Gum on My Shoe

Find something you’re passionate about and keep tremendously interested in it. — Julia Child This post was inspired by two recent conversations in coffee shops. The first took place one Monday morning in Starbucks at Newcastle Airport. I was enjoying a little me time after returning the car I’d rented the previous week. My blogging EDC (everyday carry) kit was set out in front of me on the little table. My Moleskine diary and the Traveler’s Notebook that serves as a memory journal. My new Filofax Clipbook planner, a gift from a friend. My Lihit Lab pen case, my phone on its folding stand, and the larger of my two Bluetooth keyboards. I was working on my end of year blog post, drafting entries for January and February. I’m pretty much in a world of my own when I’m writing but at a certain point I became aware of someone standing just to my right. I looked up to find a young man waiting patiently for me to notice him. We shook hands and introduced ourselves. Moses was fascinated ...

Every teardrop is a waterfall. ― Coldplay It’s almost a commonplace that it helps to talk things over with someone. From Time to Talk Day to ITV’s current Take Your Mate on a Date campaign we’re encouraged to reach out when we need support and to be there for friends who need us. Fran and I are passionate advocates for mutually supportive friendships. We know first-hand the value of sharing openly and honestly with people we trust. As important as the message is it overlooks one fact. It’s not always easy to be there for someone who’s going through difficult times, especially if it’s someone we know well and care about. It can be hard to listen without interrupting or offering suggestions and fixes. We may also find we’ve taken some of the other person’s stress, anxiety, or worry onto ourselves. These responses are understandable but in general they’re counter-productive. They get in the way of providing genuine help and support. Fran and I were discussing this a few weeks...

Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it. Not to anyone. No one. No one at all. I just want to think about it on my own. Because it is mine. And no one else’s. — Michael Rose Falling this year on February 2, Time to Talk Day is one of several awareness days and events dedicated to countering the stigma surrounding mental health. We’re encouraged to open up to family, friends and colleagues about how we’re feeling, and to be there for others wanting to tell us how they’re doing. These are laudable aims, and fully in keeping with the message Fran and I share in our book and in other writing here and elsewhere. We believe that keeping the channels of communication open is the single greatest contribution we can make to improving the acceptance of mental health issues, and keeping ourselves and those we love as well and as safe as possible. But what if you don’t want to talk about what’s going on for you? What if our friends and loved ones don’t want to talk to us? I consider mys...

By Fran Houston I have found when I not only allow but gently accept my feelings — especially the difficult ones — I get to integrate all parts of myself. My illnesses get to be here too. Pushing them into silence only hurts. And when I share these inner experiences I find kindred spirits who long for that same honesty, freedom, and wholeness. Hiding behind closed doors in our hearts and allowing others to hold the key is the essence of stigma, throwing us into invisible institutions that are more dangerous than the physical ones that existed not so long ago. Let’s replace silence and stigma with openness, awareness, and kindness.   Originally posted on Facebook Aug 23, 2016. Photo by Ales Maze at Unsplash.  

Let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore. (Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez. “Let It Go.”) In a previous article I discussed three kinds of conversation you might encounter in a mutually caring relationship. I call these “My Turn, Your Turn,” “It Will Be Your Turn in a Minute,” and “I Need to Talk Right Now.” Each has its place but the third is arguably the most critical — and perilous — because we’re at our most vulnerable when we allow ourselves to share powerful emotions. There are times when we want and need to just let the words flow, to “dump” (although I hate that expression), to express whatever it is we are feeling or thinking without being interrupted, questioned, or judged. In this article I want to explore how to let the words flow — to vent — as safely and productively as possible. Who, How, When, and Where It goes without saying that it’s best to vent to someone you trust; someone who can hold space without judging you or...

I don’t take vacations away from my friends. I take them with me! If not for coronavirus this would be the final day of my week away at the cottage in Langrigg, Cumbria. I’d be having lunch somewhere, quite possibly the Beehive Inn at Eamont Bridge. Veggie lasagne and chips, and a half-pint of something. Instead, I’m sitting in my garden at home. The cottage booking was cancelled, of course. Hire car too. Instead of a week visiting places up and down the east coast — Holy Island, Bamburgh, Alnwick Garden, Morpeth, Belsay, Blyth — and a week in the Lake District, I’ve spent the fortnight at home in lockdown. No car. No trips out. No visiting friends and family. A weekly walk to the supermarket for groceries. Occasional visits to the local corner shop. My daily walk for exercise. The house. The garden. Before the holiday I’d had three weeks working from home. That wasn’t easy and I’m not looking forward to getting back to it. It was all so new, strange, and scary. The country — in...

We are going through the pandemic together. — Fran Houston In our recent article for Diane Atwood’s award-winning blog Catching Health , Fran and I shared how the coronavirus lockdown is affecting our 3,000 mile friendship. The title we chose — Stay Home, Stay Safe, Stay Connected — highlights our commitment to staying in touch with each other, other friends and loved ones. Fran: Marty and I meet every day on Skype to hang out and process what is going on in the world and relax watching movies together. I talk with other friends on the phone. Martin: Connection is also really important to me. I can’t meet friends in person but I’m keeping in touch with as many as possible. I have friends I talk or chat to every day, coronavirus or not. But since the lockdown I’ve also been reaching out to folk I contact less frequently, or who I’ve not heard from in a while. Fran is doing the same. I’m sure it’s true for most of us. I was thinking about this the other day. It occurred to me th...