Gum on My Shoe

Learning to drink a coffee and learning to code is the same thing. — Waren Gonzaga This post was inspired by a conversation with a friend who works at my local coffee shop. It was a busy Saturday morning and she was on her own after a colleague had phoned in sick. In between customers we got talking about team working, staff turnover, and the challenges of bringing new team members up to speed. Despite never having worked in hospitality, I could relate to what she was saying. It got me thinking about my experience of training and being trained, the things I learn relatively easily, and those I struggle to master. Working in a busy coffee shop would definitely fall into the latter category! KT in the Workplace My friend was amused that I couldn’t immediately recall my job title, but Intermediate Information Technology Service Manager reveals little about what I actually do. I explained that I’m part of a team responsible for ensuring the computer systems we support are up whe...

Talking about mental health can be difficult and I wrote recently about some of the reasons we may not want to . Part of the problem can be that we lack the words to adequately describe what’s going on for us when we’re struggling. I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when I completed a Mental Health First Aid Refresher course. The training covered several models of mental health and wellbeing, including the mental health continuum and stress container (or stress bucket). Models such as these can never completely describe the personal and often subtle details of what we’re going through, but they can provide a starting point and some common language with which to explore and share our feelings. In this article I’ll cover a number of models I find helpful when talking about mental health, plus two relating to supportive friendships. The Stress Bucket Also known as the stress container this model was originally developed in 2002 by Professor Alison Brabban and Dr Dougl...

Awareness campaigns such as Time to Talk Day encourage us to reach out for help if we’re struggling, and to be there for others who reach out to us. I’ve discussed some of the reasons people may not want to talk , but what about when they do? You might feel confident talking with a friend or loved one about their mental health, but what about someone you hardly know at all? In this post I share how I approach such requests, because it can be very different from talking about mental health with people I know. Little or No Backstory The most obvious difference is that I only know what the person has chosen to share with me. With a friend or loved one there’s a history and a relationship to draw on. A friend will choose to talk to me based on their trust in our relationship and in me personally. When someone approaches me out of the blue there’s very little to provide that broader context. In the workplace I might be contacted in my role as a Mental Health First Aider. The perso...

I’d like to share a few thoughts for Time to Talk Day , which this year falls on Thursday 3 February. The event was launched in 2014 by Time to Change, a campaign run in England to end mental health stigma and discrimination. This year’s event is organised by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness in partnership with Co-Op. As described on the event’s website, “Time to Talk Day is the nation’s biggest mental health conversation. It’s the day that friends, families, communities, and workplaces come together to talk, listen and change lives.” I volunteered with Time to Change from February 2016 until the campaign closed in March 2021. I’ve shared my experiences previously, including a look-back piece written in April last year. You can read some of my previous #TimeToTalkDay posts here: What Does Having a Conversation about Mental Health Look Like? Would You Rather? Thank You for Not Assuming I’m OK In a recent intranet post written for Brew Monday , one of the lead Mental Health ...

“We rise by lifting others” — Robert Ingersoll I’ve written quite a bit over the past year or so about how low I get at times, including how my baseline mood has dropped significantly from where it used to be. There are periods when I doubt the value of what I do, both in the workplace and in other aspects of my life. That includes my connections, friendships, and relationships; my writing; and other work in the mental health arena. When I’m in this kind of “what’s the point?” slump, as I have been recently, nothing seems worth the effort because it feels like nothing is going to make a difference. It’s tempting to just give up on things, or at least contemplate doing so. The scary thing is how easily slumps like this can creep up on you, and how tough it can be to shake those self-defeating thoughts and feelings. The good news is, they can and do shift, and sometimes it’s the little things that make a difference . I was reminded of this last week. I’d like to share a few of...

Time to Talk Day 2020 is Thursday February 6, 2020. Time to Change, the UK’s largest mental health campaign challenging stigma and discrimination has chosen the party game “Would you rather?” as the focus of this year’s Time to Talk Day . Choose talk, change lives. Mental health problems affect one in four of us, yet too many people are made to feel isolated, ashamed and worthless because of this. Time to Talk Day encourages everyone to be more open about mental health – to talk, to listen, to change lives. We know that talking about mental health can feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to. This year, we’re using the popular game ‘Would you rather?’ to help break the ice and get the conversation flowing. I have a confession to make. I’d never heard of, let alone played, this “popular game” until I started writing this article. Maybe I don’t get invited to the right kind of parties! To save you the trouble and embarrassment of googling it (as I had to!) the game is played by aski...

Last week I was proud to speak at an event organised for International Women’s Day by the Women in Digital network where I work. I’d been invited to take part by my friend and colleague Lisa Overall. We agreed on a topic for my talk — how to support a friend who lives with mental illness — based on an article I wrote originally for No Stigmas, “a global non-profit movement utilizing peer-to-peer connections to promote mental wellness and prevent suicide.” The article was subsequently published at The Mighty . I had given the talk once before, at a Talking FreELY event in 2017, but it is a topic which resonates with many (at The Mighty my article has been “liked” more than 1,200 times) and I was confident it would work for this new audience. The room was filling nicely by the time I arrived. I’d estimate there were close to sixty people there as the event got underway. (It is possible the promise of cake had something to do with the turnout!) After introductions, t...

I’m not big on New Year Resolutions, but here are six things I’d quite like to do in the year ahead. 1. Volunteer with Time to Change I had a great time last year volunteering for mental health charity Time to Change at Newcastle Mental Health Day (#NCLMHday) in February, and Newcastle Pride in July. At these events, and December’s Festive Networking Event (see this report by Aimee Wilson), I’ve met some amazing people, and can’t wait to continue my connection in 2017. If you’d like to get involved with Time to Change in any capacity, check out their Champions page . 2. Visit a Pub Specifically, Wylam Brewery at the Palace of Arts in Newcastle upon Tyne. I first visited the brewery’s new venue last August, on the day of Newcastle’s Fiesta Festival on the Town Moor. The place was heaving and I didn’t stay, but I can’t wait to pay a return visit. The Palace of Arts has a long and interesting history . 3. Fundraise for a Mental Health Charity I’ve done a few fundraiser...

The following is excerpted from High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder , by Martin Baker and Fran Houston (Nordland Publishing, 2016). Why Do You Do It? People are sometimes surprised how much time Fran and I spend together, and the degree of support I provide. One friend commented, “Realistically, who’s got the time and energy to unfalteringly provide that level of care and dedication to someone outside your immediate family?” It is a valid question, but misses the point a little. Not everyone with mental illness wants or needs the kind of caregiving relationship that works for us. What they almost certainly do want and need are friends they can rely on. Why is that so important? We all need support and companionship, but people living with mental illness often find friends are in short supply. Changes in mood, energy, and behaviour can strain relationships and leave people isolated precisely when they need help the most. Be the friend who doesn’t wa...

Following on from my blogs on the excellent Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) and Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) workshops, I’d like to share my experience of the QPR Gatekeeper course, which I successfully completed online last week. What is QPR? QPR Gatekeeper training (the acronym stands for Question, Persuade, Refer) is one of several suicide prevention training programs developed by the QPR Institute. There is a good summary of the program on their website. The course covers: How to Question, Persuade and Refer someone who may be suicidal How to get help for yourself or learn more about preventing suicide The common causes of suicidal behavior The warning signs of suicide How to get help for someone in crisis The course costs $29.95 (approx £12.85) on the QPR website but it is offered for free by some organisations including Hope for Life . Who is it for? A Gatekeeper is someone in a position to recognize a crisis and the warning signs t...

Thoughts on World Suicide Prevention Day. I feel it is important to say that being there for someone who lives with suicidal thoughts and feelings isn’t all about talking them down from a bridge or asking how many pills they took, what they were and how long ago. In a crisis, intervention, situation, yes. But for many people suicidal thoughts and feelings are an occasional or an ongoing reality and if we care for them we can support with the hope and intention of helping them keep from ever getting to the bridge parapet or downing the pills. If you don't know how to approach your friend or colleague or family member, give it a go anyway. If you don’t know what to say, say something, from a place of care and heart, not from a place of judgement or anger. Ask how you can help. Or just be quiet and be there. Most of all, be yourself. The best yourself you can be. Because in that moment, your needs are not the issue. Your friend, your colleague, your family member, the p...

I’d like to share my experience of the Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) course I completed last week, because it deserves to be far more widely known about than it is. I’d never heard of Mental Health First Aid until I attended an event organised by the "Time To Change" programme, but it sounded just what I was looking for and I registered on the first available course. I had to take time off work, and pay for the course myself, but I can honestly say it’s the best investment I’ve made in a long time. What is MHFA? "Mental Health First Aid is an educational course which teaches people how to identify, understand and help a person who may be developing a mental health problem. In the same way as we learn physical first aid, mental health first aid teaches you how to recognise those crucial warning signs of mental ill health." [MHFA England website] Four versions of the course are available in the UK. Lite (3 hours, £75) Standard (2 days, £300) Youth (2 days, ...