Gum on My Shoe

I am, at heart, a tiresome nag complacently positive that there is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise. — Gore Vidal People don’t always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them. — Unknown A friend will give you good advice — and stand by you when you ignore it. — Pamela Dugdale This post was inspired by a conversation with my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson. Aimee described an article she was writing on the topic of advice, and it got me thinking. I’ve discussed giving and taking advice previously, in such posts as A Few Thoughts on Taking My Own Advice and How to Give Mental Health Help and Advice to People You Don’t Know . It’s a broad topic, though, and there are many aspects I’ve not covered before. In this post I’ll explore a few more, focusing on the following five questions. What does giving advice mean to you? How good (or bad...

Awareness campaigns such as Time to Talk Day encourage us to reach out for help if we’re struggling, and to be there for others who reach out to us. I’ve discussed some of the reasons people may not want to talk , but what about when they do? You might feel confident talking with a friend or loved one about their mental health, but what about someone you hardly know at all? In this post I share how I approach such requests, because it can be very different from talking about mental health with people I know. Little or No Backstory The most obvious difference is that I only know what the person has chosen to share with me. With a friend or loved one there’s a history and a relationship to draw on. A friend will choose to talk to me based on their trust in our relationship and in me personally. When someone approaches me out of the blue there’s very little to provide that broader context. In the workplace I might be contacted in my role as a Mental Health First Aider. The perso...

This post was inspired by a recent conversation with my friend Brynn. I was talking about the piece I was working on at the time; a collection of articles on self-care . She asked, “Do you take your own advice?” I paused before answering. “Sometimes! You know, that’s such a great question. No one has ever asked me that before.” I knew it deserved more than a fleeting response, and resolved to explore it further. This article is my reply to Brynn, and anyone else who’s ever wondered if people who share their wisdom publically ever take their own advice. What Kind of Advice Are We Talking About? I’ll start by saying I don’t consider myself in the advice business. I’m wary of offering advice to anyone unless it’s been specifically asked for. For the purpose of this article I’m going to use the term as a shorthand for “ideas, suggestions, wisdom, and guidance.” I’ll focus on the contents of our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder and this blog, b...