Gum on My Shoe

Falling each year on July 24, International Self-Care Day is an opportunity to promote self-care as a vital part of our health and wellbeing. The date (represented as 24/7 in most parts of the world, 7/24 in the US) reminds us that self-care is important twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. What Is Self-Care? Self-care is one of those terms that’s difficult to define, not least because it can mean different things to different people. I find the following definition of self-care by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) helpful. Self-care means taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health. When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact. Self-care looks different for everyone, and it is important to find what you need and enjoy. It may take trial an...

Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. — Susan Cain A few months ago I shared a post inspired by Fran’s approach to things she’s unsure or anxious about. It wasn’t a theoretical exercise for me. As I mentioned in the article I’d been invited to a wedding in April. “I’m already anxious about it,” I confessed. “But it means a lot that my friends want me there and I’m looking forward to celebrating their day with them.” Social anxiety isn’t fun. And it’s not only weddings. I’ve felt anxious attending funerals, parties, mental health events (I’m aware of the irony), even get togethers with friends. If the plans involve more than two other people it’s a safe bet I’ll be uneasy about it beforehand. I called it social anxiety but I can be more specific. It’s the conversations that are the issue. I’m generally okay talking one-to-one. But as soon as there’s a third perso...

This post was inspired by a recent conversation with Fran. It happened a few days before she set off on a weekend trip with folk from MOAC (Maine Outdoor Adventure Club). Fran had attended several of their events in the past but this was to be her first trip away with the group. She was feeling a little anxious. I reminded her it's natural to have some anxiety when you're about to do something different. How the anxiety is a strategy your mind and body employ to protect you, perhaps as a result of past dissapointments. If you worry about something in advance and what you are worried about happens, you're prepared. You get to say, "See — I knew it." If what you were worried about doesn't happen, you get to feel relieved and pleasantly surprised. It's not a particularly healthy way of approaching things and it burns a lot of emotional energy, but it's understandable and far more common than we imagine. I reassured her that it was okay to feel what sh...

Hosted every May by the Mental Health Foundation, Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW) is an annual UK event offering an opportunity to focus on achieving good mental health. The theme for this year’s MHAW (May 15 – 21) is anxiety, which is something that affects many of us. In a survey carried out by the Mental Health Foundation one in four adults said they sometimes felt so anxious that it stopped them from doing things they wanted to do. I’d like to share my experience of anxiety and a few things I find helpful. Anxiety and Stress The terms anxiety and stress are often used interchangeably, but there are some important differences. Understanding which condition we’re dealing with helps us figure out how best to respond. The following is taken from the Anxiety UK website . Most people experience stress and anxiety at some point in their lives. Generally, stress is a response to an external cause, such as a tight deadline at work or having an argument with someone, and usually...

In my recent article 11 Things I Am Grateful for This Week I revealed “I’ve been experiencing a good deal of stress lately one way or another.” I thought it would be useful for me — and hopefully interesting for others — to explore what was going on for me at that time and how I handled things. Why Was I So Stressed? I sometimes get stressed about work or relationships, but this time the trigger was discovering the hot water tank (immersion heater) at home had stopped working. Looking back, I can see there were several strands to my stress and anxiety. The first was the immediate, practical issue of not having any hot running water and having to find someone to deal with it. I have a poor track record finding reliable tradespeople. I felt under pressure to engage someone who would do a good job for a reasonable price. There were several other plumbing jobs which needed doing about the house, including drippping taps in the bathroom and kitchen, and a kitchen was...

By Aimee Larson Several years ago, I came across a memoir called Let’s Pretend This Never Happened . I have to admit, as I stood at the bookstore, I did not know who Jenny Lawson was. According to her bio, she was a well-known blogger called “The Bloggess” and this was the first book she has ever written. I stared at the front cover, a taxidermied mouse that was holding up a skull in similarity to William Shakespeare’s play Hamlet . My random soul appreciated this very book cover, and I knew I had to get this book. I did not know about her writing style, and to be quite honest, this was the first memoir that I even thought about reading. I checked out the book and remember running over to my then-boyfriend (spoiler alert: now husband) and showed him the book as though I found a unicorn. He smiled at me, not at all surprised that I picked a book based on the cover. I can always appreciate randomness, add in animals, and well, you have my heart and soul as a reader, and let’s be ...

Call me irresponsible Call me unreliable Throw in undependable too (James Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn. “Call Me Irresponsible.”) At some point, we’ve all had issues with unreliability. The friend who always turns up late. Workmen or deliveries that fail to show when they’re supposed to. Appointments cancelled at the last minute. Friends who expect us to be there for them but rarely return the favour. These are annoying but we understand life gets in the way sometimes, and we acknowledge we’re not always as reliable as we’d care to admit. Dealing with repeated or chronic unreliability is a different matter. If unresolved it can lead to anger, stress, anxiety, and other health issues. So let’s take a closer look at the hidden cost of unreliability, including the impact our own unreliability can have on others. What Is Unreliability? Dictionary.com defines reliability as things “that may be relied on or trusted; dependable in achievement, accuracy, honesty, etc.” Unreliability ...

No place for beginners or sensitive hearts When sentiment is left to chance. (Sade Adu and Raymond St. John. “Smooth Operator.”) Have you ever wondered if you’re too sensitive or need to be more thick-skinned? Have others said it to you? The question came up recently in three separate conversations with friends and I’d like to explore it in some detail because it feels important. I’m wary of labels like “too sensitive” or “too thin-skinned” because they imply there’s some universal scale of sensitivity and you’re outside the acceptable range. There may be some truth in that but careless use of such labels fosters stigma, including self-stigma when we use them about ourselves. That said, my friends used words like these to describe what they’re going through. Setting my reservations aside, what did they mean? What Does “Too Sensitive” Look and Feel like? In their different ways my friends were expressing the belief that they respond to things in unhealthy ways, or to an unh...

Let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore. (Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez. “Let It Go.”) In a previous article I discussed three kinds of conversation you might encounter in a mutually caring relationship. I call these “My Turn, Your Turn,” “It Will Be Your Turn in a Minute,” and “I Need to Talk Right Now.” Each has its place but the third is arguably the most critical — and perilous — because we’re at our most vulnerable when we allow ourselves to share powerful emotions. There are times when we want and need to just let the words flow, to “dump” (although I hate that expression), to express whatever it is we are feeling or thinking without being interrupted, questioned, or judged. In this article I want to explore how to let the words flow — to vent — as safely and productively as possible. Who, How, When, and Where It goes without saying that it’s best to vent to someone you trust; someone who can hold space without judging you or...

Following on from my article Three Things I Wish People Knew about Loving Someone with Mental Illness I want to share a few things I’ve learned about mental health medication. First, a disclaimer. I have no first-hand experience of taking mental health medication. What I’ve learned comes from my nine-year friendship with Fran and from other close friends. My loved ones live with a variety of mental health conditions and symptoms including anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder (BPD), depression, visual and auditory hallucinations, suicidal thinking, and self-harm. Some live with more than one of these. Several also have physical health conditions to deal with, including chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS/ME), type 1 diabetes, fibromyalgia, hearing loss, visual impairment, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). Despite their different conditions and histories, my friends have many experiences and approaches in common when it comes to medication. I’ve cho...