Gum on My Shoe

Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide. (Donald Woods Winnicott) The above quotation describes a dynamic I know well. Publishing a new blog post every Wednesday means each week I need to identify a topic and then write a piece I’m happy to present to the world. Some are more personal than others, but whatever the topic there’s a balance to be struck between wanting to communicate and respecting my vulnerability. The Desire to Communicate As I’ve written previously , I can’t imagine a time when I’m not expressing myself creatively in some way. That’s taken many different forms over the years, including clay modeling, painting, woodwork, and photography. Mostly, though, I’ve sought to communicate through my writing. These days that’s primarily through this blog, but in the past it’s included poetry, factual articles, short stories, and books. Friends have described me as having a passion for writing, or it being ...

Mental health campaigns stress the importance of talking about how we’re feeling, especially if we’re struggling or mentally unwell. Whether it’s a trusted friend or family member, medical professional, counsellor, therapist, or crisis line, the message is clear: talk to someone. Fran and I believe in the value of genuine, honest, and open communication. It’s the foundation of our friendship and the central message of our book, our blog, and everything we do in the mental health arena. But it’s not always easy, or even appropriate, to be completely open with everyone all the time. All of us fib about how we are sometimes . Even me and Fran, even with each other. In this post I want to look at why our friends and loved ones aren’t always completely open with us about their mental health. Understanding why this happens can help us to be more compassionate towards those we care about, and ourselves. As well as my own experiences, I’ll draw on contributions submitted in res...

Be careful with whom you share your secrets. Don’t forget your best friend has a best friend, and your best friend’s best friend also has a best friend. (Vikrant Parsai) I have a small number of close friends with whom I feel safe enough to be vulnerable and open. A good deal of what we share is personal. Some is intensely private. I trust that what I tell them will be treated with care, and trust myself to handle what they tell me with equal respect. How does that work in practice, though? Do I ever get it wrong? (Spoiler alert: yes.) Do they? (Also yes.) I’ll focus on secrets shared with friends, but the same principles apply no matter who we choose to share with, or who shares with us. Expectations and Behaviour Pause for a moment and consider the following words. Secret . Private . Confidentiality . Trust . What do they mean to you? Do you know what they mean to your friends, and others you share your secrets with? We tend to assume everyone understands these concepts in ...