Gum on My Shoe

Sad to say I must be on my way So buy me beer and whiskey ’cause I’m going far away (far away) I’d like to think of me returning when I can To the greatest little boozer and to Sally MacLennane — Shane MacGowan, “Sally MacLennane” This is written as a tribute to British-born Irish singer-songwriter and musician Shane MacGowan who died November 30, 2023 at the age of 65. I have no privileged knowledge or insight into the man’s life or work, indeed I knew little about him until recently. I want to focus on the impact Shane MacGowan has had on my life. His death has given me a great deal to think about in a number of areas, including political history, national identity, resilience, mental health, and addiction. If you’re interested in more, I’ve included a list of resources at the end of this article. Fairytale of New York I must declare up front that I was never into punk rock, though it broke onto the music scene in the mid-70s when I was in my teens. To the extent that I ...

TW: Mention of suicidality, trauma, and addiction

This article was inspired by conversations with friends and colleagues, including Aimee Wilson of I’m NOT Disordered who recently shared on social media that she was a day away from celebrating one year free of self-harm. In addition to talking with Aimee about her achievement, in the past week I’ve spoken to two people beginning their respective journeys to shed unhealthy dependencies. One is working to break an addiction to sugar and unhealthy food. The other is determined to give up alcohol and nicotine. Despite very different situations and experiences, certain themes kept coming up, which I want to explore in this article. I should state up front that I have no first-hand experience of self-harm or addiction. My perspective is that of a caring and concerned outsider. What Is Self-Harm and Is It Addictive? Self-harm can take many forms. In the words of UK mental health charity Mind , “[s]elf-harm is when you hurt yourself as a way of dealing with very difficult feelings, ...

By Sachit Grover My motivation to make this series of films with the dance group STTM (Stories Told Through Movement) was the fact that there isn’t much talk about mental health within the South Asian community. Recently, Bollywood films like Dear Zindagi and Chhichhore have started talking about mental health, but it hasn’t been talked about in a mainstream fashion. I wanted to team up with STTM dance to have this talked about more publicly. We felt this collaboration would be beneficial given that we would be able to maximize our reach. A lot of people like dance videos while others prefer watching short films. We thought a combination of both would garner a larger audience. In the first episode of LOST , Lea and Shruti are introduced. In this series, Lea is the daughter of Shruti and Vijay. The first episode focuses on a dance segment between Lea and Shruti to the song Aashiqui (The Love Theme). In this first episode, Shruti is a figment of Lea’s imagination. That’s why ther...

By Daniel Wittler We are in the midst of a very difficult time. Covid-19 has taken away many of the luxuries we have in life and have taken for granted. Of course, many of these things are materialistic and possible to live without. There are certain groups of people that are being much more affected than most. I can’t tell you how many times a day I wonder how people in early recovery are doing while this is going on. I think about myself in early recovery and there were days where the biggest thing I needed was to go to a meeting and talk to somebody about the giant funk I was in that day and what I could do about it. There is a lot of power in simply talking to one another in recovery. Someone in early recovery feeling trapped and stuck from the outside world is a terrifying thought. Thankfully, with all of the advances of technology we are not truly alone. We are able to connect with our friends and family through internet/webcam services. Sure it’s not the same as being w...

By Kailey Fitzgerald Being in recovery from drug addiction and having a mental illness concurrently can be extremely mentally taxing. On my off days, when I am not keeping up with my daily routines and neglect my self-care mechanisms, my life can seem chaotic and unmanageable. I often say it feels like I am just constantly putting out one fire after another. On the other hand, when I do manage my dual diagnosis well, I am truly happy. Finding coping mechanisms and a healthy daily routine that worked for me took a lot of time and effort through trial and error. What may work for one person, may not work for another. It wasn’t until I went to an addiction treatment center and began true, honest, and rigorous therapy that I finally found what worked for me. Go to Therapy Regularly Going to therapy and giving it a real, honest shot is what saved my life. For years I was repulsed by laying down on some brown over-sized couch and telling some stranger with a medical degree all o...

By Maya Kelley My childhood was not an easy one, despite my mother’s efforts to keep me safe. I grew up in a loving home, was provided with everything I needed, and was exceptionally bright from an early age. Even with being provided the best foundation I could have to excel in life, I turned down a path of self-destruction. I was filled with hatred for myself, mistrust towards others, and a general apathetic outlook towards life. Early Childhood Trauma At around the age of seven, I was mauled by my family dog. I slipped and fell, let out a high-pitched scream, and the dog’s prey drive must have kicked in. This incident left me nearly dead, with scars all over my face and neck. I was happy while I was in the hospital; I got to participate in arts and crafts while I recovered with my loved ones around me. Once I went back to school, the kids were not as welcoming. I was bullied for the scars on my face which left me with extremely low self-esteem at a young and impressionabl...

By Kailey Fitzgerald Growing up, I always felt like I didn’t fit in; I felt like I was a little off when compared to my peers. I had this terrible and seemingly constant feeling in the pit of my stomach when I would try to talk to other kids, and a ringing voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough. When I would accomplish something, I would find the reasons that it didn’t amount to anything and head down on a path of self-destruction. Everything appeared perfect from the outside, but from the inside, I was absolutely falling apart. I managed to maintain until I was around twelve years old. I started to have violent emotional outbursts that I couldn’t seem to control, and it began to affect my relationship with my mom. She noticed that I wasn’t behaving normally and decided to send me to a psychiatrist. At first, when I was diagnosed with Intermittent explosive disorder and social anxiety I thought my whole life was over. I was only twelve years old and society had led...

By Cassidy Webb In recovery I see a lot of people go in and out. Unfortunately, not everyone makes it back. I’ve lost a lot of friends to addiction and I’ve watched even more of them struggle with their mental health. I’ve watched mental illness take over the minds of good people to the point where it drives them back to the needle or the bar. When it’s somebody close to me, I just want to shake them. I want to shake the misery, the despair, and the fear right out of them. I want them to get well. I want them to get the help that they deserve. However, I can’t do that. I’m not that powerful. Growing up I was told to sit quietly and look pretty. Sharing my emotions was frowned upon, and when I did, I felt judged. I felt like the outcast whom nobody understood. I became a master at shoving my emotions down until they became too much to bear. I would then break down in major depressive episodes. As a teenager, I found solace in drugs and alcohol. I didn’t have to feel anything except...

Photo: Vikki Beat In the latest of our Bloggers’ Days Out, fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson and I attended Stranger on the Bridge and Other Stories of Friendship and Support at George Street Social in Newcastle. George Street Social is an alcohol-free bar and café run by the Road to Recovery Trust which offers hope and support to people in recovery from addiction problems. We were among the first to arrive and were greeted warmly by Lucy Nichol who I first met last year at the launch of her book A Series of Unfortunate Stereotypes . Lucy is a trustee and marketing and communications lead for the Road to Recovery Trust, and chaired the event. Photo: Martin Baker The first to speak was Paula Cowie who is also a Road to Recovery trustee. Paula shared her lived experience and how important the Trust and George Street Social are to the local community. Matthew Smith from the If U Care Share Foundation went next. He spoke with great honesty and openness about his old...

By Sarah Fader In a funny way, anxiety can be addictive . It’s something about that rush, that feeling that you are high on adrenaline even if it’s a negative feeling. You get used to running on anxiety autopilot and you want to keep that ship going. You are accustomed to panicking; you leave things to the last minute so that you can get that energy rush in order to make it happen faster. That's the weird thing about mental illness, it can work for you instead of against you and it's unpredictable when it will do that. Being aware and talking about what you're dealing with is essential to coping with mental health issues. Back to anxiety; when I was in college I used to wait until the last minute to do my term papers because I felt like that adrenaline was something that was going to help me. Now I know that it’s not necessarily helpful but actually makes me more anxious and can harm my mental health. Still, there is this addictive quality to panic. Even though legit...

Nine years old. That was my age when I experienced my first depressive episode. Some people throughout the years have told me that this is impossible; no nine-year-old, especially one with a good family and loving parents, has a reason to be depressed. It still bothers me sometimes when people willingly display blatant ignorance on a subject that they are not experts on. But through the years I have learned to overcome the frustration and I’ve utilized whatever resources I’ve had at my disposal to inform and educate those that really want to have a better understanding of the mental struggles that so many of us, of any age, are challenged with every single day. The truth is that, at the time, not even my parents believed that there was anything seriously wrong with me. They thought that my severe dislike for school had drove me to implementing new and creative ways of staying home. Yes, I did loathe school and the anxiety that dealing with the kids and the teachers brought me, but ...

I have several writes in my head, itching to get out. Perhaps I can combine a few threads together to get a cohesive whole... I have been dealing with some serious issues lately, including my own behavior. I am entering an alcohol treatment program to address my substance abuse and what happens when I drink. This is something that is a long time coming. I had the disease a long time, before I ever used. You see, addiction, in my experience is most often a hereditary disease, fostered in childhood. The use and abuse of intoxicating substances has been a problem since man first evolved. I have done a lot of research on this topic, over the years and recently. Since my last DUI, I have been doing at least four hours of research a day on the topic of recovery. I search the Interwebz, print and other media, to seek answers to my questions. Someone recently asked me what MY ideal recovery program would be, and I will try to address some of the key components here. First of all, I nee...