Gum on My Shoe

TW: Mention of suicide and self-harm

It all happened so quickly. One moment I was walking to the car after a meal out with friends. The next I was lying face down in the dirt. It took a few seconds for me to realise what had happened. My life didn’t pass before my eyes — no Chicken Run “it was really boring” revelation — but as I lay there my priorities were surprisingly clear. I was most concerned for my (rather expensive) glasses. Then my beloved tweed jacket. Then whether I’d dropped anything out of my pockets. Then that I must be covered in mud. It was a while before I realised my left hand was hurting quite badly where I’d extended it to break my fall. As I got slowly to my feet I figured I probably hadn’t broken anything but I had no clear idea how I’d ended up on the floor. My friends were no less bemused. Jack and Aimee had been on the opposite side of the car and saw nothing. Walking behind me, Spencer had seen everything. Except there’d been nothing to see. A stumble, then me flat on my face. They were all ...

I’m not going to lie, my favourite knitting jokes are just the explanations for how frogging and tinking got their names. — nnaoam on Reddit This post was inspired by a video I came across on social media. Lateral with Tom Scott is a comedy quiz podcast in which three people attempt to unravel a cryptic question or challenge posed by the fourth member of the team. In this episode the question was as follows. Sarah is spending a relaxing evening at home. After a while, she sighs, and decides she needs to tink. After tinking for a while, she sighs again and decides she needs to frog. What is causing her to tink and frog? If you’d like to watch the episode before I let the frog out of the bag, you’ll find the video here . Assuming you’re ready to proceed, I can reveal that tinking and frogging are terms used in knitting. The description that follows is from an article by Pam MacKenzie at My Central Jersey. (Disappointingly, My Central Jersey is a news outlet serving Centra...

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. — Linda Grayson This blog post was inspired by a recent conversation with my friend Sophie who offered me the first chocolate from the tube she’d just bought herself. “Would you like a Munchie?” “It’s not quite your last Rolo but thank you!” For anyone too young to recognise the reference, I was thinking of a long-running and much-loved TV advertising campaign from the eighties with the tagline “Do you love anyone enough to give them your last Rolo?” The original animated adverts were followed by live action ads demonstrating the unfortunate consequences of keeping Rolos to yourself. My favourites feature this couple on a train and the elephant’s revenge . I told Sophie how I once bought a tube of Rolos with the sole purpose of sending the last one to a dear friend. I made a little gift box for it and everything. It was a fun exchange and I walked away grateful for the memories as well as the Mun...

Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just said, I used to. — Unknown This post was inspired by my friend Louise who sent me a short video from a day trip to Mallorca. After showing me the blue sky, sandy beach, and palm trees Louise focused on a magazine open beside her. “I’ve just been reading this article,” she said. “I thought you’d find it interesting.” The article was Why don’t we treat friendship breakups as seriously as romantic ones? by Michelle Elman. According to the magazine, the author “has had her fair share of heartbreak but when her best friend of eight years ghosted her, she felt a new, confusing kind of loss.” Louise was right. Friendships, especially mutually supportive ones, are important to both of us. We’ve been firm friends since we met online in 2019. Coincidentally, her trip to Mallorca fell on the fourth anniversary of us meeting in person for the first time. That morning I’d shared social media memories ...

Noun best and fairest ( plural best and fairests ) ( Australia, sports, rugby, Australian rules football ) an award given to a player deemed to have been the best performer in a game or over a season. See also: MVP [Most Valued Player], man or woman of the match I recently learned of the Australian sporting term best and fairest. It’s used to recognise the best player on a team, often reflecting both their skill and sportsmanship. More generally, it describes a player who is exceptional in some way or has made a significant impact. It struck me as an accolade deserving of wider use, specifically in the context of being a best and fairest friend. In this post I’ll explore what being a best and fairest friend means in a friendship where one person lives with a mental health condition. I’ll focus on bipolar disorder, but the principle isn’t limited to any particular diagnosis or label. Most of the examples will be drawn from my fourteen year connection with my best friend Fran w...

“Camus.” It wasn’t a question. I turned from the bar to find a man standing beside me. He nodded at the quotation emblazoned across my t-shirt. “The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” The pub was almost empty. Mid-morning on a rainy Monday. More than a little damp my tweed jacket was draped over the back of my chair at a table in the middle of the room. I placed my order, a half of Swift Best (3.4% ABV) named for MV Swift , largest of the boats that plies the tourist routes on Windermere. We introduced ourselves. It was immediately clear John knew a lot more than I do about Camus in particular and philosophy in general. A long-time interest on his part I think, whereas I only encountered Camus a couple of years ago. I was unaware of the philosopher’s lifelong interest in football , for example. Fortunately, I knew enough of his theories and writings to hold my own in what developed into a lively and e...

Seven years ago today a friend and I walked into a pub. That might sound like the opening line to a joke but it’s not — although it was a great night with plenty of laughter. I count that evening as a turning point for me in many ways. An important step in my personal and mental health journey. At the time, I was learning to open up, engaging with like-minded people and organisations locally after having focused for a long time on services and folk local to Fran, three thousand miles away across the Atlantic in Maine. I made a new friend that evening. We’ve had our ups and downs but I’m happy and proud to call her my friend today. And the friend I walked into the pub with? Oh, we’re strong. With her, I’ve learned so much. About friendship. About mental health. About myself. I’m very proud of us too. And Fran. What can I say? I’ve never known a friendship like ours. We don’t always know which steps are going to prove the most important in our lives. But sometimes it’s possibl...

“Po-ta-toes,” said Sam. “The Gaffer’s delight, and rare good ballast for an empty belly. But you won’t find any, so you needn’t look.” — J.R.R. Tolkien, “The Two Towers” ( The Lord of the Rings ) Thursday April 17, 2025 was a big day for me. I took myself on an adventure. It wasn’t a big adventure. Just a day out at the coast. But it was the first time I’d taken myself out for the day in almost a year. Last time it was a trip into the city to see an exhibition of paintings by the renowned English landscape painter J. M. W. Turner. There was no aim or goal this time beyond a sense of curiosity. How would it feel to be out of my usual environment after so long? I’d chosen a day when the weather promised to be dry and bright, but beyond that I had only the loosest of plans. I’d catch the Metro train to Tynemouth, walk to the sea front, then head north. Maybe I’d walk on the beach. Maybe I’d paddle. There were any number of cafes, coffee shops, and pubs I might stop at for some...

As soon as you stop thinking about them, they’ll send you a text message or call you. Because they know you stopped thinking about them. It’s like a radar. — Lauren Conrad This blog post was inspired by a recent conversation with Fran. We were discussing our plans for the day and I mentioned I wanted to catch up with a few friends I’d not been in touch with for a while. In this context, “a while” means anything from a day or so to several weeks. I found myself mentally scanning my circle of friends as an air traffic controller might scan their radar screen. The analogy might seem an odd one, but I have a keen interest in aviation. The air traffic controller’s screen shows where each aircraft is in relation to the airport, terrain, and other aircraft. As well as distance and bearing, it displays the aircraft’s altitude, speed, call sign, and squawk code. More on squawk codes later. Everything is updated in real time with each sweep of the radar. The controller is able to talk t...

When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark. — Unknown Falling this year on February 6, Time to Talk Day focuses on creating supportive communities by having conversations with family, friends, or colleagues about mental health. By talking about our mental health we can better support ourselves and others. For last year’s Time to Talk Day I explored something that’s rarely discussed in the context of this kind of conversation: repetition . This year, I’d like to offer a few practical tips for supporting friends and loved ones with their mental health. It’s easy enough to encourage people to talk, but how do you respond when they do? These suggestions are based on my thirteen year mutually supportive friendship with my best friend Fran, who lives with bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS/ME). For more tips and information check out our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . 1. Talkin...