This Is My Body

By Charlotte Underwood

This is my body.

What I see:

• Scars
• Fat
• Imperfections

What I feel:

• Fear
• Vulnerability
• Disgust

What I know:

• A body that’s kept me alive for 23 years
• A body winning against binge eating
• A body that is mine and no one else’s
• A strong ass woman

The thing with body positivity and body image is that it’s hard work. Most people can’t stare at a mirror and force themselves to love what they see. Many people have a love/hate relationship with their body. But over time, we can learn to be proud of our bodies and our skin.

When I was a teenager, I literally stopped eating properly and I worked out a lot because I felt like I was being judged for my weight. I felt I wouldn’t be loved as a larger girl. And you know what? I wish I never had to feel like that.

I am learning to look after my body and my mind for myself. I do not let anyone tell me that I should lose a few pounds or sort out my appearance, because it’s not their right. Your body is yours, it’s keeping you alive and that alone is beautiful.

My rule of thumb: If you want tattoos and piercings, get them. If you want to dye your hair do it. If you want to put on makeup and a cute outfit do it. If you want to lose weight or gain weight, do it. Or Don’t. Whatever you need to feel more yourself do it, but only for you.

This post is brought to you by me being 100% wound up by society’s pressures to look perfect. Because I’m not ‘the ideal’. And what do I say that that? It’s my fucking body and it’s pretty damn great. I’ll enjoy it however makes me feel safe, happy and comfortable.

I feel like it’s important to mention:

• I’ve still made great friends with this body.
• I got married and found love with this body.
• I still went on TV/did an ad campaign and photoshoots with this body.

Our body does not have to limit us, fuck what people think.

Please don’t ever feel like you are less of a person because society’s ideals have been thrown down your throat. Beauty ideals are simply an opinion. It doesn’t mean you are not perfectly beautiful and able to live and achieve a great life.

Also remember that when we die, our bodies will degrade but people will remember our actions and kindness.

END OF RANT.

 

Originally posted as a thread on Twitter, starting here.

 

About the Author

Charlotte Underwood is a twenty-three year old from Norfolk, UK. She is a growing mental health advocate and writer who aims to inform and education on mental health. The goal is to be a friend to those in need. She believes no one should feel alone. Charlotte blogs at charlotteunderwoodauthor.com. You can also find her on Twitter and on Facebook.

 

Mona Lisa and Me: My Journey with Body Image

By Jen Evans

When I think about body image, the first thing that occurs to me is that women seem to have to deal with this more than men. But I’ve never chatted with a man about this subject so I don’t know how valid that is. On a daily basis, men and women are confronted with ideas and images about what they ought to look like on magazine covers and in the world of celebrity. In my thinking, all of these images are airbrushed and not realistic.

From the Middle Ages to the Renaissance, a larger woman was considered normal and of noble status because she could afford to feed herself. If we take a look at the Mona Lisa we can see that she’s no Twiggy. She’s full-bodied and buxom. That was what people considered attractive at that time.

Somewhere along the catwalk, I feel we went horribly wrong. Even in the Fifties here in America, women like Marilyn Monroe were more like an hourglass than a Barbie Doll. Maybe it’s because of ladies like Twiggy that the unrealistic body image manifested.

My journey with body image has been challenging. I’ve spent my adult life dealing with an eating disorder called binge eating disorder (BED). Until I was twenty-six I ate whatever I wanted and didn’t have to think about my weight. I was mostly happy with my body at this time. But around twenty-seven I started to use food to deal with complex emotions.

Looking back, a lot had happened to me before I turned twenty-six. I had experienced profound loss, from my parent’s divorce and my father’s abandonment of me, to the death of a beloved friend. And more poignantly, at that exact time in my emotional history I lost the guy I married. He wasn’t who he portrayed himself to be. He was someone else entirely.

At twenty-six I was too young to process all this. So I started to eat. Once I became a plus-sized girl I felt shame for my physical expansion. Also I was body-shamed with nasty stares by both men and women. I’d like to tell you it has gotten easier. But I can’t. I’m still a big girl and I still don’t like it. I body-shame myself all the time and I am not comfortable in my own skin.

There is a movement now where women are advocating for body diversity. It calls for acceptance of “fat” or larger people. I think that’s great. I do. But for me, it’s not simply a question of my weight. It’s not healthy for me to be bigger. I have two bad knees and when I’m big they hurt at times, specifically when going up and down stairs. I don’t like the way I feel when I’m big. I also feel it’s harder to attract a date when I’m heavier.

Really, I just feel bad about myself and that doesn’t help in any sort of way. If I could feel good about myself at whatever weight I was then maybe I wouldn’t think about it day after day as I do now. But it is a constant at this time, and so is my disorder. I’m hoping to truly deal with my food issues this summer. I want to be my best self and that doesn’t include weight, both physically and metaphorically. A healthy me will probably be a more grounded me, and that is what I will achieve.