Gum on My Shoe

i'm doing really really well right now but it may not always be so.. i have bipolar.. it's not my fault.. it's not who I am.. i also have cfs and fibro.. will you still like me when i'm ill?.. will you ignore me?.. will you unfriend me?.. even block me?.. will you still love me when i'm not nice and sweet and how you'd like me to be?.. Fran  

How a Peaks Island woman struggling with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and depression created a book about the people of her island. A funny thing happened to me in December 2010. I wrote a piece called "Lessons of the Night" straight from my heart, even though I was sick. I sent it in to a tv station and they extended an invitation for an interview. This is what transpired.. Fran Video link : Fran's interview starts at 15:50.

I was asked by Martin to contribute to his blog regarding my experiences with ME/CFS. This was right after an extremely poor night’s sleep, but luckily my mood is not tied to my sleep so I was very polite in accepting! How to explain it... Firstly, a couple of things about me. My name is Michael and I am 24 years of age, currently living at home. This past year has seen the beginnings of my ME, and it is a considerable struggle living with it. I would never have called myself healthy. I have lived with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome for those who don’t know) for most of my adult life; since I went to university anyway. But after several months of crippling fatigue I finally got a diagnosis, a tentative one anyway. As to my experiences, the best way to describe ME, for me at any rate, is the crippling, almost toxic fatigue. It does not go away with rest (for example, I had 12 hours of sleep one night, and woke up just as wiped out as I had been the day earlier). It...

i am always amused when friends say wow you are out all the time doing lots of fun stuff.. truth is, the happy face on the outside doesn't always tell the pain, fatigue and torment on the inside.. photos posted from delightful places don't tell the story of what it costs to be there.. having three chronic, invisible mental and physical illnesses is a full time job requiring much effort and care.. i rest a lot.. i meditate a lot.. i regularly flatline.. i work harder now than i ever did as an engineer.. time with friends, time with music, art, theatre, just time out.. is part of my wellness regime, as well as just something i like to do, as everyone does.. but it takes a lot to get there.. my bucket needs to be full or nearly full or i'll run into trouble.. self care, connections, and enjoyment are critical components of my staying alive.. only a few see the whole story.. i try to present well to the world, so others need not suffer my travails or worry about me.. ...

It’s two years since Fran first suggested we write a book about my experiences as the friend of someone living with illness. Writing a book isn’t something to be taken on lightly or casually, but I didn’t anticipate just how much would be involved with the book itself (research, study, writing, editing, and all the work we’ve done in the quest to find a literary agent) or how much the journey would challenge and enrich me. I’ve taken courses I would never have thought of taking if it wasn't for Gum on My Shoe , including the excellent Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) and ASIST workshops. I’ve expanded my awareness and involvement in the online mental health community developing our social media presence. Most importantly of all, I’ve met some wonderful people. Last night, Fran and I met up with a dear friend we’ve each known online since 2011 but had never previously met face to face. It was great to all hang out together: to laugh a...

You see them look, and shake their head. “Why doesn’t she just get out of bed?” That same old question, you always hear, “What’s wrong with you now, my friend, my dear?” That million dollar question, they want to know, It has no answer, how would I not know? It’s hard for those who love you to stick around, Who wants to watch a loved one only frown? We understand that, believe it or not, For neither do we like to see your eyes drop. Our world around us, could be crumbling down, Or nothing bad at all could be going down. Depression has no logic, no rhyme or reason, It simply has to come and go, just like the four seasons. ~ Kim Rachelle Robinson  

The simple answer is that we get to find out what’s really important in our relationship. When friends are used to always being there for each other it's courageous to risk months with no certainty of regular contact, especially when one person lives with mental illness and the relationship is crucial to their stability. That's what happened during the summer of 2013, and let’s be honest, it wasn't easy. We were as careful about planning as time permitted and put such safeguards in place as we could contrive. We made it through what was without doubt the most challenging period in our friendship, and one of the most trying of Fran's life, but there were times when it hurt to be so out of touch and times when I was genuinely concerned for Fran's well-being and safety. There are healthy and unhealthy aspects of any close relationship. The healthy include mutual support and encouragement, having someone to share things with, and simply 'hanging out'. For ...

This first appeared as a guest post on Julie A. Fast's blog , 7 September, 2014. Thanks Julie! Like many of the friends I’ve met on the internet, Marty charmed me with his commitment to helping those with bipolar disorder, especially his friend Fran. I asked him to write about his experiences as a friend of someone who has bipolar disorder and how it has changed his life. ~Julie A. Fast “You’re stuck with me now, Frannie.” “Like gum on my shoe!” People are always interested when I say I’m writing a book called Gum on My Shoe . “What’s it about,” they ask? I say, “It describes my friendship with Fran who lives 3000 miles away. Fran has bipolar disorder. She gets depressed, manic sometimes and is frequently suicidal. Despite the distance, I’m her main support.” I wonder if you can guess some of the responses I get: “Gee that’s rough on you!” “I couldn’t do that!...

When friends are used to always being there for each other, it's courageous to risk months with no certainty of regular contact, especially when the relationship is crucial to the stability of someone with mental illness. Chapter eight, Embracing Joy , covers five weeks in May and June 2013, from the first suggestion that Fran might accompany her parents in Europe for the summer, to the authors meeting face to face in Southampton, England. From chapter outline, Gum on My Shoe: One Step at a Time with My Bipolar Best Friend .

This first appeared as a guest post on Megan Cyrulewski's blog , 29 August, 2014. Many thanks Megan for inviting me to guest on your blog today. My name is Martin Baker — Marty, please — and I'm co-author with Fran Houston of Gum on My Shoe: One Step at a Time with My Bipolar Best Friend (currently seeking an agent). Since Megan invited me I've been pondering a suitable topic for this blog. Several suggested themselves but none felt quite right. Then, a few days ago, I found myself sitting in a coffee bar with a new friend, discussing the nature of friendship and how my relationship to people has changed over the years. My friend seemed to find it of interest (perhaps she was being kind — she seems kind) and I thought others might find it interesting too. Fingers crossed! Years ago, my model of people and relationships looked something like this: My world comprised an Inner Circle of "Special People" (immediate family and close friends, most of who...

When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed. (Maya Angelou) Yesterday my wife and son took part in the "ice bucket challenge" in support of ALS/MND. It was a lot of fun for us all (I held the camera) and afterwards we each donated to one of the MND charities. We have no personal connection to the charity and I'm not aware of knowing anyone with the condition. Like millions of others, we took part, and donated, because of the viral nature of the campaign. Nothing wrong in that, right? I certainly don't begrudge the attention which has been focused on this debilitating condition, nor the monies which have been raised to fund research and support those who live with it. Others have chosen to use the same "ice bucket challenge" format to raise money or focus attention on other conditions or issues. Some huge amounts of money have been pledged (even allowing for those who may have posted videos of themselves being doused and forgotten ...

I have bipolar I/manic phase disorder. The psychotic symptoms and/or tendencies I get during mania episodes include schizophrenia, paranoia and delusions (which are different from hallucinations). I know for me it's really important to keep to taking my meds regularly as prescribed. I am on med. management with my psychologist and I see a nurse for my treatment plan. My son is a nurse and is in charge of my med. management at home. Before that, when I was doing it by myself, I'd be okay for a while but during my mania episodes I would forget and take too much, and then have to be hospitalized for a toxic dose. It has taken over thirty years for this to all come together and that is why I am keen to help others if I can. A few friends and I have started using social media to remind each other to take our meds, because we know how important it is. The meds do not cure but they help us to manage our mental/emotional disorders. You have to have the correct diagnoses and a good ...

Fran and I are delighted to announce the Gum on My Shoe summer giveaway. Share your favourite footwear for a chance to win some amazing prizes! Fabulous prizes We're grateful to the authors who generously made copies of their books available for the giveaway. You rock! Two Bipolar Chicks Guide To Survival: Tips for Living with Bipolar Disorder , signed by authors Wendy K. Williamson and Honora Rose ( link ) Who Am I? How My Daughter Taught Me to Let Go and Live Again , signed by author Megan Cyrulewski ( link ) Moorestorms: A Guide For The Bipolar Parent , signed by author Rebecca Moore, founder of The Bipolar Parenting Foundation ( link ) Pompeii, A Short Story , by Tina Concetta Marzocca ( link ) The Reason I Jump: One Boy's Voice from the Silence of Autism , by Naoki Higashida ( link ) For the Love of Peaks: Island Portraits and Stories, A Collection , signed by author Fran Houston ( link ) Collected Poems: 1977–1984 , signed by author Martin Baker ( li...

Following on from my blog about the Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) course I took in February, I'd like to share my experience of the Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) workshop I attended last week. The two day workshop was organised and delivered by Chester-le-Street and Durham City Mind and held the Cragside Education Centre Campus for Ageing (formally Newcastle General Hospital), Newcastle upon Tyne. What is ASIST? ASIST is one of several programs developed by LivingWorks Education, a public service corporation focusing on understanding and preventing suicide. Other programs include eSuicideTALK which I have taken and highly recommend to anyone wanting to increase their awareness (see below for details of this and other programs). The ASIST workshop is for caregivers who want to feel more comfortable, confident and competent in helping to prevent the immediate risk of suicide. The two-day intensive workshops are taught in small groups of no more than fi...

Megan’s book, Who Am I? How My Daughter Taught Me to Let Go and Live Again , is about her journey into post-partum depression, anxiety disorder, panic attacks, stays in the psych ward, divorce, emotional abuse, domestic violence, law school, how she managed to graduate from law school and a beautiful little girl who emerged from all of this chaos. Author Bio Megan Cyrulewski has been writing short stories ever since she was ten-years-old. After attending Grand Valley State University, Megan eventually settled into a career in the non-profit sector for eight years. She decided to change careers and went back to school to get her law degree from Thomas M. Cooley Law School. While in school, she documented her divorce, child custody battle and postpartum depression struggles in her memoir. Megan lives in Michigan with her 3-year-old daughter who loves to dance, run, read, and snuggle time with Mommy. Megan also enjoys her volunteer work with various organizations in and around ...

"Why is it so very hard for friends without illness to 'get it'?" Fran asked that question yesterday in a social media group we're both members of. My response grew into some wider contemplations about awareness, prejudice and fear, which I thought would also be worth sharing here. I'd welcome any comments. As one of the "well ones", I guess there are many different reasons why it can be hard to understand what someone with illness is going through. Innocent unawareness Through knowing Fran I've come to a far greater awareness of what it means to live with illness, including mental illness, but my knowledge and understanding is still partial. For example, I have no specific understanding of what someone with schizophrenia, say, might go through, because I have had no direct experience of that. I would call this "innocent unawareness" in the sense that it comes from simple un-knowing. What is important is to be aware of those gap...

Someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder is unlikely to ever be permanently 'fixed' or 'cured', but that's not to say there is no hope, or that life will be unremittingly grim. Each person, like each diagnosis, is unique. Some people have periods of remission and stability lasting for years. Others may be less fortunate, but our experience is that it is possible to recover from the acute phases of mania and depression, and to take positive steps towards maintaining stability and wellness. These steps involve developing habits and strategies (including taking medication as prescribed) that foster self-care, and remaining vigilant for behaviours which might herald the approach of mania or depression. During an acute episode of mania or depression the focus is on managing the symptoms and restoring the person to a place of balance. Once relatively stable, the emphasis shifts to maintaining balance and minimising the frequency and severity of future episodes. It is nei...

We use 'bipolar disorder' throughout this book, but it's important to recognise that the term covers a range of symptoms which may be experienced differently by different people. Reflecting this, people are often given a more specific diagnosis such as bipolar I (type one bipolar disorder), bipolar II (type two), rapid cycling, or cyclothymic disorder (cyclothymia). We will look at these labels in more detail later but in simple terms bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness or manic depression, is a disorder of the brain which manifests as abnormal levels of mood and energy. Everyone experiences life's ups and downs, and it can be difficult to draw clear lines between the extremes of the 'normal' range and mild or early stages of a bipolar episode. It may not be obvious to others but someone with bipolar disorder needs to constantly monitor where they are against a shifting landscape characterised by regions of relative stability, depressi...

This article is excerpted from chapter 2, “The Illness Experience: Understanding Your Friend’s Diagnosis and Symptoms,” of our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . My father had chronic rheumatoid arthritis throughout his adult life. My memories are of a man progressively crippled by disease who refused to let it affect him more than absolutely necessary. He died when I was eighteen years old from infections his body was unable to fight after decades on oral steroids. My mother once asked me if I had resented the limitations his disability imposed on our family. The question astounded me. It had never occurred to me to think like that. In my early twenties, I developed dermatitis on my hands and arms. It was painful and inconvenient, but I accepted it as something over which I had little control. It eventually cleared and has not returned. A few years later, I was hospitalized following an episode of acute abdominal pain and bleeding. The c...

Directly or indirectly, illness visits and affects our lives in different ways. Our attitudes towards illness (and the ill) are influenced by our experiences, as well as our broader values and beliefs. No matter what views we hold it’s important to remember that others may think differently about what it means to be ill and how best to respond to the challenge. We support those living with illness best if we can respect our differences and remain open, caring and non-judgemental. Gum on My Shoe: One Step at a Time with My Bipolar Best Friend Chapter 2, "The Way of Illness".

A friend on Twitter shared a link today to her blog article about needing to let go of unhelpful, toxic people and relationships. Her words brought me face to face with the realisation that there have been many times in my life when, for one reason or another, someone has needed to let go of me . It's not an easy thing to admit to oneself, but I don't have to look too far, or too far back, to find examples. We're each responsible for how we handle, or attempt to handle, the situations in which we find ourselves, but that doesn't release us from responsibility for how we behave towards, relate to and interract with others. We may not know their histories, their pain, their needs, their triggers, and it is okay to get it honestly wrong sometimes, but we need always to be aware that our lives impinge on others and that good intentions don't give us the right to wade in, unannounced or heedless of our impact on those around us. I've never intended to hurt or m...

This week I changed the username of my personal Facebook page from nothingrhymes to marty.baker.author. That is: www.facebook.com/nothingrhymes has changed to www.facebook.com/marty.baker.author (the dots are optional so martybakerauthor works just as well). Nothingrhymes referred to a line in a poem I wrote many years ago. For Richard’s room This room    your room    our room all she has seen and shown us - pain and passion truth and tears honestly like laughlines on a face too used to sorrow comprimised.     Picture and prose her walls display the madness of our little world where innocence and we find consolation. In the REAL WORLD nothing rhymes and no one cares yet here           still, even                     the furniture loves us. Maybe we’re right but...

Two nights ago Fran and I baked lemon squares. To be more accurate, Fran baked lemon squares while I read out from the recipe and kept an eye on the time while they were in the oven. It’s not the first time we’ve baked or cooked together. First time it was banana bread. Second and third time it was banana bread too (it was good banana bread!) After that we made chicken soup. Proper chicken soup, with a carcass, onions, mushrooms, celery, lentils, the works. When I used to make chicken soup I’d throw in a handful of pearl barley. Fran wanted rice. Lots and lots of rice. I did my best to dissuade her (“Frannie, wait... Nooooo!”) but that’s another story. Where was I? Oh yeah, lemon squares! As you can see from the photo, they came out really well (the photo was taken just after the tray came out of the oven and before they were cool enough to cut up). It’s just a shame I won’t get to taste them! Most of the time living 3,000 miles apart on opposite sides of the Atlantic is a minor in...

At ten o'clock in the morning of 14 January 2008, Jonny Benjamin was standing on the wrong side of the railings on London’s Waterloo Bridge. Distressed, hopeless, and moments from jumping into the Thames, he was approached by a man who offered him a cup of coffee. Jonny never knew the stranger’s name but six years later he was reunited with the man who saved his life. Neil Laybourn came forward after Jonny's Find 'Mike' campaign went viral. Launched with the support of the charity Rethink Mental Illness, the appeal was shared by celebrities from Boy George to UK Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. The hashtag #FindMike trended around the world and the story was picked up by television, radio and print media. Find 'Mike' brought mental illness and suicide prevention to a global audience, and reminds us that helping someone in crisis isn’t the preserve of the specially trained or unusually gifted. The importance of human connections is recognised by The Internat...

It's hard when you have invisible, incurable, chronic illnesses. I have three. My days and nights are spent 'managing' symptoms that come and go or linger, without any sense or reason. There is no control over the simplest of things. Conventional and alternative medicine has not substantially helped. For the past 20 years, I have tried everything. I have spent countless amounts of money. Hope is running out. I work at acceptance but my patience wears thin. My courage is spent. The energy it takes to not complain - so I won’t be judged or have endless 'fixes' suggested by friends and strangers - is too much to bear. I wish I had cancer. That would make things so much easier. It would be defined. It would be understood. It would even garner compassion. There would be an end. Either remission or death. With this, I live in a hell on earth with spots of heaven sprinkled in when I come up for air and a true friend grabs my hand. Fran

Today is the first day of spring, International Happiness Day, and my birthday, so I guess I should be happy. As a matter of fact, I am, but the expectation that we should be happy on any particular day (our birthday, Christmas, a friend’s wedding, International Happiness Day) denies our right to feel - and crucially to express - whatever we happen to be experiencing in the moment. I tweeted earlier today that, for me, happiness isn't about being smiley and "happy happy" all the time. It's about being genuine, and connecting with people. Maybe what I’m thinking of isn’t “happiness” at all, because being genuine and connecting can and frequently does cover a wide gamut of emotions and experiences, not all of which are cosy or easy. Maybe it’s “real-ness”. It is what happens when we allow ourselves and each other to experience the moment (this moment, this today moment). Whatever you want to call it, it is what I find most valuable and rewarding in life. Fran somet...

I was thinking today (it being my birthday and all) about the essence of giving and receiving, which is to share simply, open-handedly and open-heartedly, without expectation of gratitude or return. I was reminded of two poems, which I would like to share with you. Call it a gift. ~Marty A blade of grass You ask for a poem. I offer you a blade of grass. You say it is not good enough. You ask for a poem. I say this blade of grass will do. It has dressed itself in frost, It is more immediate Than any image of my making. You say it is not a poem, It is a blade of grass and grass Is not quite good enough. I offer you a blade of grass. You are indignant. You say it is too easy to offer grass. It is absurd. Anyone can offer a blade of grass. You ask for a poem. And so I write you a tragedy about How a blade of grass Becomes more and more difficult to offer, And about how as you grow older A blade of grass Becomes more difficult to accept. by Brian Patten ...

“You’re stuck with me now, Frannie. I hope you realise that.” “Like gum on my shoe...” Best friends Marty and Fran live three thousand miles apart. Fran has lived with depression and bipolar disorder for over twenty years: Marty is her main support, carer and lifeline. In Gum on My Shoe: One Step at a Time with My Bipolar Best Friend , they share what they’ve learned about growing a close, mutually supportive relationship between a “well one” and an “ill one”. This book is a companion guide for those walking a similar road. With one in four experiencing mental illness in any given year, you or someone you know may be one of them. Using plain, non-technical language, real life conversations and examples from their own experience, Marty and Fran offer original approaches and practical tips for taking the good and the bad “One step at a time”. Uniquely, they show how technology and the internet mean no one is too far away to care, or to be cared for. Written from the well one’s perspe...

I was very excited when my friend Martin Baker, co-author of Gum On My Shoe , asked me to write a piece for Gum’s blog site. His knowledge and constant encouragement have both been invaluable to me as I’m writing my autobiography. I’m a 44yr old mother of three, and grandmother of one. Writing has always come naturally to me, and I’ve had the idea of my book in my “head” for years before actually starting it. I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder for seventeen years, and spent fourteen of those years educating myself about the illness. At the time I was diagnosed, the illness wasn’t as widespread and as easily diagnosed as it is these days. Patients that were diagnosed didn’t really talk about it. I’m quite positive that the term “crazy” wasn’t as accepted as it is now. I consider it a pet name, and am not offended by it at all. We didn’t have websites, facebook pages, etc to read about it in private. What we knew was what our doctors told us, normally in the form of 15 minute...

My name is Mariah A. Rackliff. Although I have been writing since I was thirteen years old, A Room Without Walls is my first published work. At the age of thirteen I began to write as a way to cope with feelings of extreme hyperactivity, extreme sadness, and a constant flight of ideas. I wrote many poems from this time until I was in my early twenties. At that time I stopped writing so much because I became so addicted to alcohol and the idea that it was the only way I was able to cope. After receiving a Bachelor’s Degree in English Literature, I began working as a special educational technician. During the summers I worked as an Employment Specialist for a local agency helping children with mental health diagnoses. During this time, I worked on receiving my second Bachelor’s Degree in Social Science. Six years later I began working as a Children’s In-Home Program Manager, and a Residential Supervisor. After this time, I decided to make another change and apply for a...

The next part of the book proposal to be written is called About the Book. "Isn't it ALL about the book?" you might ask, and you'd be right, up to a point. But as we have been discovering, a book proposal has to cover rather more ground than "Hey this is a great book, sign us up!" There are sections covering the market (audience), our credentials as authors, other books already published, production details, promotion, brief chapter summaries and sample chapters... phew! In many ways, the About the Book section is a summary of all those parts, and then some... and it's important to get it right. I had my big pad of paper out earlier, and my best fountain pen, and did some scribbling... out of which, I believe, came some useful ideas which we will be looking to develop in the next few days. Wish us luck!

We’ve not provided any updates for a little while but rest assured, we are working away behind the scenes! The main focus at the moment continues to be putting together the book proposal for "Gum on My Shoe". That is taking longer than we (certainly Marty) originally imagined, mostly because we’ve never written one before and were a bit naïve as to what it entails. It’s challenging, but as we go through the process we are gaining a far better sense of where we want to go with the book, and who our main audience will be. Marty has been active on Twitter recently, and has met some great people over there. If you would like to follow us there, our Twitter handle is @GumOnMyShoeBook . We’d love to hear from you! We’ve also been blessed in finding some great people to provide words of endorsement, which should stand us in very good stead. Mighty thanks to those who have done so, or have said they might! The support and encouragement of you all means the world to us. We rea...

Introducing an occasional series of guest posts. Today, Chris Roberts shares her story and reveals what Gum on My Shoe means to her. I have Bipolar I, which includes the psychotic symptoms during the mania episodes. The psychotic symptoms include schizophrenia, paranoia, and delusions. I was first hospitalized when I was a little over 17 and a half, and off and on for over 30 yrs. There was no such diagnosis for Bipolar Disorder back then and it was thought that I suffered a drug overdose and would not come out of it. It wasn't until I was about 34 yrs. old that I was diagnosed. I'm almost 55 yrs. old now and have less severe manic episodes, but still suffer with mood swings and the intense emotions that go along with the disorder. I haven't had to be hospitalized in several years now. I take an anti-psychotic, mania meds, and an anti-depressant, to help not cure the disorder. I enjoy the Gum on My Shoe Facebook page , because it further educates people about wha...

I’d like to share my experience of the Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) course I completed last week, because it deserves to be far more widely known about than it is. I’d never heard of Mental Health First Aid until I attended an event organised by the "Time To Change" programme, but it sounded just what I was looking for and I registered on the first available course. I had to take time off work, and pay for the course myself, but I can honestly say it’s the best investment I’ve made in a long time. What is MHFA? "Mental Health First Aid is an educational course which teaches people how to identify, understand and help a person who may be developing a mental health problem. In the same way as we learn physical first aid, mental health first aid teaches you how to recognise those crucial warning signs of mental ill health." [MHFA England website] Four versions of the course are available in the UK. Lite (3 hours, £75) Standard (2 days, £300) Youth (2 days, ...

The darkness is coming by Bernadette Barnes have you ever heard the voice of the darkness as it whispers sweet entreaties in the night have you trembled at the fearful thought that there may be no retuning of the light down and down you slowly slip away into the ever widening gulf of the abyss caressed by the velvet hand of terror and anointed by the devil’s frigid kiss trapped in the web of sleeplessness longing for the pale pink light of dawn but somehow inky midnight clings and cloys as the waking nightmare goes on and on then when all trace of hope has vanished and your soul knows you will never survive a golden sun crests the distant horizon and you are shocked to find you are alive so you rise and set out to face the world but still the darkness speaks in dulcet tones keeping you trapped in its firm and icy grip as it deftly whimpers and softly moans then you know that this time will be lost to you though you may walk in the sunshine all day for you ...