Gum on My Shoe

There are places you haven’t been where you already belong. (Unknown) This article was inspired by a recent Instagram post by Rachel Kelly. Rachel is the author of five books on mental health and wellbeing. She’s also a respected public speaker, and official ambassador for mental health charities including Rethink Mental Illness and SANE. Her post included photographs of the English Lake District. “Being there,” she said, “never fails to put a smile on my face.” Rachel was in the Lake District when she wrote the foreword for our book High Tide Low Tide . I love thinking that she was in her happy place when she did so. Where are my happy places, though? Where is my heart most at ease? Where do I feel most at home? I settled on four places: Memory Lane, Langrigg; Wateredge Inn, Ambleside; Stack Newcastle; and Costa Coffee, Kingston Park. This selection will come as no surprise to close friends and attentive readers, because I’ve talked about them on several previous occas...

There’s a joke in my family when talking about treating oneself to something: “You’ve got to have some pleasure in life!” The required response, of course, is “You don’t have enough pleasure already?!” I was thinking about this the other day after posting my piece on loneliness for Mental Health Awareness Week. In the article I explored Mark Rowland’s notion that we feel lonely when there’s a mismatch between the connections we have and our social needs and wants. If that’s true, I wondered, what about our other needs? What do we feel when those go unmet? Sad? Angry? Frustrated? Empty? Unhappy? More generally, why do we find some activities and experiences pleasurable and not others? Why do we yearn for happiness and pleasure? What does it mean to be happy, anyway? What about all the times we’re not happy? Do they have value too, or are they merely to be lived though until our next fix of happiness? What’s the point of being happy if you’re only going to be not-happy agai...

Help when you can. Be there when you can. Encourage when you can. A truly happy life comes from giving more than you take . That anonymous quotation came up in my social media feed the other day. On the surface, it’s a straightforward encouragement to help people because it’s good for us to do so. There are three separate elements to it, though, each of which deserves exploring. Offer what people need Offer when you can Enjoy the rewards Let’s take a look at them in a little more detail. Offer What People Need The quotation doesn’t simply say help people, it suggests offering practical help, offering our presence, and offering encouragement. The point is there are different ways to support people, and it’s important to match what we offer with what will help them best. I’m reminded of a maxim of Fran’s that I find really helpful: Give people what they need. Not what you need to give them. It’s easy to skip the first part and leap in with whatever assistance we think is ...

At the start of the year I posted a list of Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2019 . I shared an update in August, but how did I get on overall? Let’s take a look! 1. Take Three Well-being Courses ACHIEVED I feel I've done pretty well with this one. I began two courses which I've yet to complete: Overcoming Self-Sabotage at DailyOM and OpenLearn's Understanding Autism . I updated my Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) training and took Pluralsight's excellent Introduction to Emotional Intelligence , also Future Learn's Understanding Suicide and Suicide Prevention Strategies in a Global Context . Best of all I completed the three day Personal Leadership Programme offered by The Living Leader . This was excellent and gave me plenty to think about. The single best aspect of the course was the Vision Statement we were each invited to write: a snapshot of the ideal life we might have if we believed anything were possible. That is something I will be keeping v...

This is a midyear update on a post I wrote back in January: Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2019 . Let’s see how I’ve been getting on! 1. Take Three Well-being Courses ONGOING At the start of the year I enrolled on the Overcoming Self-Sabotage course at DailyOM. I completed the first three lessons (of fourteen) but ground to a halt and haven't managed to get moving again. I have updated my Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) training, though, and am currently taking OpenLearn's Understanding autism course. I've also completed Pluralsight's excellent Introduction to Emotional Intelligence . The course recommended the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, which I bought and am working my way through. I'm finding it exciting and challenging — always a great combination! Speaking of exciting and challenging, I've been offered the opportunity to undertake the three day Personal Leadership Programme by Living Leader later in the year. It w...

At the start of 2017 and the start of 2018 I listed a number of things I would “quite like to do” during the respective years. I’ve had a lot of fun - and some challenges - with this and I want to continue in the same vein. Here then is my list for 2019. I’ll let you know how I get on! You can see how I did in previous years here: 2017 | 2018 . 1. Take Three Well-being Courses I took two excellent courses at Newcastle Recovery College Collective (ReCoCo) towards the end of 2018. The first was on self-harm awareness . The second was a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) Awareness workshop . I have worked on – and used – my WRAP plan since taking the workshop, which is a testament to how useful the classes were. In the coming year I’d like to take three additional well-being / personal development courses, not necessarily at ReCoCo. The health of any friendship is the responsibility of both parties but I have a history of being either “way too much” or “not enough” in my r...

As I write this, Fran is heading out to a gallery opening in Portland, and then to a classical guitar concert. Before she left, she said to me: i feel so good.. it’s really strange.. my mind is thinking thoughts that are good.. and it’s effortless.. After months, first of depression and then debilitating fatigue, it is still early days, but something does seem to have shifted—or rather, to be shifting. It is wonderful to see the light in her eyes again. To sense hope again. To witness the transition from darkness into light once more. We are both aware of the need for vigilance. Bipolar is like that. Any brightness, any momentary joy, each lifting of the curtain, is suspect, and may be the prelude to mania. But as I told Fran today: You are doing well, and it feels wholesome to me. We will be vigilant. But don’t be scared to have a nice time, to smile, to find ease and enjoyment. These things are your right. You are worthy of them; of goodness, of living life fully. ...