Gum on My Shoe

TW: Mention of suicide, self-harm, rape, and abuse

By Sophie Bolam When people think about therapy, they often imagine techniques, strategies, or interventions. Whilst these things certainly have their place, one of the most important lessons I have learned throughout my career is surprisingly simple: people want to feel both heard and understood. As a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist working with children, young people, adults and families, I have had the privilege of hearing many personal stories. Different ages, different circumstances, different challenges. Yet, beneath the surface, there is often a common theme. Many people arrive carrying not only the weight of their difficulties, but also the experience of feeling unheard, misunderstood, or alone in their experiences. Sometimes this comes from others. Sometimes it comes from systems that were never designed with their individual needs in mind. Sometimes it comes from years of trying to explain experiences that feel difficult to put into words. This can result in people mi...

TW: Mention of suicide and suicidality

The one thing you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. — Neil Gaiman, Make Good Art My friend Sophie May was recently interviewed by Tasha Hargreaves for the Bold Brave Business Owners podcast. You can listen to the episode (“It’s more about progression than perfection”) here on Spotify . Sophie and I are relatively new friends, having met online a few months ago. I was fascinated to learn more of her personal journey and the digital marketing business she began earlier this year. Her hopes, vision, and passion came across powerfully and will undoubtedly be of interest and help to many. I look forward to showcasing more of her story and experience here at Gum on My Shoe in the near future. It occurred to me that many of our friends and readers haven’t met me or Fran in person and may never have heard our voices. I thought it would be fun to share a few of our favourite speaking engagements. There’s a full list on our portfolio page...

This blog post was inspired by a recent conversation with my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson. On her blog I’m NOT Disordered Aimee draws on her extensive personal experience. We were discussing some of those experiences when she stopped and told me she had something important to say before she continued. She said sharing what she’s been through in the past — and in some cases still goes through — is incredibly valuable and helpful to her. But she wanted to check that I was okay hearing the details. I told her I was fine, and reassured her I’d let her know if that ever changed. Afterwards, it struck me what an important exchange that had been. It said a great deal about our friendship. Difficult Topics That kind of trust isn’t unique to me and Aimee. It’s relevant to a wide range of relationships and situations. It’s particularly valuable where conversations touch on “difficult” topics such as mental illness, trauma, rape, addiction, abuse, self-harm, ove...

When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark. — Unknown Falling this year on February 6, Time to Talk Day focuses on creating supportive communities by having conversations with family, friends, or colleagues about mental health. By talking about our mental health we can better support ourselves and others. For last year’s Time to Talk Day I explored something that’s rarely discussed in the context of this kind of conversation: repetition . This year, I’d like to offer a few practical tips for supporting friends and loved ones with their mental health. It’s easy enough to encourage people to talk, but how do you respond when they do? These suggestions are based on my thirteen year mutually supportive friendship with my best friend Fran, who lives with bipolar disorder, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS/ME). For more tips and information check out our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . 1. Talkin...

Falling this year on February 1, Time to Talk Day is dedicated to countering the stigma surrounding mental health. Last year, I discussed some of the reasons we might not want to talk about how we’re feeling. This time, I want to explore something that’s rarely discussed in the context of conversations about mental health: repetition. UK readers of a certain age may recall a catchphrase from the sitcom ’Allo ’Allo! , which ran from 1982 to 1992: “Listen very carefully. I shall say this only once.” Sometimes, though, our message isn’t fully received at the first attempt. Being prepared to say things more than once can make all the difference. These thoughts were inspired by a recent video call with my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson, who blogs at I’m NOT Disordered . We were talking about her experiences with the crisis team, specifically the initial conversation with the person who answers the phone. At times, these conversations have not gone well and we dis...

Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it. Not to anyone. No one. No one at all. I just want to think about it on my own. Because it is mine. And no one else’s. — Michael Rose Falling this year on February 2, Time to Talk Day is one of several awareness days and events dedicated to countering the stigma surrounding mental health. We’re encouraged to open up to family, friends and colleagues about how we’re feeling, and to be there for others wanting to tell us how they’re doing. These are laudable aims, and fully in keeping with the message Fran and I share in our book and in other writing here and elsewhere. We believe that keeping the channels of communication open is the single greatest contribution we can make to improving the acceptance of mental health issues, and keeping ourselves and those we love as well and as safe as possible. But what if you don’t want to talk about what’s going on for you? What if our friends and loved ones don’t want to talk to us? I consider mys...

When we speak we educate and also free ourselves from a silence that surrounds mental illness. — Brynn McCann Organised by the World Foundation for Mental Health and observed each year on October 10, World Mental Health Day (WMHD) is an opportunity to raise awareness of mental health issues and mobilize our efforts in support of mental health. Fran and I have shared pieces in the past to mark WMHD and other mental health awareness days and events . I was keen to do so again, but when I saw this year’s theme — Making Mental Health and Well-Being for All a Global Priority — I was unsure what to focus on or how to proceed. The topic is hugely important, but that was the problem. It felt too big, too wide-ranging, for me to address it meaningfully. Surely, anything I wrote could do no more than touch the surface. I was pondering this when my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson asked if I’d like to go with her to a local WMHD event. I said yes immediately. We atte...

Most of the posts Fran and I share here at Gum on My Shoe are about mental health, which is one of the core themes of our blog. The other theme is mutually supportive friendship. Being able to talk with your friend about their mental health and yours is foundational, but it’s just as important to spend time together that isn’t focused on whatever you might be going through at the time. Sharing quality time reinforces your friendship, builds memories, and reminds you both that you value each other’s company in fine weather as well as in stormy times. Plus, of course, it’s just really good fun! Here in no particular order are ten ways I enjoy spending time with Fran and other friends. 1. Read to Each Other We don’t do it as much as we used to, but Fran and I love reading together . More accurately, we love me reading aloud to Fran on our video calls. Our reading list has included fiction and non-fiction titles, including the McCabe and Savage series of thrillers by Maine author ...

I’d like to share a few thoughts for Time to Talk Day , which this year falls on Thursday 3 February. The event was launched in 2014 by Time to Change, a campaign run in England to end mental health stigma and discrimination. This year’s event is organised by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness in partnership with Co-Op. As described on the event’s website, “Time to Talk Day is the nation’s biggest mental health conversation. It’s the day that friends, families, communities, and workplaces come together to talk, listen and change lives.” I volunteered with Time to Change from February 2016 until the campaign closed in March 2021. I’ve shared my experiences previously, including a look-back piece written in April last year. You can read some of my previous #TimeToTalkDay posts here: What Does Having a Conversation about Mental Health Look Like? Would You Rather? Thank You for Not Assuming I’m OK In a recent intranet post written for Brew Monday , one of the lead Mental Health ...