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Showing posts from January, 2018

Our Mexican Adventure, Part Two: “Well, the Good Thing Is…”

I give myself permission to fully experience whatever comes up during this trip, knowing I am safe. —Martin Baker As I described in part one of this series , Fran is in Mexico right now. I am keeping a journal throughout the trip, and compiling my day-by-day notes into a series of weekly blog posts. This post covers Fran’s first week in the town of Ajijic in the State of Jalisco, on the north shore of Lake Chapala. Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five Our Mexican Adventure, Part Two: “Well, the Good Thing Is…” Wednesday, January 24, 7:35 a.m. UK time I had a nice call with Fran yesterday (Tuesday). She’d slept better (the first night she’d woken freezing cold and had to put on extra layers) and sounded calm. She was glad she’d decided to stay in and rest the night before. The call set us both up for the day. Fran went out for brunch in Guadalajara yesterday, checked out from Hotel Frances at noon and then caught her ride to Ajijic (“Hola, Enri...

Two Poems by Kenneth J Cody

City of Sadness My life is sealed by two distinct black walls, An interstate of racing thoughts, Scattered throughout a city of morbid ruin. Suicidal cells circulating, Polluting the air of this decomposing surrounding, Tearing holes in each brain wave. There are many doors painting the walls, Each an opening to a hidden reality. On each door protrudes an industrial strength lock, Designed to protect oneself from eternal sadness. In a constant war with the one who holds the Key, Whose power so strong, Can open every door, Creating a lowness of absorbing disease. A growing desperation to be free, To cut all power, By destroying the one who holds the Key, Manic Depression. Whenever presented with an unlocked door, Shadowed memories of utter discomfort become visible. Revealing an empty bed maintained by a broken heart. Soon all other memories begin to surface, Like tiny thorns imbedded into my brain. A bottle of empty pills, Unprotected intercourse, An abort...

OCD Makes My Life Hard

I am checking for my wallet again. It's the third time I've done this and I don't actually want to do it. But I'm scared that it's gone. What if it's missing? Then I have to go get my driver's license again and my debit card replaced. My OCD makes me compulsively check to see that things are in place. I want to feel comforted. I want to feel like things are okay. I'm working on positively reinforcing myself when I refrain from checking, which is a treatment for OCD. The less I engage with checking the better. The more I can practice self-control and work in therapy with this behavior, the better it is for me and for the people I am close to. I want to be better, but I know that "better" is a judgment on myself. Let me rephrase - I want to be able to control the compulsions to check things. I want to not have a mental illness but I don't have the choice. We are born into this world with certain flaws if you consider mental illness a flaw;...

Our Mexican Adventure, Part One: “I Got My Crew”

I give myself permission to fully experience whatever comes up during this trip, knowing I am safe. —Martin Baker In our book , Fran and I describe how we handled our distance, mutually supportive, friendship while she was traveling in Europe for three months in 2013. Fran has taken a few shorter trips since then, but nothing comparable in terms of length, distance, or potential impact on her health and wellbeing. Until now. Right now, she is newly arrived in Mexico for a month to undertake dental work. I thought it would be interesting to blog my side of things in a series of weekly posts. In this first post, we move through the week leading up to Fran’s arrival in Guadalajara. Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five Our Mexican Adventure, Part One: “I Got My Crew” I am starting this as a log/journal of our four week trip to Mexico, Jan–Feb 2018. My intention is to record and explore my side of the experience as part of my own Wellness Plan, an...

Discussing Suicide

By Roiben Trigger Warning : Before reading this post, take a moment to consider its contents: it discusses Suicide and Mental Illness. If reading about Suicide is likely to make you feel worse, or trigger any urges to cause yourself harm, I ask that you simply look away from this post until a time when you feel more able to handle it. Depression (and Mental Illness as a whole) is a thief and a murderer. It steals everything, little by little. Your self-worth, your enjoyment of your hobbies, your energy and motivation and then, at its worse, it can steal the will to live. The very spark of life goes out and existing becomes harder and harder to justify. Your mind screams at you to end it now! To stop the suffering. Before you know it, you are planning your very demise. The end of you. You obsess over the many methods, whether “accidents” like getting run over by a car or train. Or the more planned occurrences: The overdose, the cuts, the alcohol, the ligature. All call to you, t...

Seven Things I’d Quite Like to Do in 2018

Rather than setting myself new year resolutions, I’m choosing six things I’d quite like to do during 2018, plus one carried forward from last year. It’s something I tried last year , and it worked out nicely for me . 1. Read Two Books As I’ve described previously ( It’s Not Just for Kids: Reading Together for Fun and Friendship ) Fran and I regularly read together on Skype. We’re currently reading Outlander , by Diana Gabaldon. It’s been a while since I read anything on my own, though. I’ve chosen two books to (re)read: Talk Like TED , by Carmine Gallo, and Peter Matthiessen’s The Snow Leopard . 2. Bring My Weight Back under 180 Pounds This is the carried forward one! A year ago my weight was hovering around 190 pounds. I brought it down to 182 but it climbed again at Christmas and New Year. My long term aim is to maintain between 174 and 176 as I managed a few years back, but 180 will be a nice step on the way. 3. Have One Weekend Away From Home A potential trip to London l...

Bombogenesis: Some Things You Just Can’t Plan For!

Samoset Resort, Rockport, Maine Well, Fran and her folks made it to Samoset! Given the appalling weather (“bomb cyclone”) that has hit America’s East Coast in the past few days, Christa and Gary made decent progress from their home in New Jersey to Fran’s place in Portland, Maine. They arrived around 9 p.m. my time (4 p.m. their time), then drove on to Samoset with Fran navigating. We’d Skyped earlier in the day, while Fran was waiting for them to arrive. I was glad to find her calm and prepared. Most of our focus over the past couple of months has been preparing for this trip, and then Mexico in another couple of weeks. It hasn’t always been easy for Fran, balancing her health and other needs with the seemingly endless items on our To Do lists and travel plans, but we approached it as we always do: one step at a time. I am proud of how she’s kept going. And now it’s not just something up ahead that we are planning for. It’s real. It’s happening. The weather was one thing we ha...

Six Things I’d Have Quite Liked to Do in 2017—How Did I Get On?

Back in January I posted a list of six things I’d quite like to do in 2017 . So how did I get on? 1. Volunteer with Time to Change ACHIEVED Following on from previous volunteering experiences with mental health charity Time to Change, I had a fantastic time at Newcastle Pride in July. You can read how I got on, as well as the thoughts of others who took part, in my post What Is It Like to Volunteer with Time to Change? If you’d like to get involved with Time to Change yourself in any capacity, check out their Champions page . 2. Visit a Pub ACHIEVED This might not seem a particularly challenging objective but I rarely visit pubs, apart from when my wife Pam and I are on holiday. I specifically wanted to visit Wylam Brewery at the Palace of Arts in Newcastle upon Tyne. I achieved this goal in May , finding that the place fully lived up to my hopes. I visited two other pubs of note this year. The 15th-century Kirkstone Pass Inn on the A592 Kirkstone Pass road ...