Ten Ways to Turn a Bad Day Around

There’s nothing inherently wrong with having a bad day. It’s natural, I would even say healthy, for our mood to fluctuate in response to whatever is going on around us. On the other hand, no one wants to stay stuck in a rut.

Here are ten techniques I use when I’m having a rough day. Several of them feature in my Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP).

It’s worth saying these are not fixes or solutions for anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions although they might form part of a person’s wellness toolbox. They help me weather the ups and downs of life and I offer them on that basis.

1. Go for a Walk

I’ve written elsewhere about how important walking is to my wellbeing. It’s my go-to strategy when things are getting me down. Walking allows me to acknowledge whatever feelings are present for me, experience them, and then let them go. I sometimes use the “hot coals” technique I learned from Fran. I close my hand at my chest, taking hold of whatever feeling I wish to release. I extend my hand to the side and open it, palm down as I walk on. As silly as it might sound, it works. Try it next time you are feeling stuck.

2. Talk with a Friend

I’m fortunate to have a small number of friends I can turn to if I need to share what’s going on for me. I don’t find it easy to be vulnerable but with these few people I feel safe enough to be myself, knowing they will listen without judgement. There are few personal skills more important and healthy than the art of listening.

3. Write It Out

Writing features prominently in my Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP). Apart from our two books and my blogging I’ve kept a daily journal since I was fourteen years old. For most of that time I wrote my diary each evening for the previous day. More recently I’ve started capturing my thoughts in the morning and at various times throughout the day. This means my diary is more of an in-the-moment account of how I’m feeling than an historic account of “how I felt yesterday.” Although journaling is an important part of my wellness regime I occasionally find myself trapped in an unhealthy cycle of introspection. To break the pattern I might challenge myself not to write any more about a certain person or situation until something specific changes.

4. Distract Yourself

Distraction is a core strategy of Dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT); others are self-soothing, improving the moment, and pros and cons. My friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson has written extensively about distraction in a DBT context on her blog I’m NOT Disordered. According to Aimee,

Distraction can include writing and other creative activities, reading, beauty treatments, really anything that can take your attention away from what is bothering you. It is important not to overuse this or it can become avoidance.

I find distraction techniques help when I’m feeling stuck or overwhelmed, especially if other approaches aren’t working. Recently I’ve distracted myself by listening to the BBC News channel when I’m at work or at home in the evening. I can understand that for many people the barrage of world affairs might be upsetting or triggering but it stops me obsessing about things that are troubling me. Music can have a similar effect although I’m careful what I choose to listen to in case it exacerbates how I’m feeling rather than providing relief.

5. Escape for a Bit

Escape is similar to distraction except that the intention is to consciously set the difficult situation aside and find comfort and solace elsewhere for a while. Movies and television shows work well for me, especially when Fran and I watch DVDs or Netflix together online. For an hour or two we can put everything on hold and immerse ourselves in whatever we are watching. This doesn’t fix things but it allows time for my emotions and thoughts to settle and for fresh ideas to emerge. Taking a break from social media can have the same effect.

6. Reward Yourself

I’ve written elsewhere how important it is to recognise and celebrate our successes. That said, when I’m low or upset it’s hard to believe I’m worthy of reward because my default is to blame myself for whatever’s gone wrong. My friend Jen reminded me that no matter what’s happening I can take responsibility and reward myself for that.

What about playdates, Marty? Do you have playdates with yourself? Take yourself to a movie, or to dinner, or to a good bookstore?

This doesn’t work too well if my underlying mood is very low; rather than celebrate I’m likely to spend the time brooding. But if I’ve begun to shift things using some of the other techniques, treating myself can help move me forward.

7. Find Solid Ground

When I’m overwhelmed it can be hard to find a stable point of reference. Paying attention to my day-to-day routine helps but it’s not always enough to get me to a place where I feel grounded and secure. When other techniques fail I sometimes attempt to “jolt myself” back to a time or place when I felt more stable. Music from a particular period in my life can work, as can looking through old photographs or reading my journal from years ago. The aim is to get my feet under me again and then return to the present to face whatever is going on from that place of stability and safety.

8. Change Something

Changing even one small aspect of your situation can affect how you feel. When I’m low or stressed I take less interest in my appearance. Sorting out a nice shirt and my favourite tweed jacket in the morning can be all it takes to shift my mood in a positive direction. Get out of the house if you’ve been stuck inside. Try a different café or even a different table at your regular place. Drive or walk an alternate route to work or to the store. Talk to someone other than the people you usually turn to.

9. Accept How It Is

Despite having all the techniques at your fingertips, sometimes nothing can turn the day around. Processing, talking, escaping, distracting, rewarding — they all take time, energy, and focus and sometimes you just can’t. All you can do is accept you’re having a rubbish day and handle it as safely as you can. Cry, scream, grumble, isolate — whatever it takes to get you through. The very act of “giving up” can help shift your mood. It may not, but it’s worth a try.

10. Go to Bed!

If you’ve made it to the evening — or even the middle of the afternoon — and things are still looking grim, sometimes the best option is to turn your back on the rest of the day and turn in. Tomorrow is a new day and maybe things will look different in the morning.

I’ve shared some of the techniques I use to turn the day around. What works for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences and ideas!

 

Vital But Often Overlooked Self-Care Practices to Focus on Today

By Brad Krause

What we do on a daily basis to take care of ourselves is the number one determining factor in our overall mental health. Many of us live under unhealthy amounts of stress, financial burdens, and physical and emotional strain from juggling home and professional duties. When we think about self-care, it’s easy to overlook the basics. Here is what you should focus on today.

Muscle Relaxation

We think a lot about chilling out and relaxing (mentally), but we often fail to consider physical relaxation. If you have a demanding job or like to hit the gym regularly, muscle relaxation and massage should be a part of your self-care regimen (the benefits are vast). You don’t have to go out and spend a fortune every week on massages. For example, when it comes to the all-important foot massage, great home models will work just fine.

Focusing on Sleep Quantity and Quality

For many, sleep is just a thing you have to do for the next day to start. Even if you love to sleep, you may value other things — family time, work, TV — more. For better self-care, prioritizing sleep (both quantity and quality) is a must. Most adults need between seven and nine hours per night, and it should be uninterrupted. Focus on setting yourself up for quality sleep — avoid looking at digital screens before bed, do something soothing like taking a bath or reading a book, and try to limit consumption of caffeine, alcohol, and food in the hours before bedtime.

Boost Diet and Energy

Everyone knows the importance of eating a healthy, well-balanced diet. But not everyone considers food to be a form of self-care. If eating healthy is a priority but one that adds to your workload and stress, take the guesswork out of meal planning and sign up for a subscription meal kit or choose one day to prep meals for the rest of the week. And if you’re into smoothies, a good immersion blender provides a compact and affordable way to blend those fruits and veggies without a lot of fuss.

Regardless of your approach, setting yourself up for success ensures you’ll stick to the quality food your body needs to do its job. Sometimes a healthy diet isn’t enough, and you still need key nutrients. A multivitamin can provide you with these nutrients and give you a boost of energy as well.

Stretching and Light Exercise

Exercise gets a lot of attention in the self-care realm. However, just as important for your overall (physical and mental) well-being is stretching. Some exercise routines like yoga and Pilates focus on stretching, but there are plenty of other ways to achieve your stretching goals. Stretching not only improves your flexibility and range of motion, but it also boosts blood flow to your muscles and vital organs (your brain!), helps relieve stress, and improves your posture.

In fact, adding a light exercise routine to your days can go a long way toward preserving your health and introducing some much-needed self-care into your life. Fortunately, there are several ways you can do this, from taking a stroll around the block after dinner to getting the family together for an afternoon bike ride on the weekends. And fortunately for seniors, Medicare Advantage plans offered by companies like Cigna-HealthSpring will give you access to SilverSneakers, which allow you to use fitness facilities in your area at no additional charge.

Getting Organized

Clutter — both in terms of your physical surroundings and your schedule — is a huge cause of stress in most people’s lives. Taking the time to truly organize your life — both at home and on the job — is a vital act of self-care. Studies have found that people with clean surroundings are typically healthier. Not only that, but keeping an organized schedule can also give you more control over your time, leading to a reduction in overall stress levels and mental fatigue.

Spacing Out

There are very few times in a day that we turn our own brains off and completely zone out. This is too bad because spacing out and letting yourself be free of focus (on anything) is actually very good for your mental state.

“Mind wandering is not useless mental static. Instead … mind wandering allows us to work through some important thinking,” says Discovery Magazine.

In essence, relaxing your mind to the point of low-level function helps it reset and work through complex issues. This can boost your creativity, problem-solving, and allow you to work through complex emotional thoughts — all good for your overall mental health.

Self-care isn’t selfish — it’s extremely important for your overall well-being. While eating right, exercising, treating yourself to things you want, and other well-known self-care habits are vital, so are these often-overlooked practices. In the end, anything that keeps your mind and body feeling fresh is a critical part of any self-care regimen.

About the Author

Brad Krause created Self Caring after years spent putting his own self-care on the back burner. Brad discovered his real calling: helping people implement self-care practices that improve their overall wellbeing. His website is intended to share his own knowledge and the many great resources he finds on his self-care journey.

Illustration by Max van den Oetelaar at Unsplash.

 

I Wasn't Disappointed in You When

I wasn’t disappointed in you when your weight went up because you ate all the girl scout cookies. Although maybe it seemed that way when I suggested you throw them away or gift them to someone next time, and lectured you about average daily calories. As though that would fix your relationship with your body.

I wasn’t disappointed in you when you told me you cut yourself. Although maybe it seemed that way when I said remember I’m here. Don’t ever feel you’d be a burden or that I’d be too busy or asleep. As though I can make the demons go away.

I wasn’t disappointed in you when you went back to sleep after our prearranged wake-up call. Although maybe it seemed that way when I started calling a second time or a third to make sure you were up. As though your day starts better in my hands.

I wasn’t disappointed in you when you told me there’s no hope, no job, no friends for you so why bother trying. Although maybe it seemed that way when I pushed suggestions in your face you’d tried a hundred times before. As though my blazing positivity could make a difference this time.

I wasn’t disappointed in you. But maybe you were. And I didn’t honour that. I didn’t allow breathing space for that.

I need to sit with this a while.
Breathe it in. And out again.
Because I’m disappointed in me.

 

Five Fun Adventures to Enjoy with a Friend Who Has Bipolar Disorder

By Julie A. Fast

It’s fun to do things together, but it can be hard to figure out what is helpful when a person with bipolar is working hard on stability. Before I truly committed my life to bipolar management, going out drinking at karaoke was my main entertainment. These days, I look for more healing environments that allow me to have a great time and still get to bed on a schedule.

If you’re a friend of someone with bipolar disorder and wonder what you can do together that is relaxing and fun and SAFE, think of these options. I’m in Portland, Oregon in the US where there is a lot of gender openness, so even if something sounds feminine or masculine, please know that there is no limit to what we can do - as you will see by suggestion number one:

Get a pedicure or foot massage together! Find a salon with a good health record and book a joint session where you can sit and get your feet pampered while you both sit and gossip about life. Pedicure chairs are so comfortable. We have a place here in Portland where you can both sit on a big comfy couch and get a foot massage at the same time. Body massages make it hard for friends to interact, but foot massages or pedicures are perfect for talking. Look for Groupon events or special sale days and take a friend to a fun massage! (Marty, do you have Groupon in the UK? Ed: Yes, Julie we sure do!)

Sign up to do a walk or run together. There are many 5k events where you can join a walking or running group to train and then walk together on the race day. I’m not talking about walks to raise money. I’m talking about a walk or run you can to together as a team. When there is an event date, meeting to train gives those of us with bipolar a set schedule. We like schedules!

Go to group events together. Meetup.com has thousands of events around the world that offer fun and often free or low cost entertainment. My friend Karen is a tour organizer and this has opened me to a new world of events and presentations. I’ve lived in many places abroad and love it that Karen and I can go to travel events together. These are cheerful events with great pictures. We are going to an event this week about working while living abroad. Something I did in France in 2016.

Look for a karaoke box near your home and sing together! I lived in Japan for many years where private karaoke rooms were the norm. It has taken time for it to finally take hold around the world, but these days with the ease of digital music, private karaoke rooms can be amazing fun. They are not expensive when two people go at once and many companies actually have karaoke happy hours! Singing is a joyful process for many and the private room means you can goof around as much as you want at four in the afternoon without drinking and staying out too late.

Take a class together. I have taken novel writing, language classes and screenplay classes with friends. Look online for local classes and learn a new skill together! This gives you endless conversation topics and can often be done early in the evening or on the weekend.

People with bipolar appreciate friends who think of things for us to do together when our mood is low. Doing something fun with YOU can be a highlight of our day. Think of what the two of you have in common that is active and requires a specific date. This creates excitement for fun adventures and allows us to show you how much we love your company.

 

About the Author

Julie A. Fast is the author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, Get it Done When You’re Depressed and The Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. Julie is a board member of The International Bipolar Foundation, a columnist and blogger for BP Magazine, and won the Mental Health America journalism award for the best mental health column in the US. Julie was the recipient of the Eli Lily Reintegration award for her work in bipolar disorder advocacy. She is a bipolar disorder expert for the Dr.Oz and Oprah created site ShareCare.

Julie is CEU certified and regularly trains health care professionals including psychiatric residents, social workers, therapists and general practitioners on bipolar disorder management skills. She was the original consultant for Claire Danes for the show Homeland and is on the mental health expert registry for People Magazine. She works as a coach for parents and partners of people with bipolar disorder. Julie is currently writing a book for children called Hortensia and the Magical Brain: Poems for Kids with Bipolar, Anxiety, Psychosis and Depression. She struggles a lot due to bipolar disorder. Friendships keep her going. You can find more about her work at www.JulieFast.com and www.BipolarHappens.com.

 

Bipolar and Saying No: Why I Can’t Always Do Fun Things with You

An open letter to a friend by Julie A. Fast

Dear Friend,

It really upsets me that I have to say no all of the time. I see that you are going to the coast and staying in a cabin while having a barbecue. That really sounds fun. A few of you went to New York last week for a vacation. That sounds amazing. Another friend often has a TV night with her friends and sleeps on the couch if she has too much wine. That sounds like fun!

Some of my friends work a seventy hour week and it sounds exciting.

Others go to sporting events and sit way up in the stands and tell me it was amazing!

I want you to know how much I appreciate it that you ask me to do these things and then explain why I can’t join you.

It’s the bipolar. I don’t ever use bipolar as an excuse for bad behavior. That is why we are such good friends. You trust me and I trust you. But I know that my inability to be as social as you might like can cause us some problems.

If there is a party, I might say no or I might have to leave early. I will never hang out all night for New Year’s Eve and that block party that everyone says is so much fun is just a lot of noise in my bipolar brain.

You are not the reason I say no. In fact, I want you to continue to ask me to do things. You might have noticed that I sometimes do say yes to the evening or day long plans!

But for now, I want you to know how much I appreciate it when we meet for breakfast. Tea or an early happy hour is really great. I love going to karaoke by the hour because we can get there early and leave early. We still get to sing!

I LOVE it that you have so many friends and that you invite me to your parties. I know it is frustrating when you hear me say I am lonely, as I am the one who often says no to your events.

I’m writing this so that we can keep our friendship strong. Here is how you can help me and here is why I appreciate your friendship SO much.

1. Bipolar is a sleep disorder. If you think of it that way, it will help you see why I have to say no to anything that disrupts sleep. You know how you can do a hood to coast run, stay up all night manning a booth for your other runner friends, meet for pancakes the next morning and then sleep it off the next day? That is not possible for me. That situation could put me in the hospital. I know. It’s crazy, but sleep is that important.
2. Bipolar is predictably unpredictable. I never know for sure when I will be triggered but I know my basic triggers. Crowds — so sporting events and concerts will always be hard on me. Meeting new people. I CRAVE new experiences, but my bipolar brain interprets them as stress. So anything new is a challenge.
3. I’m easily tired out by life. Work and seeing you for coffee might be all that I can do in one day. I hate this. I really do! But I have not been in the hospital for years and my friendships are stable because I am so careful.

These are just a few of the reasons I have to say no to things you find enjoyable and easy. And here is how you can help me.

1. Encourage me to try new things and let me know that I can leave if it gets too rough. I am NOT saying I should say no to everything. That is unreasonable. I want to say yes, but let me have an outlet. For example, if I make it 90 minutes at a party, that is a success! If I have to leave a concert early, I probably enjoyed the first part a lot!
2. Remind me that I am in control of my life and taking care of my bipolar is what makes our friendship strong.
3. Remind me to think of YOUR needs. I can’t say no to everything you like and expect you to only do what I like. I truly want to find middle ground. You are my guide with this. Be honest with me. I can learn!

Thank you for being such a great friend. It has been fifteen years and counting. You are the best!

Julie

 

About the Author

Julie A. Fast is the author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, Get it Done When You’re Depressed and The Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. Julie is a board member of The International Bipolar Foundation, a columnist and blogger for BP Magazine, and won the Mental Health America journalism award for the best mental health column in the US. Julie was the recipient of the Eli Lily Reintegration award for her work in bipolar disorder advocacy. She is a bipolar disorder expert for the Dr.Oz and Oprah created site ShareCare.

Julie is CEU certified and regularly trains health care professionals including psychiatric residents, social workers, therapists and general practitioners on bipolar disorder management skills. She was the original consultant for Claire Danes for the show Homeland and is on the mental health expert registry for People Magazine.

She works as a coach for parents and partners of people with bipolar disorder. Julie is currently writing a book for children called Hortensia and the Magical Brain: Poems for Kids with Bipolar, Anxiety, Psychosis and Depression. She struggles a lot due to bipolar disorder. Friendships keep her going.

You can find more about her work at www.JulieFast.com and www.BipolarHappens.com.