Thursday, 10 April 2014

With spots of heaven sprinkled in

It's hard when you have invisible, incurable, chronic illnesses. I have three. My days and nights are spent 'managing' symptoms that come and go or linger, without any sense or reason. There is no control over the simplest of things. Conventional and alternative medicine has not substantially helped. For the past 20 years, I have tried everything. I have spent countless amounts of money.

Hope is running out. I work at acceptance but my patience wears thin. My courage is spent. The energy it takes to not complain - so I won’t be judged or have endless 'fixes' suggested by friends and strangers - is too much to bear.

I wish I had cancer. That would make things so much easier. It would be defined. It would be understood. It would even garner compassion. There would be an end. Either remission or death. With this, I live in a hell on earth with spots of heaven sprinkled in when I come up for air and a true friend grabs my hand.