Gum on My Shoe

TW: Mention of suicide and suicidality

I became a man. Before that I was a little boy. — Adam Ant (Stuart Leslie Goddard) Observed each year on November 19, International Men’s Day (IMD) celebrates the positive value men bring to the world, their families and communities, and raises awareness of men’s health and well-being. The theme for 2025 is “Celebrating Men and Boys.” I was unsure how to approach the topic until my friend and fellow blogger Aimee Wilson suggested I think back to when I was a boy. What did I imagine my life would be like when I grew up? What did I want to be? For the purpose of this blog post I’ll define “when I was a boy” as the period of my life up to and including 1979. I turned eighteen that March but I was far less mature than my age might suggest. I knew little of the world beyond my immediate family, school, and the local environment of West Derby on the outskirts of Liverpool. It was a pivotal year for me. My father died in April. I took my A-level exams in June, passed them all, and l...

May you be proud of the work you do, the person you are, and the difference you make. (Unknown) I’m a great believer in celebrating success , no matter how great or small it might seem in the grand scale of things. It’s healthy to take pride in our achievements, and to acknowledge those of our friends and loved ones. Those four little words — I’m proud of you — can mean so much. With that in mind, I’d like to share three blog posts I’m especially proud of writing. An Open Letter to My Bipolar Best Friend Read the full post here . This is the first piece that came to mind when I started thinking about which posts I’m most proud of. I love the open letter format, and have written several, including one to Fran to mark ten years of friendship , and letters to my late mother and father . This first one to Fran, though, is special. Written in May 2016, it captures the essence of what we’re about, our journey as friends, and my personal journey in the mental health arema...

Be quiet, big boys don’t cry. — Eric Stewart / Graham Gouldman. “I’m Not in Love.” Observed each year on November 19, International Men’s Day (IMD) celebrates the positive value men bring to the world, their families and communities. It highlights positive role models and raises awareness of men’s well-being, including mental health. It’s also an opportunity to face up to some of the less wholesome aspects of men’s lives and behaviour. For IMD 2022 I explored what being a man means to me . This year, I’m taking a look at toxic masculinity, which affects not only men but also our families, relationships, and wider society. What Is Toxic Masculinity? Let’s start with what toxic masculinity isn’t. It’s not an attack on men, men-shaming, blaming men for all the ills in the world, or denying the rich and varied contributions men make in all walks of life. It doesn’t claim that being male or masculine is toxic or unhealthy. Rather, it highlights some attitudes and behaviours co...

My pronouns are he/him/his . Observed each year on November 19, International Men’s Day (IMD) celebrates the positive value men bring to the world, their families and communities, highlighting positive role models and raising awareness of men’s well-being, including mental health. I shared some general thoughts on connection and conversation for IMD last year. This time, I thought I’d go a little deeper, and explore what being a man means to me. That should be pretty easy, right? I’ve had sixty-one years to figure out what being a guy is all about. Oddly enough, it’s proven a lot harder than I imagined. It’s not that I’ve ever felt misgendered, or unhappy at being thought of as male. I’ve worn my gender identity all my life, albeit without thinking much about it. I was a boy. I am a man. But what does that mean ? Let’s start with International Men’s Day itself. Do I feel it’s for and about me? Does it resonate? It does, yes. Last year was the first time I’d engaged with IMD, bu...

What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human. — Brené Brown Trigger warning: suicide and suicidality. This is posted as an awareness piece for World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10). Suicide is not a sign of weakness. Inspiration and Ego This article was inspired by a friend who questioned something I’d written in an open letter to my father. Here’s what she said: I did want to briefly comment on something you wrote in your blog post about open letters , in particular the one to your father where you wrote “You never let me see it’s okay to cry and be weak sometimes.” I question why you put “cry” and “weak” in the same sentence, and it makes me wonder what “weak” means to you, especially since you champion the “fighting stigma” cause. It isn’t “weak” to cry, or to have feelings or emotions — in fact, it’s the opposite. I think that’s important to note, especially when the suicide rates among men are so high — you may want to address that...

How goes it? I’m having a good day. Was on an excellent call this morning about men’s mental health and support groups. Got my MHFA Network call this afternoon too. Great!! That little exchange is from a chat conversation with my friend Brynn last Thursday lunchtime. I’d been pretty low for a few days, which she knew, but when I sent those words I was feeling much better. Being able to say that to my friend was important in itself, because it reminded me there are good days as well as rubbish ones. So what had made the difference? In a word, connection. The morning session I mentioned was organised through the Men’s Network at work, ahead of International Men’s Day (November 19). The call was led by Gary MacDonald, who founded the Mind the Men peer support group in Glasgow, Scotland, in memory of his cousin Grant Macdonald who was lost to suicide in 2018. The group provides men “a safe place to talk about their challenges be listened to and feel supported.” The presenta...

After attending a men’s health webinar at work, I realised I write very little on mental health for men. I blog about what I’ve learned supporting friends who live with mental illness and other health issues, but almost all those friends are women. I write about my feelings, moods, and self-care, but I’ve never explored men’s mental health as such. In this article I’ve drawn together some key statistics on men’s mental health; crisis and support lines; organisations, books, podcasts; and awareness days. I’ve also selected a number of articles written by men which we’ve hosted here at Gum on My Shoe, and a few posts of my own where I’ve touched on my mental health. Finally, I’ve briefly profiled four men who inspire me: Michael Baker, Jonny Benjamin MBE, Quinn Brown, and Peter McDonnell. I’m grateful to Quinn and Peter for their contributions to this article.   Men’s Mental Health Statistics I struggle to hold statistics in my head for long but here are some numbers from the M...