Gum on My Shoe

The inspiration for this post was a recent chat conversation with my friend Jen. In the space of an hour, I twice said something to which she replied “Yeah. Exactly.” That simple validation meant a lot because it confirmed we were on the same page. Thinking about it afterwards, it struck me how important this kind of validation can be. It’s particularly helpful when the experience or situation being shared isn’t common to both people involved. That’s often the case when I’m talking with someone I don’t know, or if we’re discussing their mental or physical health, suicidality or self-harm, trauma, rape, or abuse. I’ve written elsewhere how I approach such situations. How to Give Mental Health Help and Advice to People You Don’t Know How Are You, Really? Eight Things I’ve Learned About Suicidality and Self-Harm I Believe You. It wasn’t Your Fault. You Are not Alone. Being There for a Friend Who’s Survived Rape or Sexual Abuse Are You Okay Talking About This? Trust and Boundar...

Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide. (Donald Woods Winnicott) The above quotation describes a dynamic I know well. Publishing a new blog post every Wednesday means each week I need to identify a topic and then write a piece I’m happy to present to the world. Some are more personal than others, but whatever the topic there’s a balance to be struck between wanting to communicate and respecting my vulnerability. The Desire to Communicate As I’ve written previously , I can’t imagine a time when I’m not expressing myself creatively in some way. That’s taken many different forms over the years, including clay modeling, painting, woodwork, and photography. Mostly, though, I’ve sought to communicate through my writing. These days that’s primarily through this blog, but in the past it’s included poetry, factual articles, short stories, and books. Friends have described me as having a passion for writing, or it being ...

How goes it? I’m having a good day. Was on an excellent call this morning about men’s mental health and support groups. Got my MHFA Network call this afternoon too. Great!! That little exchange is from a chat conversation with my friend Brynn last Thursday lunchtime. I’d been pretty low for a few days, which she knew, but when I sent those words I was feeling much better. Being able to say that to my friend was important in itself, because it reminded me there are good days as well as rubbish ones. So what had made the difference? In a word, connection. The morning session I mentioned was organised through the Men’s Network at work, ahead of International Men’s Day (November 19). The call was led by Gary MacDonald, who founded the Mind the Men peer support group in Glasgow, Scotland, in memory of his cousin Grant Macdonald who was lost to suicide in 2018. The group provides men “a safe place to talk about their challenges be listened to and feel supported.” The presenta...

So again, it’s time to examine your “shoulds.” “Shoulds” are so often the assimilated wants of other people and of your culture. — Philippa Perry, The Guardian , October 17, 2021 This article was inspired by a short exchange on social media. I said I’d completed one blog post and was pondering what to write next. A friend replied: “Write about pondering what to write!” It brought a smile, reminding me of the time I was struggling to write, and ended up writing about exactly that . I smiled too, because I’d had to consciously avoid saying “I’m pondering what I should write about next.” That word — should — slips so readily into our sentences, even when we know we should avoid it. Ooops. See what I mean? Perhaps you’re wondering what all the fuss is about. What’s wrong with should ? It’s a word. It is, indeed. It can be used in a variety of ways but they tend to fall into one of two categories. Implying a sense of duty or imperative. (I should have phoned my mother ye...

By Daisy Davidson As a young person living in such unprecedented times, I felt empowered to use my free time for the better. I saw on social media and in the news how people are struggling to cope with being isolated and the impact that this pandemic will be having on people’s mental health. It may be easier to cope if you have close family and friends or if you’re tech-savvy with social media. However, a lot of people are isolated in day-to-day life and the most social contact they get is at a local cafe or pub. I wanted to create a website for everybody and therefore, I made it as simple to use as possible. I made sure no email, phone number or any other personal details were necessary. I hope that people can find comfort in the fact that they’re not alone in how they’re feeling. I felt it crucial that the writers’ anonymity is kept, unless they choose otherwise, as people can often fear the judgement of others. My website Letters to the World took around ten days to creat...

By Aimee Wilson When the virus was first being talked about on social media, I honestly thought it was a joke because Corona is a popular drink among many of my friends and family! And now look at the world! I’m ashamed to say that I don’t think I started taking it seriously until things began closing and the supermarket shelves started to empty! In all honesty, I thought that people were just panicking for no reason and causing unnecessary drama. Firstly, I don’t really pay much attention to current affairs; not because I’m ignorant. It’s just that I don’t see how worrying about something that either doesn’t concern me or that I can’t do anything about, is helpful to my mental health. Some people might think that makes me self-involved but feeling powerless is one of my triggering emotions and to hear of people starving and dying or their country being on fire, doesn’t help my safety and is there a whole lot of point in risking my safety for something I can’t change? 1. Your foo...

By Quinn Brown Photo of Scarborough beach chalets by the author As someone who suffers with crippling anxiety, it has unfortunately heightened due to the outbreak of coronavirus which is affecting pretty much the entire planet. But I have been finding ways to focus on things that are not coronavirus related. Here is what I did to help myself which could help anyone who is in the same boat. Partake in some photography. I have a nephew who I have been using as my subject but you can also use objects or pets, whichever takes your fancy. Put some calming music on. I’m a Motown / Marvin Gaye kind of guy myself so that type of music helps to relax me when my anxiety starts flaring up. Talk to friends online or by phone. You can use apps such as Skype or Zoom or you can just use Messenger. Or if you want to hear a voice, a good old phone call is also good. Indulge in a good book! I’ve been reading Dracula by Bram Stoker and it is a classic! Blogging is one of my ways of venting a...

By Amy Cullis Ever since I started to become mentally ill, I have noticed a distinct drop in the amount of times I have been invited out by friends. I have even lost friends because of the effects of my illnesses. Many of the times I’ve been invited out, I know I’ve cancelled and this probably leads to someone wondering if I really do want to meet up with them. The truth is, I do though. I really truly do. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s hard to believe that one person can accumulate so many mental illnesses, but it is possible. Each of these illnesses affect my functioning in one way or another, and pretty much all of them can affect my ability to get out of the house and meet up with people. My Anxiety and OCD make me worry about humiliating myself in public. I fear losing control of my bladder through not being able to get to a toilet in time. I have to co...

Last week I was proud to speak at an event organised for International Women’s Day by the Women in Digital network where I work. I’d been invited to take part by my friend and colleague Lisa Overall. We agreed on a topic for my talk — how to support a friend who lives with mental illness — based on an article I wrote originally for No Stigmas, “a global non-profit movement utilizing peer-to-peer connections to promote mental wellness and prevent suicide.” The article was subsequently published at The Mighty . I had given the talk once before, at a Talking FreELY event in 2017, but it is a topic which resonates with many (at The Mighty my article has been “liked” more than 1,200 times) and I was confident it would work for this new audience. The room was filling nicely by the time I arrived. I’d estimate there were close to sixty people there as the event got underway. (It is possible the promise of cake had something to do with the turnout!) After introductions, t...

By Julie A. Fast As friends of people with bipolar and schizoaffective disorder we want to be understanding and kind regarding the struggles people with serious mental illness face. But — and it is a very big BUT — there is a line to be drawn in terms of what you as a friend can handle, especially if the person’s symptoms are active. I see this from both sides. I have bipolar disorder and a psychotic disorder myself. I know what the symptoms can do to our minds, and ultimately how they can affect our friendships. I have lost or left many relationships with people who have untreated mental health symptoms. On one occasion a friend with schizoaffective disorder decided that I had stolen one of her ideas. She texted me at 11:30 p.m. on a Saturday night and said: I am very upset with you! I just saw your latest blog post and you’re using my ideas in this post and this is not cool. I need you to take it down and print a retraction! Another time, a friend with bipolar one decid...

This article was originally published as a guest post on Peter McDonnell’s blog. I am grateful to Peter for inviting me to guest on his blog. He didn’t set a specific topic so as I sit here in one of my favourite coffee shops on a Saturday morning I’m wondering what to write about. What to share. On the table beside me is the book I have been re-reading for the first time in decades: John Powell’s Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? It’s not a book about mental health as such. It is a book about communication; about sharing our truths, doubts, fears, delights, and hang-ups with one another; and in so doing, allowing understanding and compassion to grow. (It is Powell’s contention that only by being honest and open with others can we come to know ourselves.) And that is of relevance to all of us, whether we live with a mental health diagnosis or not. This kind of honest communication is fundamental to the close, caring, mutually supportive relationship I have with my best ...

Back in January I posted a list of seven things I’d quite like to do in 2018 . I shared a mid-year update , but how did I get on overall? 1. Read Two Books ACHIEVED The two books I originally selected to read (actually to reread) were Talk Like TED , by Carmine Gallo, and Peter Matthiessen’s The Snow Leopard . I didn’t finish the first and haven’t started the second but I did reread Alan Garner’s The Owl Service , and Fran and I recently finished A Fatal Obsession , the latest thriller by Maine author James Hayman. 2. Bring My Weight Back under 180 Pounds ACHIEVED As I reported back in June , I’d had very little success through the first half of the year, but I finally found the motivation to do something about it. I brought my weight down from 192 lbs to around 178 – 180 lbs, where it has remained for a month or so. My intention is to press on again to reattain the weight I was at a few years ago when I first brought myself down from 200 lbs. Watch this spa...