Above ground, below ground.

i am always amused when friends say wow you are out all the time doing lots of fun stuff..

truth is, the happy face on the outside doesn't always tell the pain, fatigue and torment on the inside.. photos posted from delightful places don't tell the story of what it costs to be there..

having three chronic, invisible mental and physical illnesses is a full time job requiring much effort and care.. i rest a lot.. i meditate a lot.. i regularly flatline.. i work harder now than i ever did as an engineer..

time with friends, time with music, art, theatre, just time out.. is part of my wellness regime, as well as just something i like to do, as everyone does.. but it takes a lot to get there.. my bucket needs to be full or nearly full or i'll run into trouble..

self care, connections, and enjoyment are critical components of my staying alive..

only a few see the whole story.. i try to present well to the world, so others need not suffer my travails or worry about me.. and so I don’t get hurt.. especially by well meaning ones..

what else is there but to smile anyway..

Fran