Gum on My Shoe

The one thing you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. — Neil Gaiman, Make Good Art My friend Sophie May was recently interviewed by Tasha Hargreaves for the Bold Brave Business Owners podcast. You can listen to the episode (“It’s more about progression than perfection”) here on Spotify . Sophie and I are relatively new friends, having met online a few months ago. I was fascinated to learn more of her personal journey and the digital marketing business she began earlier this year. Her hopes, vision, and passion came across powerfully and will undoubtedly be of interest and help to many. I look forward to showcasing more of her story and experience here at Gum on My Shoe in the near future. It occurred to me that many of our friends and readers haven’t met me or Fran in person and may never have heard our voices. I thought it would be fun to share a few of our favourite speaking engagements. There’s a full list on our portfolio page...

By Charity Megan Riley The following is taken from the introduction to my 2025 novel Bipolar Dreamer . In the late 1990s, many young women wanted to be Felicity Porter, a character on a TV show called Felicity , which aired from fall 1998 until spring 2002. The pilot episode reveals a socially awkward, intelligent girl named Felicity, in Palo Alto, California, asking her high school crush, Ben, to sign her yearbook. He writes a note saying that although he never got to know her, he always wondered what she was about and he admired her. After she reads his message, she changes her college plans. The main character in Bipolar Dreamer , Phoebe, is part Felicity — the hopeless romantic part — but she is mostly me. Like me, she is a big fan of the show Felicity and dreams to have the life of the star character — to be on her own, far away from home, and to be doted on by several young men. She is smart but suffers from problems she can’t clearly define. Phoebe’s stressors are main...

This article is excerpted from chapter 3, “The Way to Wellness: Treatments, Therapies, and Vigilance,” of our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . Getting Well and Staying Well In the last chapter [The Illness Experience: Understanding Your Friend’s Diagnosis and Symptoms] we explored the symptoms Fran lives with day-to-day. Let’s turn now to how she limits their impact, so as to live as fully and richly as possible. We discuss only medications, therapies, and other treatments Fran has used personally. These may not be directly relevant to your friend’s situation. As Fran expresses it, “What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. We need to find our own ways and make peace with them.” It is also important to note that no strategy works forever. What we report as having worked for Fran in the past may not do so in the future. In the realm of chronic illness, wellness is a dynamic experience. We hope, nevertheless, to convey two...

I had the pleasure to be contacted recently by Tony Roberts, Chief Shepherd of Delight in Disorder Ministries and author of When Despair Meets Delight . He invited me to contribute to an upcoming book, Hope for Troubled Minds: Letters Between Those With Brain Illnesses and Our Loved Ones . This interested me because the topic and message fit so well with what Fran and I share in our books and here on our blog. I also love the open letter format, and posted a selection of open letters here last year. At Tony’s request, I’m delighted to share the details of the book and extend the invitation to contribute. If you’re interested or would like to know more about the project, get in touch with Tony at the details shown below. Closing date for submissions is June 1, 2023. Hope for Troubled Minds: Letters Between Those With Brain Illnesses and Our Loved Ones At 8 you started hearing voices. We took you to a doctor who put you on medicine, but your depression plunged. In Middl...

I can’t promise I won’t get scared sometimes, but I am not afraid. The first key message I want to share is that there’s nothing to be afraid of in being friends with someone who lives with mental illness. That might seem an obvious thing to say, but it’s important given the degree of stigma and social isolation many people experience if they live with debilitating illness of any kind. We all like to believe we’re above such prejudices, but if we’re honest most of us can admit to having felt uneasy at times in the company of people who, on the surface at least, appear different from us or whose needs leave us feeling uncomfortable or helpless. Even if we don’t feel that way ourselves, we might have had difficulty dealing with other people’s negative reactions to our friend or loved one. If anyone had told me years ago that I’d meet somebody online who would become a close friend, I’d have been happy to believe them. If they’d gone on to say that this person would live on the other...

This post was inspired by a recent conversation with my friend Brynn. I was talking about the piece I was working on at the time; a collection of articles on self-care . She asked, “Do you take your own advice?” I paused before answering. “Sometimes! You know, that’s such a great question. No one has ever asked me that before.” I knew it deserved more than a fleeting response, and resolved to explore it further. This article is my reply to Brynn, and anyone else who’s ever wondered if people who share their wisdom publically ever take their own advice. What Kind of Advice Are We Talking About? I’ll start by saying I don’t consider myself in the advice business. I’m wary of offering advice to anyone unless it’s been specifically asked for. For the purpose of this article I’m going to use the term as a shorthand for “ideas, suggestions, wisdom, and guidance.” I’ll focus on the contents of our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder and this blog, b...

This is the story of how our first book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder came to be written, taken from the book’s Preface. It’s available from all good booksellers; check our book page for details. Preface Writing has always been an important part of my life. I remember the teacher who encouraged me by providing a notebook for my extracurricular stories. I remember being snubbed by my classmates for asking if I could submit a poem in place of the expected essay: our teacher thought it such a good idea he set poetry for the entire class. I remember volunteering as assistant editor on the school magazine because I had a crush on the teacher. I remember the yellowing copy of Ezra Pound’s poetry I borrowed from the library and neglected to return. I wrote poetry through sixth form (my final two years at school) and university; later essays, articles, and short stories. I have kept a personal diary for over forty years. A keen science...

No Pedestals No relationship can flourish if there is a perceived difference in stature or status. It is important to remember that we are all human, all fallible, all flawed. As Fran puts it so well, “We are all perfectly imperfect.” Despite recognising the dangers, we have each been guilty on occasion of putting the other on a pedestal. I am a great support to Fran, and offer a degree of commitment she has rarely known. It was easy in the early days of our friendship for her to see me as some sort of hero or saviour figure. Fran: you are my world.. you are.. my life.. the reason.. of it.. all.. how how how.. do i deserve you..? Martin: Don’t make me into more than I am, Frannie. Fran: ok ok.. for you no pedestal.. you are an oak.. rooted.. grounded.. Fran’s spirit, courage, and resilience have occasionally led me to put her on a pedestal of her own, a situation complicated by her inclination to compare herself unfavourably to other people in terms of health, relations...

As any author will tell you, compiling the acknowledgements page is not the simplest part of writing a book. We learned so much compiling the acknowledgements for our first book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder that we wrote an article about it , in the hope other authors might benefit from our experience, and our friends and readers might understand how we went about it (and, perhaps, why they were — or were not — included). It is the most read post on our blog. You can read our acknowledgements for High Tide. Low Tide here . The publication of a new edition of our second book No One Is Too Far Away: Notes from a Transatlantic Friendship offers us the opportunity to again share our gratitude here on our blog. Acknowledgements Fran and I would like to thank Sarah Fader and everyone formerly at Eliezer Tristan Publishing for inspiring this collection and publishing the first edition. We are grateful to Kingston Park Publishing for the o...

Two of my greatest passions are coffee and writing. I thought it would be fun to share a selection of cafés and coffee shops with particular links to my work. Over the years, my writing has moved through several phases. For ten years (1996 through 2005) I ran Middle-earth Reunion (“The alternative Tolkien Society”). I designed and maintained the group’s website, and published our quarterly journal and newsletter. I wrote articles and short stories which explored the consequences of asserting Tolkien’s role as translator of authentic Middle-earth texts. You can find many of these writings on the Middle-earth Reunion website. My next major focus was High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder co-written with Fran Houston between 2012 and 2016. My blogging career began with the launch of Gum on My Shoe in 2013. I’ve written for many other blogs and organisations , including bp Magazine (Bipolar Hope), Mental Health First Aid England, I’m NOT Disordered, Bipo...

As our website and Facebook page declare, “Gum on My Shoe is a creative partnership between best friends Martin Baker and Fran Houston.” That’s clear enough — and true — but you might wonder why we chose such an unusual name and what it means. It dates back to a conversation Fran and I had not long after we met in 2011. “You’re stuck with me now, Fran. I hope you realise that.” “Like gum on my shoe...” The phrase stuck (pun intended!) and when we began planning our book late in 2012 it was an obvious working title for the project, and for our new online platform. You can read the concept statement for our book here . We announced our Facebook page in April 2013. Our blog gumonmyshoe.com launched later that year. Welcome to Gum On My Shoe! I have created this page as a sort of travel diary as I journey along the long and winding (and glorious) road towards publication of the book I am writing in collaboration with Fran Houston. The book’s working title is “Gum On My Shoe: M...

This article is excerpted from chapter 1, “The Caring Friendship: Key Skills and Attitudes,” of our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . Photo by nonresident on Unsplash. No matter who we are, we all assume various roles in our relationships with others. At different times, Fran and I have used a variety of labels to clarify our respective roles. These include friend, best friend, listener, confidant, teacher, balancer, haven, gate-keeper, and advocate. The three most fundamental are listener, balancer, and haven. Being a Good Listener Being a good listener is a very specific skill; knowing a person well and caring about them does not necessarily make the role easier. Four key points help me focus on what is important. Don’t interrupt. Remember it’s their story, not yours. Save your judgments for later. Don’t try to fix everything. Don’t Interrupt It is hard to listen to someone in distress—especially a friend or loved one—witho...

This article is excerpted and updated from chapter 7, “The ‘S’ Word: Being There When Your Friend Is Suicidal,” of our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . Photo by Alex Blăjan on Unsplash. Taking Care of Myself Being in a relationship with someone who talks about wanting to die can be stressful and draining, so remember to pay as close attention to your well-being as to your friend’s. My self-care needs are threefold. First, I need to believe I can handle myself and Fran safely. The more I learn about her illnesses and situation, the more confident I am in my ability to support her and help keep her safe. Second, I need to know what to look out for, and who to contact should I ever find myself out of my depth. I keep a copy of her wellness plan, which includes contact details for friends and key medical professionals, with me at all times. Third, I need my own support team. It is vital to have someone — a friend, colleague, family member, or...