MHAW Q&A With Aimee Wilson of I'm NOT Disordered

I’m grateful to my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson for suggesting this collaboration for Mental Health Awareness Week 2025. We’ve each answered the same ten questions about different aspects of our blogging experience. Aimee’s answers are below. You can find mine on her blog I’m NOT Disordered.

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AIMEE’S ANSWERS

1. How do you handle time management and prioritisation when it comes to content creation?

Time management and prioritising is actually an area that I’m still – yes, even after well over twelve years! – learning how to manage, regulate, and cope with. I do find the need for balance sometimes when I find myself juggling creating multiple pieces of content at the same time and I realise that I need to balance working on the bits I’m enjoying the most as well as keeping an eye on the content which has more of an imminent deadline e.g. where it’s for an Awareness date or an anniversary etc.

2. What impact does blogging have on your mental health, emotional wellbeing, thoughts, and feelings?

Blogging has been truly lifesaving for me due to the number of beneficial impacts it has had on my mental health, my emotional wellbeing, my thoughts, and my feelings! For some time now, I’ve found writing to be a really therapeutic release of a lot of my pent-up thoughts and feelings and blogging has proven to not only encompass that quality, but also the ability to provide me with a safe means of processing difficult experiences.

3. How do you feel about receiving feedback, comments, and input from your readers? How do you handle negative feedback or responses?

When I first started to blog, I did so with the sole focus of the benefits it would have on myself and my loved ones; I paid very little mind/attention to the thought of complete strangers reading my content. So, when I began receiving feedback and comments from those people, I struggled to put it into my consideration in terms of content creation and balancing the thoughts of my posts affecting strangers with the benefits it could have for me own mental health recovery. Fortunately, in all my years of blogging, I’ve only received two negative comments, and I think a huge reason for this, has been that I massively stay clear of controversial topics and angles for content – I do this by typically weighing up the importance of expressing my opinion with the chance of it receiving negative comeback.

4. How much attention do you pay to your blog statistics? What do they mean to you?

A heck of a lot! I once got asked why I care so much about ‘the numbers’ and it was meant as a dig at the time by a very cocky girl whose own blog was more founded, but a lot less popular. I think that she – and any others with this question – forget that each ‘number’ is actually a person! A person who could benefit from my content. A person I have the opportunity to help. And I massively recognise that in this industry, the size of your following/audience, has one of the largest impacts on the opportunities e.g. collaborations and event invitations etc you can be offered as a Blogger or online influencer.

5. Where do you find inspiration, ideas, and motivation?

Literally everywhere! Typically, though, from everyday occurrences and life events. I think these are the most inspirational areas because they are often common ground for a lot of other people too e.g. so many others have had a birthday, or an argument with a professional! Having a quality that readers will appreciate, empathise with, or understand on a deeper level, can really contribute to the popularity and success of a piece of content.

6. What are your favourite moments and achievements in your blogging?

100% giving my speech at the National EMTA Conference for the Royal College of Emergency Medicine in earlier this year (February 2025)! It was the most recovery-defining moment and I’m certain I wouldn’t have been afforded it if I hadn’t made the original connection to the doctor who invited me, through blogging at an event she was hosting years ago.

7. What do you feel about blogging collaborations, guest posts, and events?

Absolutely love them! I honestly feel really honoured to be able to supply a platform for others to use as a bit of a soapbox too! To be able to provide someone with the opportunity to tell their story or to promote their organisation or campaign to literally millions of people across the world, is a very huge privilege. One which not many people can say that they are able to do.

8. How supported do you feel as a blogger? What kind of support do you find most helpful, and why?

In life on a whole, my greatest support has always – and likely will always be – my Mum! She’s the greatest person in my life, but if I were to focus solely on blogging, Martin is 100% my greatest support there. He’s literally the only person in my life who ‘gets it.’ The only person who can actually identify with me and with both the challenges and the wonderful moments I face on a daily basis in my blogging career.

9. If you could give one piece of advice to a budding blogger, what would it be?

Stay creative.

10. How has your blogging changed over the years, and how do you see it changing in the future?

The blogging industry is massively saturated now, when I created I’m NOT Disordered there were no well-known blogs written by a current psychiatric hospital inpatient (as I was then) so I almost immediately – and without a lot of thought or planning – found a niche. These days, it’s so much more difficult to find a footing in the industry and to find a quality that really differentiates you and your content from literally everyone else doing it! I only see that as becoming more and more challenging, but I believe that will attract more interesting, creative, and imaginative people to the industry – which could only be a good thing, really!

 

You Are Not Alone: Celebrating Community for Mental Health Awareness Week

Since 2001 the Mental Health Foundation has been leading Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW) to focus on good mental health. Each May, people from every part of society take part. This year, MHAW will take place from 12 to 18 May 2025. The theme for 2025 is “Community.”

Being part of a safe, positive community is vital for our mental health and wellbeing. We thrive when we have strong connections with other people and supportive communities that remind us, we are not alone. Communities can provide a sense of belonging, safety, support in hard times, and give us a sense purpose.

That’s all well and good, but what if you don’t feel part of a community? What if you never have? What if you don’t want to? This came out in conversation with my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson. Aimee blogs at I’m NOT Disordered and writes for Shake My Hand, the campaign she founded to empower survivors and reform professional responses to rape and abuse.

A: Did you see the MHAW theme this year? I tagged you. Did it give you any ideas?

M: Ah yes. Thank you. I saved it, but haven’t thought about it yet. How about you?

A: For Shake My Hand I’m going to do a piece on building a community amongst people with similar experiences.

M: That’s a great idea. I’ve rarely if ever felt that kind of sense of community. That could be something to explore in itself, I guess. I’ve written about it in the past, but I could probably find a new angle.

A: Is that a sad thing? It feels sad.

M: I’m not sure. Maybe, yeah. A bit.

It’s true that I’ve never truly felt part of any larger community or tribe. I’ve explored this previously in a number of blog posts, including Belonging (Longing to Be), Finding My Tribe, Tribe and Untribe (A Trip to the Pub), and Being a Man: Exploring My Gender Identity for International Men’s Day.

At different times in my life I’ve found myself at the edge of groups or communities in which I’d have loved to fully belong. The BE-in folk at university. The various friendship and social groupings when I lived and worked in London. The informal community of writers and poets who frequented the Literary Salon in Newcastle. The wider team of Mental Health First Aiders at work. In each case, I was qualified to be a member by virtue of connection with other members, interests, skills, or training. I almost never felt I was a fully signed up, card-carrying member, however. That’s no fault of the other members. My lack of belonging is on me, not them.

I’ve never been able to do the social thing. I’ve never known the criteria for membership or had access to the rules of engagement. On more than one occasion I’ve watched in awe as people do the social thing. I can’t do that. I sit quietly in the corner at parties, happy to have been invited but utterly unable to engage. I fare much better one-on-one, or in very small groups.

Aimee asked me if it was a sad thing. Sometimes, yes. I recall once, many years ago, sitting in a coffee shop on a Saturday morning. I felt utterly unconnected and alone. The network of friends I’d relied on to be there seemed to have fractured or disappeared. That was at least partly my fault. I hadn’t been good at keeping in touch. It took the death of a friend for me to recognise how much had changed, and how much needed to change if I wasn’t to remain unconnected.

I had no idea how to approach that. How to build new connections, meet people, make friends. It wasn’t easy. It required me to examine everything I thought I knew about other people, friendships, and connections. For too long I’d maintained an inner circle of close friends — and nothing and no one else. Unpacking that took a long time and considerable effort. I shared something of that journey in one of my early blog posts, Dissolving the Circle. I find it useful to reread now and again. It helps keep me on track.

Over the years, I’ve learned people differ in the kind of communities and networks that work for them. I discussed some of these differences in Spokesfriends and Insular Groups: What Kind of Support Network Do You Have? Big groups of mutual friends don’t work for me. I feel much more supported by a network of one-to-one friendships. My friends know one another but my connection with each is distinct and free to develop independently. Aimee captured this perfectly in the conversation that inspired this post.

A: I’m a community for you! We make our own little one.

M: Bless you! Yes we do!

A: A two-blogger-community! It totally works! I’d far rather have one amazing friend than a town of random people.

M: I couldn’t agree with you more!

As I sit writing this in a coffee shop on a Saturday morning, it’s hard to express how different my situation is compared to that other Saturday morning years ago. I feel connected, supported, cared for, and loved. Four years ago, I captured something of this in Team Marty (Because No One Can Be Everything for Everyone). As I wrote there, “These are my people. My tribe. Team Marty. I couldn’t be who I am, do what I do, without them.”

It’s not an exclusive club. Membership varies from time to time. Existing friendships evolve and change. I make new friends these days without worrying if we’re perfectly compatible or will be in each other’s lives forever. One friend is able to forgive the fact I care nothing about sport and have never been to a soccer match. I can accept (just) that some of them don’t like cheese.

Someone I’d only recently got to know checked in with me after reading something I’d put on social media. Her “Just seen your Facebook post, hope you’re okay” meant the world to me. This is my kind of community. Occasionally there are disconnects. Friendships take a pause or end. Sometimes they begin again. Situations and needs change. Caring endures. As a dear friend reminded me after a lengthy period of disconnect that neither of us fully understands, “There’s no reason for us not to be able to support each other as friends.”

Over to You

What does the word community mean to you? What communities do you identify with? In what ways do you feel supported, cared for, and validated? What kind of support network works for you? We’d love to hear your thoughts, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Photo by Rathish Gandhi at Unsplash.

 

The Dun Cow: A Few Thoughts on Friendship for Mental Health Awareness Week

Seven years ago today a friend and I walked into a pub. That might sound like the opening line to a joke but it’s not — although it was a great night with plenty of laughter. I count that evening as a turning point for me in many ways. An important step in my personal and mental health journey.

At the time, I was learning to open up, engaging with like-minded people and organisations locally after having focused for a long time on services and folk local to Fran, three thousand miles away across the Atlantic in Maine.

I made a new friend that evening. We’ve had our ups and downs but I’m happy and proud to call her my friend today. And the friend I walked into the pub with? Oh, we’re strong. With her, I’ve learned so much. About friendship. About mental health. About myself. I’m very proud of us too. And Fran. What can I say? I’ve never known a friendship like ours.

We don’t always know which steps are going to prove the most important in our lives. But sometimes it’s possible to look back and think. Yes. That one was.

 

Everything Is (Not Always) Possible: Managing Hope and Expectation With Chronic Illness

Don’t tell people they can do the impossible. Tell people that they can do the possible that they think is impossible.

— Denis Waitley

This post was inspired by something I saw recently on social media concerning illness and expectations. The author recalled someone they knew years ago who’d completed a major endurance feat despite living with significant physical disabilities. Their achievement had reinforced in the author the commonplace expectation that “anything is possible” if you’re sufficiently motivated, no matter your situation or circumstances. They were ill-prepared for the reality. Life is often far more restrictive and restricted, especially for someone with energy-limiting conditions. They highlighted the lack of help and guidance for people with chronic health conditions who grieve the life they never get to live.

The post had been shared by Facebook accounts focusing on conditions including chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS/ME) and fibromyalgia, attracting a lot of comments from people who understood the scenario only too well. I passed the link to Fran, knowing it would resonate with her too. Her response was immediate and telling. “That’s probably why I won’t end up doing the Camino.”

Also known as the French Way, the Camino Francés is the most popular of the routes of the Way of St. James, the ancient pilgrimage route through France and Spain. It runs for 480 miles (770 kilometers) from Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port in France to Santiago de Compostela. Fran has friends who’ve completed the Camino, which typically takes at least four weeks. Since she first mentioned it to me a year ago, we’ve talked about how and when she might attempt the walk, either in full or in part.

It’s not something to be rushed into and would take a lot of preparation. Physically, for sure, but also mentally and emotionally. Her reply suggested to me that she might have let go of the idea. This post isn’t about the Camino Francés as such. She may yet decide to, in which case we will have another adventure to prepare for and share. Rather, it’s about understanding what it means to live with long-term life limiting illness. It’s about understanding what that social media post represented for its author, for Fran, and for anyone who finds themself in a similar situation.

There are several aspects of this which are worth addressing separately

Grieving the life you won’t get to live

The post’s author spoke of wishing they knew “how the fuck to grieve the life you won’t get to live.” Grief and mourning are words Fran and I use frequently when discussing her life situation. The following is excerpted from a recent blog post exploring just these themes: Looking Out: An Open Letter to My Best Friend.

There’s another way of reading the photograph. The person inside the house is you, sitting in the dark looking out at the bright potential of the world outside. The woman on the lake shore is also you, but the person you might have been if life had been otherwise. Healthy. Fit. Free from pain and fatigue. Capable of anything she dares to dream. For all your achievements and adventures I know there’ve been times when your life has felt small, less than, more constrained than it might have been had illness not visited you. It’s hard to mourn a life you never had the chance to live.

Both of us have been exploring the broader aspects of grief, mourning, loss, and acceptance for some time. I shared some of this last year in posts including Letting Go of the Balloon: End of Life Planning for the Overwhelmed and How Much Do You Want to Know Me? Preparing to Write My Obituary. While those articles focus on navigating the passing of loved ones and preparation for our own eventual death, these are themes which are relevant to any kind of loss, absence, or lack. In addition to locally organised Die Well Death Education classes and Death Café sessions run by an experienced end of life doula, Fran has been attending a grief group. She finds the insights, wisdom, and support offered by these various gatherings extremely helpful in navigating the challenges of her life as well as preparing for its eventual, and natural, ending.

Grief in the context of mental health features in a quotation by American author and professor Adam Grant. “Mental health,” he wrote, “is not about being happy all the time. It’s about learning to handle the full range of emotions. It’s normal to feel grief after loss, anger at injustice, and fear in danger. Resilience lies in putting our feelings in perspective instead of letting them define us.”

“Anything is possible”

The assertion that “anything is possible” will be familiar, no matter our health or other life situation. In one form or another, we’ve heard it our entire lives. “You can be anything you want to be.” “Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back.” “You can do anything if you believe in yourself.” It’s so common a message that it slips beneath the radar of rationality. Masquerading as optimism and empowerment, it nevertheless defines the phenomenon of of toxic positivity, with a heavy dose of ableism into the bargain. Buy into it and you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and disappointment.

Anything is not, in fact, possible

The reality, of course, is that our lives and possibilities are not unbounded. Anything is not, in fact, possible. On one level, of course, we know this. We don’t imagine it means we can fly unaided, or leap tall buildings in a single bound. The toxicity of the message is precisely that we know it doesn’t mean all things that are, literally, impossible. The toxicity lies in the contrary implication that things which are possible for any, or many, or most, are possible for all.

The post’s author knew someone who had completed a major feat of endurance, so they could certainly overcome lesser obstacles in their own life. On average, some 700 to 800 climbers reach the summit of Mount Everest every year, an increasing number with little previous experience. Perhaps Fran should ditch the Camino and go for Everest instead. After all, anything is possible, including the $40,000 to $60,000 it would likely cost. (Everest veteran Alan Arnette sets this in context: “What does it cost to climb Mount Everest? As I’ve said for years, the short answer is a car.”)

Recognising she will never summit Everest is not a huge disappointment to Fran. Acknowledging that “lesser” challenges might prove beyond her is harder to accept. This is the point the post’s author was making. Living with disability and illness, in particular energy-limiting conditions such as chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS/ME) and fibromyalgia, means accepting that things most of society regards as easy or trivial, require significant effort and determination. This is expressed powerfully in the lyrics of the song Small Victories by English singer-songwriter Roxanne Emery, performing as RØRY.

Stuck in this bed, fucking depressed all the time
Haven’t cleaned my teeth, haven’t washed these sheets in a while
I got good friends, but I can’t call them ‘cause those texts I’ve been ignoring
Wasting my youth inside this room
But I’m still standing somehow

Some people climbed Mount Everest today, and made history
While I was still asleep
Well, I got myself dressed today
Small victories
Small victories

I had that song in mind when I replied to Fran.

F: That’s probably why I won’t end up doing the Camino.

M: Maybe we each define our own camino. Maybe that’s what it’s really about.

We didn’t pursue the conversation further on that occasion, but it’s an ongoing reality for Fran, affecting many different aims, aspirations, and challenges. As I write, Fran is preparing to go away for the weekend with the Maine Outdoor Adventure Club (MOAC). It’s not the first time she’s been on MOAC trips or activities, but each time is a challenge on all levels; physical, mental, emotional, energy, planning, and scheduling. She wonders if she is up to it. If she will fit in. If she will enjoy it. Many of these questions and uncertainties are founded in the restrictions of a life lived with illness. She doubts herself at such times, but she is going nonetheless. That’s the kind of courage that I admire in Fran and many other friends who likewise know the restrictions of illness and disabiltiy, yet commit to living as full and rich a life as is, in fact, possible. Ahead of the trip Fran sent me a passage she’d found online.

Hard truth:

If you wait until you feel ‘better’ to start living, you might be waiting forever.

Go live your life. Do it sad. Do it anxious. Do it uncertain.

Because healing doesn’t always come before the experience.

Sometimes, the experience is what heals you.

I’ve been unable to trace the source of the quotation, but it’s very relevant.

Help and guidance

The post’s author wished they could find “a good book” that would help them navigate the challenges and disappointments of a life lived with illness. While each person’s needs are different, there are in fact many sources of information, help, and hope available. I’ve gathered a few resources here in the hope they may be of interest and value.

International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases (CIND)

May 12 has been designated as the International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases (CIND) since 1992. The CIND illnesses include Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), Fibromyalgia (FM), Gulf War Syndrome (GWS) and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS). You can find further information on these conditions and more on the May 12th website, Wikipedia, and on Facebook.

Also on Facebook, Tom Kindlon’s ME CFS & related page is a good resource, with links to his content on other social media platforms.

Roxanne Emery (RØRY)

Roxanne Emery is very open about the trauma and challenges she’s lived through and those she continues to live with. Through her music, interviews, and the content she creates with her husband Richard Pink, Roxanne offers a powerful message of realism, hope, growth, and achievement. Not anything is possible, but so much is possible.

They have published two books on living with ADHD: DIRTY LAUNDRY: Why adults with ADHD are so ashamed and what we can do to help and SMALL TALK: 10 ADHD lies and how to stop believing them.

You can find them on Facebook (RØRY | ADHD_love), Tiktok, Instagram, and other platforms.

Over to You

In this post I’ve shared my thoughts concerning life lived with chronic illness, especially conditions which are energy limiting. If this resonates for you, whether you live with such conditions yourself or care for someone who does, we would love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and experiences. What helps you or the person you care about? How do you or they handle the reality that not everything is possible? Do you have any other resources you’d like to share? Please comment below or find us via our contact page.

 

Photo by Chang Ye at Unsplash.

 

Come Along with a CSA Survivor to a Smear Planning Appointment: a Vlog by Aimee Wilson

Trigger / content warning: mention of child sexual abuse and rape

This post is inspired by a recent video blog by my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson. The twelve minute video is titled “Come along with a CSA survivor to a smear planning appointment with Northumbria NHS Gynae.” As well as showcasing the video itself, I want to share my response to it and why I feel this is such an important topic.

What’s it About?

Here’s what the vlog is about in Aimee’s own words.

Being a CSA [child sexual abuse] survivor, I have had to meet with Gynae to discuss having my smear test under a general anaesthetic. I filmed this vlog to provide advice and empathy to other survivors and to bring insight to those who judge people for struggling with this procedure. Don’t judge a person’s journey when you haven’t walked in their shoes!

It’s characteristic of Aimee to share her lived experience in the hope it might inform and help other people. To note, the video covers Aimee’s appointment to discuss options for her upcoming cervical screening, not the screening itself.

The vlog is available in full on YouTube and in five parts on Instagram (part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5). Note that the first thirty seconds are silent.

What’s a Smear Test?

For anyone unfamiliar with the procedure or the terminology, the following description of cervical screening (smear tests) is taken from the NHS website.

Cervical screening, which used to be called smear test, is a test to check the health of the cervix and help prevent cervical cancer. It’s offered [in the UK] to women and people with a cervix aged 25 to 64.

The website includes further detailed information about what cervical screening is, why it’s important, when someone will be invited for a screening test, how to book a test, what happens at the screening appointment, the results, and further help and support.

What Did I Think of the Video?

I was part way through watching Aimee’s vlog when she messaged me to ask how my day was going.

A: Are you home yet?

M: Just on my way now. I’m listening to your YouTube. About your gynae appointment.

A: Oooooo thank you!!

M: Aimee, it’s one of the best, most important things you’ve ever done. And that’s saying a lot!

A: Wowwww thank you so so so much! That’s such an incredible comment! Can I screenshot it and post? I’ll tag you obviously.

M: Yes of course!

True to her word, Aimee shared my comment shortly afterwards, saying that it had made her day. That’s a lovely thing to hear, but I was only saying what I believe to be true.

Why Is it So Important?

But why is this such an important topic? I posted the following comment Aimee’s video on YouTube.

This is such a great thing to do, and I know it will be of value to so many people. People in similar situations as yourself, but also people like me who have no first hand experience but want to understand and know how to support friends and loved ones. Thank you.

I know little about what it means to have survived rape or sexual abuse. The little I do know is thanks to people like Aimee who have trusted me sufficiently to share what they’ve lived through and how their lives have been impacted. That’s the most I can claim by way of experience, but at Aimee’s suggestion last year I wrote an article about being there for a friend who’s survived rape or sexual abuse. Aimee’s vlog adds considerably to my understanding.

What Does Aimee Talk About in her Video?

Aimee opens with a brief introduction and trigger / content warning. She explains the background to her situation including her past experience of sexual abuse and rape. This appointment is to meet with the gynae team at her local hospital to discuss her next cervical screening. As Aimee describes, she finds things like this very difficult. Her first cervical screening was conducted under general anaesthetic. “So this time I’m just going to discuss the idea of doing it in the same way.”

She makes clear her reasons for making the video. “I thought I would bring you guys along with me because I know it’s something that I’m not alone in, and I just wanted to show that there are options. And for anyone who doesn’t understand the issue I just want to show how difficult it can be and provide some insight into it.”

Aimee talks about her preparations for the appointment. She’s waiting for a taxi to arrive, which she booked to make sure she gets there in plenty of time, and to offset the anxiety and nervousness she knew she’d be feeling on the day.

“So a tip for people who might go through something like this [would be] consider your transport and think about anything that could come up before your appointment, and budget time so you’re not so stressed.”

Ironically, her taxi is late, so she’s worried she might not make her appointment in time. She rings ahead to let the hospital know she might be late.

The video continues with Aimee back home after the appointment. She describes how well it went, and how lovely all the staff were with her. The plan they agreed is for Aimee to try with sedation first, on the understanding that if that doesn’t work for her they will move straight away to a general anaesthetic.

“So I’ve got a plan I’m happy with. I’m glad that they listened to me, that I didn’t have to go into detail about my reasons, just sort of roughly explained [...] I felt very validated and supported for the appointment. So I like to think that other people could be treated that way as well. If you’re watching this [...] please think about your options and don’t be afraid to speak to professionals and to voice what you think would be helpful for you.”

Before she closes, Aimee talks about how there’s a lot of information and messaging on social media about how important cervical screenings are “and how people who don’t have theirs are sort of taking a risk and it’s not a wise decision.” She points out that no matter how well-meaning, this kind of messaging can come across as disrespectful and deaf to the needs of people such as her, for whom such procedures can be extremely traumatic. “That’s why it’s so important,” Aimee says, “to speak up and explain to someone and provide them with insight as to why someone might find a smear difficult.”

Aimee points out that it’s not only cervical screenings which can be difficult for her and other survivors of abuse, rape, and sexual assault. Other gynaecological procedures and examinations can be no less difficult. She closes by saying she intends to rest “and practice some self-soothing and some distraction with Netflix and stuff like that.”

My Key Takeaways

Everyone who watches Aimee’s video will get something different from it, depending on their level of understanding and personal experience. Here are a few of my key takeaways.

Plan ahead to reduce anxiety and stress as much as possible. This includes arranging transport, making sure you know where the appointment is to be held, and allowing plenty of time to get there.

Try not to stress if things go wrong on the day. “Don’t be afraid to ring if you are running late or if something comes up.”

Be clear about what you want from the appointment, but also be open to alternatives. Aimee wanted her scan to be done under general anaesthetic like last time, but agreed to try sedation first.

Plan for what you’ll do and how you might feel after the appointment, acknowledging that it’s a major thing you just did. Include options for self-care if you can.

Aimee didn’t mention this, but I’d suggesting having one or two trusted friends or family members on hand in case you find you need someone to talk to, or to offer support.

The biggest takeaway for me is what a huge difference it makes when someone’s experience and needs are treated with care and respect. Aimee was listened to and wasn’t put under pressure to explain or justify herself or her needs.

I’m immensely proud of my friend for making this video and for sharing so openly about such a sensitive and difficult topic. I’m sure it will be of help to many.

Aimee, thank you!

Further Reading and Resources

I’m NOT Disordered Help Directory

NHS Cervical Screening Information

Rape Crisis Tyneside and Northumberland Cervical Screening Information

Cervical Screening Information: Support for People Who Feel Anxious About Attending

The Impact of Trauma and Cervical Screening (Somerset and Avon Rape and Sexual Abuse)

About Aimee Wilson

You can find Aimee Wilson at her blog I’m NOT Disordered, on Instagram, and on Twitter/X.

Photos by Aimee Wilson.

 

Our Top Posts of the Month (April 2025)

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first.

1. Shhhhhhh! A Friend’s Guide to Secrets
2. The Box on the Shelf: A Strategy for Handling Difficult Issues and Situations
3. Twelve Songs That Remind Me What Caring Is All About
4. It’s Not Enough / Never Enough
5. It’s Time to Talk. But What If You Don’t Want To?
6. Thank You Anyway: The Gift of Ingratitude
7. Looking Out: An Open Letter to My Best riend
8. How Do I Feel? Exploring Alexithymia and Emotional Blindness
9. The Art of Friendship: Exploring the Portland Museum of Art and the Laing Art Gallery With My Best Friend
10. One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy: Encounters With the Absurd Man

Our most visited pages were:

1. Contact Us
2. Our books
3. About Us
4. Resources
5. Testimonials
6. News and Appearances

 

Photo of Kingston Park by Martin Baker.

 

An Open Letter to My "Lazy" Friend

Dear friend.

I thought to write to you after the chat we had the other day. Remember? The one where you asked me, “Am I lazy?”

I’ll start by saying you’re not alone in asking that question. Many people tell me they feel lazy because they’re not doing as much as they think they should. Mostly that’s because they’re living with depression, or anxiety, or fatigue, or pain, or chronic lack of sleep, or brain fog, or some other condition that makes it tough to navigate the everyday things of life. The things that would otherwise be within their compass. I think maybe you’d agree. I think maybe you’d recognise yourself in that description.

I’ve no comparable experience, so it’s arguable how much I truly understand. I see it, nevertheless. I see what it takes for you to marshal the energy to do things that others — that I — might call easy or obvious. When you can’t, when there’s no spoons left, when making that meal or taking that shower or sending that e-mail or doing that chore is literally beyond you, that’s not being lazy.

Acknowledging that doesn’t make life easier for you, I know. It doesn’t take away your right to feel disappointed in yourself, or angry, or sad, or anything else you might feel about being in this situation. You get to label it any way you wish, including lazy if that makes sense to you. Believe me, though, when I tell you I don’t know a single person I’d call lazy. Including you.

I searched for some positive quotations about laziness to share with you. It wasn’t easy! So many of them were negative, injunctions to combat laziness in all its forms. To stop procrastinating. Get going. Do something! Anne Frank declared that “Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” It’s hard to argue with Anne Frank! I get it. I do. To achieve success of almost any kind requires some degree of effort and action. But success for its own sake isn’t everything, and there are many different kinds of achievement. Pause and rest are also important. Benjamin Franklin said “There will be sleeping enough in the grave.” That’s as maybe, Ben, but I don’t want to wait until I’m dead to get some rest!

Much of the negativity around laziness comes from comparing ourselves with other people. People don’t like seeing others who seem to be doing less than they are. This is ironic, because those most likely to be labelled lazy — people who are unable to find work, or ill, or homeless, or on benefits, or living close to the breadline — are working their asses off just to get through the next day, the next week. What others label laziness is mostly a daily struggle against the odds, with limited resources and the kind of stoic determination many of the advantaged — myself included — would be hard pressed to muster.

Of course, there are some positive connotations. “A lazy summer afternoon” conjures cosy images. Relaxing on the beach, perhaps, or on a lounger in the garden. Reading a book or dozing, sipping tea or something a little stronger. Restfulness. Ease. This is echoed in the phrase dog days. It means a period of stagnation or inactivity, but also “the period between early July and early September when the hot sultry weather of summer usually occurs in the northern hemisphere.”

A meme I saw the other day captures this perfectly. “I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.” This kind of laziness respects our need to recouperate. To recharge our batteries. I have a friend who uses the word in that way, and it’s refreshing. My situation is very different to theirs, but it reminds me that I need rest sometimes too. I’m not very good at being lazy!

I’ll share something which made me smile. Another word for laziness is sloth, which is one of the seven deadly sins in Catholic Christianity. I’m atheist but in that context it means something like an habitual disinclination to exertion. That’s a deadly sin? Wow, right? I found a delightful counter to this by Bollywood actress Kajol Devgan: “I’d love sloth. I wish sloth would come home and visit me once in a while. I don’t consider laziness a sin at all.” What’s funny is that sloths are amongst the cutest, least offensive, most adorable creatures on the planet! I smile paraphrasing Devgan as saying “I’d love a sloth. I wish a sloth would come home and visit me once in a while!” Now that’s something I could get on board with.

I don’t know if this helps at all with your feelings of laziness, and your frustration at not always being able to achieve all you’d like or hope to. Perhaps it’s given you a fresh perspective or two. I’d love to hear your thoughts, next time we meet. Until then, I wish you peace and ease, dog days — and maybe a sloth or two!

Your friend,

Marty

 

Photo by Sébastien L. at Unsplash.