Showing posts with label Coffee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Coffee. Show all posts

Wednesday, 18 December 2024

Starting the Day: My Three Favourite Coffee Mugs

I don’t think people understand how important your coffee mug is. It literally is the thing you hold that starts your whole day.

— Elyse Salpeter

The above quotation is excepted from a recent post on Threads with permission of the author. The full thread is worth checking out, not least for the photos of coffee mugs posted by its readers. As an inveterate coffee drinker, it made me smile, and reminded me of a passage I've seen many times online.

You may think that you are completely insignificant in this world. But someone drinks coffee every morning from their favorite cup that you gave them. Someone heard a song on the radio that reminded them of you. Someone read the book you recommended, and plunged headfirst into it. Someone remembered your joke and smiled, returning home from work in the evening.

Someone loves themself a little more, because you gave them a compliment. Never think that you have no influence whatsoever. Your trace, which you leave behind with even a few good deeds, can not be erased.

— Christina Makeyeva

It's a humbling message and one close to my heart. I thought I'd share three of my favourite coffee mugs and the stories behind them. I have many mugs at home that I've collected or been gifted over the years. I'll drink from any of them but these are my current favourites. Anything else just isn't the same.


Rainbow Dots

I'm struggling to recall whether I bought these rainbow dot mugs for me and Fran, or whether she bought them. Regardless of who bought them, they're in regular use on both sides of the Atlantic. I keep mine at work and use it every Wednesday and Thursday when I'm in the office. It's not uncommon for Fran and I to be sipping from our matching mugs when we meet for our video call at midday my time (seven in the morning for Fran). Little points of connection like that mean a great deal when you live three thousand miles apart.


Thinking About Blogging

This is my everyday coffee mug at home. It was a gift from my dear friend and fellow blogger Aimee Wilson last Christmas. She knows me well!

I MIGHT LOOK LIKE
I'M LISTENING TO YOU
but in my head
I'M THINKING ABOUT
BLOGGING

I hope I do in fact pay attention when someone is talking to me, but it's true that whatever topic I'm blogging about this week is never far from my thoughts. Many of my articles are inspired by conversations with family, friends, and colleagues. I will confess to occasionally pausing a conversation to jot down a note or two so I can refer back to it later.


Editing Day

This was my everyday coffee mug at home for several years until Aimee bought me the “thinking about blogging” one.

editing
day
DON'T BOTHER ME

This was also a Christmas gift from Aimee, 2019 if I remember correctly. As someone who blogs every week and is never far from editing something, it's perfect. I make a point of using it every now and again, so it doesn't feel left out!


Over to You

It's been fun sharing my favourite mugs and reflecting on the connection that gifting everyday items can reinforce. Every sip from one of these mugs is a reminder that I'm cared for and loved. Sitting in a coffee shop (where else?) writing this piece led to a great conversation with someone I’d never spoken to before who totally got where I was coming from. (If you see this, Nagham, hi!)

Do you have a favourite mug or cup? Is there a story behind it, or someone you think of every time you use it? Fran and I would love to hear from you, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Photos by Martin Baker.

 

Wednesday, 20 March 2024

The Joy of Missing Out: Not Doing Things Is a Thing I Do Now

I am now quite cured of seeking pleasure in society, be it country or town. A sensible man ought to find sufficient company in himself.

— Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

A few Fridays ago, I found myself contemplating the weekend ahead of me. Aside from a few chores I was free to spend it any way I chose. I turned options over in my mind. A trip to the coast? Tynemouth, maybe. Whitley Bay. Cullercoats. South Shields. A day in the city? A walk down to the Quayside. Eldon Square. The library. The natural history museum. Caffè Nero. Further afield, perhaps? Durham. Hexham. These were all places I used to visit regularly. None of them stirred interest or excitement. Not even a little.

I ask myself this question almost every week. The answer seldom varies: coffee and scribbles. It’s worth the time it takes to check in with myself, though. To make sure that writing for four or five hours at the coffee shop is how I want to spend my day, and not simply a routine I’ve fallen into. There are a few exceptions. Every month or so I meet up with my friend and fellow blogger Aimee. Twice a year in April and October I take time off work and rent a car for days out. In the summer, a week in the Lake District. A handful of other day trips or events. If you’re looking for me on a Saturday, though, it’s a safe bet I’ll be at Costa Coffee. It’s where almost all my blog posts are written, this one included.

It wasn’t always this way. Until 2020, I went out every weekend. More often or not, I’d catch the train into Newcastle city centre, but any of the places I mentioned earlier would have been on the cards. I enjoyed meeting up with friends, but I was more than happy being out on my own. The pandemic reset things for me. I got used to not going places, and found meaning in activities that didn’t require traveling far, if at all. I made an effort to pick up the threads once restrictions lifted, but with very few exceptions the allure had evaporated. I wouldn’t necessarily say covid taught me what was truly important to me, but I discovered that many things I’d cherished previously were no longer on the list.

It’s fair to say I saw it coming. I blogged right through the pandemic, exploring what was happening and what might lie on the other side. Two posts are especially relevant to what I’m discussing here. Prescient, even. I shared my early thoughts and feelings in A Postcard from My Lockdown Vacation. It was April 2020, a matter of weeks into the first UK lockdown. I was accutely aware of my privileged situation. My job was secure and I could work from home. I had no significant health or money worries. That said, it was a time of extreme uncertainty for me, as it was for everyone. All plans and expectations for the year ahead had been upended, with no idea how long the disruption would last or how things would be afterwards. I was nevertheless able to write that “five weeks and one staycation in, I can honestly say I’m doing okay.”

A year later, the impact of the pandemic was becoming clear. In What If I Never Do All the Things I Used to Do? I described some of the changes covid had wrought in my life. These were trivial on a global scale, but significant personally. Several of the places I used to go and the things I used to do were beyond recall. A favourite restaurant closed, never to reopen. A much loved holiday cottage taken off the market. Other activities and venues had survived but things weren’t the same. How could they be? I was sad, but holding on to the past wasn’t a healthy option. As I wrote, “I don’t have a list of things I want to do again. Like it used to be or like we used to do are false hopes, illusions, to my current way of thinking at least. Instead, I will hold myself open to whatever is possible, available, present, and real.” Three years on, those words remain valid.

I’ve written previously about living vicariously through the experiences of others. A few weeks ago I accompanied Fran on a video call as she walked from her apartment down to the water front of Portland. Photos, messages, and calls keep our 3,000 mile friendship strong. As we’ve long asserted, no one is too far away to be cared for, or to care. The same is true of other friends, whether they live abroad or here in the UK. I take great pleasure in the photos friends share of places I used to visit. I simply have no interest in revisiting them myself. I’m less interested in exploring the physical world and more interested in exploring the inner realm of my thoughts and feelings.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, though it might raise concern in others. Losing interest in things that previously brought joy, meaning, and value is a classic — and valid — indicator for depression. I’m not dismissing the possibility. On the contrary, I’ve written extensively about feeling low at times, of lacking a sense of purpose and direction. That’s not what I’m exploring here, however. I use the word explore deliberately. I use it a lot in my blog posts, regardless of the topic under discussion. It’s what I’m doing, internally, when I’m not out there doing stuff. Doing stuff can be fun, exciting, and healthy. It can also be a distraction from what’s really going on. Slowing down, withdrawing from doing and going, offers me the opportunity to examine what’s important to me and what isn’t.

I’m reminded of something a friend shared with me once, about living life as if it’s an expedition. So, what’s my expedition? What am I exploring? In addition to my mental health, I write on a range of topics that are relevant to me personally. These include toxic masculinity, the creative tension between wanting to communicate and wanting to hide, alexithymia (finding it hard to express one’s feelings in words), and the absurdist philosophy of Albert Camus.

How and where do I engage in this kind of inner exploration? For most of my life, I’ve taken myself off for a good long walk if I had something on my mind. During my teenage years in Liverpool I’d regularly go for local walks, as well as day-long hikes around the country with my favourite aunt. At university in Bradford I’d do the same. The nearby park and abandoned railway line were regular haunts, but I’d occasionally head out of the city if I needed more time and space. Prior to 2020, I valued the twenty minutes it took to walk to and from my office from the train station. It gave me the chance to unwind, to think through whatever was going on for me, or set things aside and not think at all. Throughout the pandemic I took two or three local walks a day. I’ve let that lapse, but I might start again, especially now it’s spring and the weather is improving. My point is that walking helped me explore things internally. That was its primary purpose and value to me. Typing away for hours in a coffee shop might not be as good for my physical health, but it affords the equivalent scope for inner exploration. One that feels more in tune with my life currently.

The term I used in the title of this piece — the joy of missing out — warrants explanation. Often abbreviated to JOMO, it stands as a counterpoint to FOMO, the fear of missing out. How do I feel about this situation in which I find myself? Does spending almost all my free time not doing things and going places still bring me joy? In a word, yes. I feel at ease, content, able to focus my attention where and how I wish. It brings satisfaction, value, and peace. Lucy Maude Montgomery, author of Anne of Green Gables, captured this perfectly.

I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string.

— L. M. Montgomery

I’m not missing out by living my life in this way at this time. On the contrary, I choose to “do things and go places” when they’re important or valuable to me, rather than out of habit or as a distraction. It’s about choosing, not isolating. I’m not taking this inner journey alone. My blog posts may be the public account of my adventures, but they are are inspired by — and contribute to — the life I share with friends and family. I’m blessed to have people who invite me into their lives and enjoy an active role in mine. I rarely feel alone, and almost never lonely. In the words of American poet and essayist Kathleen Norris, “Anything, everything, little or big becomes an adventure when the right person shares it.”

 

I’d like to thank photographer Ishan Gupta. It took longer than usual to find the perfect image for this article, but the moment I discovered Ishan’s gallery at Unsplash I knew my search was over.

 

Wednesday, 10 May 2023

One More Cup of Coffee: A Few Thoughts on Knowledge Transfer and Lifelong Learning

Learning to drink a coffee and learning to code is the same thing. — Waren Gonzaga

This post was inspired by a conversation with a friend who works at my local coffee shop. It was a busy Saturday morning and she was on her own after a colleague had phoned in sick. In between customers we got talking about team working, staff turnover, and the challenges of bringing new team members up to speed. Despite never having worked in hospitality, I could relate to what she was saying. It got me thinking about my experience of training and being trained, the things I learn relatively easily, and those I struggle to master. Working in a busy coffee shop would definitely fall into the latter category!

KT in the Workplace

My friend was amused that I couldn’t immediately recall my job title, but Intermediate Information Technology Service Manager reveals little about what I actually do. I explained that I’m part of a team responsible for ensuring the computer systems we support are up when they should be up and doing what they should be doing.

Until roughly a year ago I led a small team. It had been pretty stable for a long time in terms of staff and responsibilities. We knew each other well. We knew our respective strengths and weaknesses. We understood the applications we supported, and what we needed to do to keep them working as they should. After several of these applications were retired, my team was merged into another so that members of that team could move on pursue other opportunities.

All this means I’ve experienced the “new people needing to learn stuff” dynamic from both sides. I’ve had to learn the technologies, techniques, and processes involved in supporting applications that were totally new to me. I then found myself sharing that newly acquired knowledge and experience with two new colleagues who joined us from outside the organisation. Terms vary, but in my workplace this is known as knowledge transfer, or KT. Some of it involves formal courses or online learning, but much is on-the-job training conducted face-to-face, either in person or via video calls.

Things I Learn Well

This approach works well for me. I’m better at picking up new skills when they’re demonstrated to me, rather than being presented with masses of reading material, or sent on courses that relate poorly to the work in hand. Having things demonstrated by people currently in the role allows me to ask questions, take notes, and then begin taking on the tasks myself.

Having specific goals motivates me to learn. Many years ago I taught myself HTML, CSS, Javascript, and other web technologies so I could design and build websites for myself and others. I learned Photoshop to a high standard in order to process my digital photographs. I used these skills to design a website and promotional leaflets for an animal rescue centre I supported.

For the past year and a half I’ve been teaching myself Teeline shorthand. I’ve always been fascinated by different modes of writing, including the Tengwar letter forms created by fantasy author JRR Tolkien. I use Teeline to capture personal notes and blogging ideas, although I’m not yet sufficiently proficient to use it for taking meeting minutes at work.

At work, I enjoy the creative challenge of application design and development. I had little such opportunity in recent years, because the applications I supported were nearing the end of their life. Moving to a new team has reawakened my interest in problem solving and coding. I’m currently teaching myself unix shell scripting. I’m using a mixture of resources. These include adapting scripts written by past members of the team, discussing ideas with colleagues who know more about scripting than I ever will, YouTube channels, online tutorials — and a lot of Google searches to troubleshoot and refine my code.

I’m also exploring generative AI applications such as chatGPT. I’m interested in chatGPT’s potential as a learning/teaching resource, as well as its writing capabilities. I recently published a blog post generated by chatGPT in response to a prompt regarding identity and mental health. The risks and benefits of AI are beyond the scope of this article, but I was intrigued by this quotation by Yejin Choi, Professor of Computer Science at the University of Washington, in her TED Talk Why AI Is Incredibly Smart — and Shockingly Stupid.

These language models do acquire a vast amount of knowledge, but they do so as a byproduct as opposed to [it being a] direct learning objective. Now in contrast, human learning is never about predicting which word comes next, but it’s really about making sense of the world and learning how the world works.

Making sense of the world and how it works may be beyond the current scope of AI (and many humans for that matter) but I believe it has immense potential in developing solutions to practical problems. This is already true in relation to programming. It might appear a lazy approach (witness a recent social media meme: “I’m a programmer” “Which programming languages do you use?” “ChatGPT.”) but AI does much more than spit out cut-and-paste code fragments. Formulating the prompts helps me clarify my understanding of the task in hand. ChatGPT fully comments and explains its solutions which helps me learn. Furthermore, I can ask it to refine its solutions or suggest alternatives. In a very real sense (and I use the term deliberately) it’s like having a human tutor sitting beside me.

Things I Don’t Find Easy to Learn

The skills I’ve talked about so far have been mostly technology and process-related. I’m much less proficient at what are called soft or people skills; anything to do with leading, organising, or managing groups or teams. I recently wrote a blog post about anxiety for Mental Health Awareness Week 2023. In doing so, I realised that one the reasons I get anxious is that I’m poor at organising things that involve other people. I relate well one-to-one or in (very) small groups, but I struggle with larger groups or teams. This is reflected in the kind of support network I have.

I discharged my team leader role well enough, but I had a small team of three or four people, all of whom were skilled at what they did and worked together well. I handled the team’s workload but had little need to manage them personally or to moderate between them. I led a group of fellow Mental Health First Aiders for a time. I loved the conversations and discussions, but became increasingly anxious as the monthly meetings came and went. I stepped back from the role, although I remain a Mental Health First Aider. At the time I felt I was failing my fellow MHFAs and myself, but in hindsight it was the right decision.

I’ve undertaken training over the years to improve my interpersonal skills, including courses in Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and an online workshop led by Brene Brown. At work, I took the Living Leader training and was mentored for a time by my organisation’s CEO. NVC improved my one-to-one skills but otherwise these attempts have largely been unsuccessful. The main reason was that I had little idea what I wanted to be or achieve. I explored this in Connection, Creativity and Challenge: In Search of My First Best Destiny.

I have exasperated my workplace mentor (sorry, Loveday!), various bosses (apologies especially to you, Judith!), and colleagues, but I still have no sense of direction. A recent change of employer may open new opportunities, but only if I can figure out what I want.

Two years on, I still have little idea what I want to do or be. That said, moving to a new team — and relinquishing any managerial responsibilities — has given me the opportunity to focus on my technical skills. Accepting I’m not a natural leader (and have no desire to become one) has been liberating.

Mental Health Learning

I may not be cut out to lead a team of Mental Health First Aiders, but I value the MHFA training I’ve undertaken, including refresher training earlier this year. I’ve taken a number of other courses and workshops related to mental health, suicide awareness and prevention. If you’re interested, check our listing of Online Suicide Awareness Courses and Podcasts. My original MHFA and ASIST training was classroom based but in general I prefer online, self-paced courses, irrespective of the subject matter.

The best mental health awareness training of all, though, is talking with people with lived experience. It’s not their responsibility to educate me, but I’m hugely grateful to Fran and other friends who over the years have shared how their lives are impacted by mental and physical health conditions. To the extent I’ve learned anything, it’s down to their patience and trust. The benefits aren’t limited to mental health awareness, as I describe in our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder.

I am a better person for knowing Fran. I have a greater understanding of my strengths, values, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities than ever before. I have learned more about mental and invisible illness, suicidal thinking, stigma, determination, courage, and responsibility since we became friends than in the fifty years before we met. [...] I have greatly expanded my circle of friends, met people who feel safe sharing their stories in response to mine, and learned how it feels to offer my skills and experience in the service of others. I have grown — and continue to grow — as a friend and as a man.

Those words are as true now as they were written. I grow and learn from each and every friendship and connection. These days I’m much better at navigating difficulties with people when they arise, as they inevitably do. I’m also far less insecure and clingy when friendships change, or even end.

Sharing the Wisdom

Fran and I have always been keen to share what we’ve learned about managing a mutually rewarding and supportive friendship where one person lives with mental illness. That was the motivation for writing our book and the reason we continue to share on our blog and social media. My friend Emma McDade expressed this beautifully in relation to her recent guest post on disassociation. “I’m still learning how to live as myself,” she told me. “I want to be able to help others learn about it all, too.”

In the workplace, knowledge transfer isn’t always straightforward. It requires a willingness to learn, and patience on the part of both trainer and trainee. It also needs time to be set aside, which can be a challenge when you’re short-staffed and need to keep the show on the road. That’s something I recognise in my working environment. Secondary tasks such as documentation and knowledge transfer often take second place to supporting the live service.

When circumstances permit, however, I enjoy the opportunity to share my skills and knowledge. As well as the satisfaction of helping a colleague learn something new, I almost always come away with a deeper understanding of whatever we were discussing. Fran and I learned a great deal in the process of writing our book. The same applies to our blog posts and other work in the mental health arena.

This is sometimes that’s often overlooked. Helping others learn takes time and effort, and it can seem a chore with little to commend it. It’s not uncommon to find people reluctant to share what they know, hoarding skills and knowledge to consolidate their perceived expert status. Learning is not a zero sum game, however. Approached in the right way, both teacher and student benefit.

Whether it’s unix scripting, mental health, Teeline shorthand, or something else entirely, I hope the urge to keep learning new things never leaves me. Who knows, maybe my friend will teach me how to make a proper cup of coffee!

Over to You

In this article I’ve described some things I find relatively easy to learn, and others I struggle to master. What do you find easy to learn? How do you learn best? Do you enjoy learning new skills, or find it hard work? Do you feel confident sharing your skills and knowledge with others? Do you find it a pleasure or a bind? Fran and I would love to hear from you, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Image by Gabriella Clare Marino at Unsplash.

 

Wednesday, 28 October 2020

Coffee and Scribbles: My Ten Favourite Writing Cafes

Two of my greatest passions are coffee and writing. I thought it would be fun to share a selection of cafés and coffee shops with particular links to my work. Over the years, my writing has moved through several phases. For ten years (1996 through 2005) I ran Middle-earth Reunion (“The alternative Tolkien Society”). I designed and maintained the group’s website, and published our quarterly journal and newsletter. I wrote articles and short stories which explored the consequences of asserting Tolkien’s role as translator of authentic Middle-earth texts. You can find many of these writings on the Middle-earth Reunion website.

My next major focus was High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder co-written with Fran Houston between 2012 and 2016. My blogging career began with the launch of Gum on My Shoe in 2013. I’ve written for many other blogs and organisations, including bp Magazine (Bipolar Hope), Mental Health First Aid England, I’m NOT Disordered, Bipolar Happens, and The Good Men Project.

I’ve listed my top ten writing venues in chronological order based on when I started writing there. All but one are in my home city of Newcastle upon Tyne. I’ve included website links and full addresses in case you’d like to visit. (Thanks to my friend and fellow blogger Aimee Wilson for that suggestion!) If you’re interested in what I take on my coffee shop adventures, check out my Every Day Essentials for the Successful Blogger.


1. Blackfriars Restaurant and Banquet Hall

Friars Street, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 4XN
www.blackfriarsrestaurant.co.uk

I started going to Blackfriars during a period of unemployment. At the time I was running Middle-earth Reunion and worked extensively there on my personal project The Tresco Manuscript and the Lore of Life, Leaf and Stone.

The ‘Tresco manuscript’ is named for Tresco in the Isles of Scilly, where it was reputedly discovered in the 19th century. It comprises the only documented link between Tolkien’s tales of Middle-earth and our own, modern world.

Blackfriars provided a haven of calm at a time when my personal life and future were far from certain.


2. Boskoops

1 Eldon Square, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 7JG

Situated on the second floor of the magnificent east terrace surrounding Old Eldon Square, and with commanding views of the square below, known locally as Hippy Green, Boskoops was a favourite of mine for a year or two.

My novella Playing at Darkness was inspired by the goths and other clans who gathered each Saturday in Hippy Green. There is more than a little of the author in the story’s socially awkward hero Malcolm.

Long before he knew her name he had watched Stitch with her people in the town square beneath the window of his favourite café; had gone back each week to watch them gather while he lingered over his breakfast and endless top-up coffees.

The title — Playing at Darkness — was inspired by a conversation overheard in another café, at Newcastle’s old central library.

For all the black leather and heavy makeup, for all that several professed allegiance to the Enemy in their attire [...] the Gothrim were children. Children playing at darkness. At least he had thought so at the time and it had almost turned him away from them. That wasn’t what he was looking for.

I’ve reworked Playing at Darkness several times, and retain a hope of publishing it one day.


3. Elula

13 Ridley Pl, Newcastle upon Tyne NE1 8JQ
Facebook page

The downstairs café at Elula’s was a hidden gem. It was the setting for my short story gamma in the wrong place.

3pm, Saturday afternoon

Sat in the downstairs café in the Otherworldly crystal and incence shop. Less a café than a space for coffee. Small. Cosy. Spiral staircase from the shop above. Friendly. Pan pipe music.

Four six form students at a table across the room. Two adult women to my right. Mother and daughter? Maybe not. Students happy together but a bit loud. Women commenting on them (“product of the education system”). Two more women enter. [...]

Why did I come here? To sit. To scribble (having just bought this exercise book for that very purpose ...) To capture some thoughts. Looking for the muse. Is this the kind of place a muse would frequent? Maybe. Ellen might come here. (Ellen might work here).

Wandering today in the sunshine, I thought of the Green Fair. It is the kind of day to meet them.

Mention of Ellen and the Green Fair connects gamma to another tale from this period. Home Eleven describes my first contact with Ellen and Kai of the Ylfe (modern day Elves) at Newcastle’s Green Festival.

More or less directly across the clearing a kitchen stall boasted a fiercely vegetarian cuisine. Strung between branches overhead a broad shimmering silk banner proclaimed the legend “Home Eleven.” I wondered if it was the name of the kitchen or of the site itself. A strange name, in either case. The stall seemed to be manned by a tall good-looking guy in blond dreadlocks and a girl with long red-gold hair, a great figure and a loose purple dress.


4. The Grand (formerly Campus Coffee)

141 Percy Street, Grand Hotel Buildings, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 7RU

Situated opposite Newcastle City Hall, Campus Coffee was my regular Saturday morning haunt for years until dwindling custom forced it to close at weekends. I wrote my diary there each Saturday, also letters and cards to friends. One of the staff was passionate about archery, which inspired my short story Kindling.

A sudden spark of light caught his attention. He walked across and knelt in the dirt to examine it more closely. By chance, the morning sun had struck upon what seemed to be a shard of silver buried deep in the heart of the wood and exposed only because of the ancient, time-wrought fracturing. What the thing was and how it had got there he could only guess. Heart racing now, he fetched the chain-hoist and canvas sling.


5. Rendezvous café, Whitley Bay

Dukes Walk, Northern Promenade, Whitley Bay NE26 1TP
Facebook page

This iconic Art Deco café was built in 1930 and was originally called Garden Restaurant. Its name was changed to the Rendezvous Café in 1957. It has been described as a “perfect example of a traditional seaside ice cream parlour.”

I used to stop there on “me days” at the coast. I’d catch the Metro to West Monkseaton Metro station, walk to the sea front at Whitley Bay, then head north along the beach and promenade as far as St Mary’s lighthouse. The café was roughly midway and provided a welcome stopping point for coffee, a sandwich, and maybe a slice of cake or tray bake. One of my clearest memories is of sitting at the window one day in September 2005 writing a letter to my friend PJ who I’d known since university. She was very ill with multiple sclerosis and I had written every day for two years. I addressed and sealed the envelope but for some reason, I didn’t post it. A mutual friend phoned me the following evening to tell me PJ had died overnight.


6. Pret a Manger, Northumberland Street

142-145 Northumberland St, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 7AG
www.pret.co.uk

Pret was my regular Saturday morning place for a while, although I’m struggling to recall exactly when or what I would have been writing at the time, aside from letters and my journal. It got busy sometimes and I never had a table I considered “mine” but the food was excellent, the coffee was good (and cheap), and the staff friendly.


7. Starbucks, Northumberland Street

137 Northumberland Street, Newcastle, ENG NE1 7AG
www.starbucks.com

For several months in 2009 I got into the habit of catching an early train into Newcastle each weekday morning. I’d spend an hour or so in Starbucks with my diary and notebook exploring what was going for me at the time, then catch my train into work.

One Saturday in May 2008 is captured in one of my notebooks. Five years had passed since my friend PJ’s death, and the network of friends I’d relied on since university days had dissolved. Beyond my immediate family I felt adrift and almost completely alone. I was also struggling to find any sort of creative focus.

Right now, I have perhaps the fewest number of people ever. Is this a delayed reaction to losing PJ? There is no one and nothing for me to identify with. When did I have a creative focus?

Tolkien / Middle-earth Reunion (website, people, writing, artwork).
Poetry — “Aye! I am a poet” (School, University, London).

When did I last make a difference?

What do I need? A creative friend. Someone to teach me. A muse. Someone I can help.

“... only she was tired and sad and human.”

Those notes (the quote is from William Gibson’s novel Neuromancer) are eerily prophetic of Fran, who I met exactly three years later in May 2011, and the close, mutually supportive, and creative relationship we enjoy to this day.

The line “Aye! I am a poet” is from And Thus In Nineveh by Ezra Pound. The poem affected me a great deal when I encountered it in high school. The title of my short story And Men Myrtles — which includes a café scene — is taken from the same poem.

He lowered the book and his fork and poured himself a cup of tea from the brown earthenware pot. As he did so he found himself staring at a small almost perfectly heart-shaped mark at the edge of the spout.

It was nothing: Maisie had chipped the thing putting it into or out of the dishwasher — or maybe it was a fault in the glaze. The mark could have no significance whatsoever. Nevertheless its shape — or William’s interpretation of it — felt as though it might be important. He had been noticing little things like this a lot recently. Ever since ... Ever since when?

He knew the answer well enough. Ever since that Sunday last September in Wolvercote cemetery. One year and a week ago. Something had happened that morning and though he had never met their like before or since he owed it all — his reawakening as he had come to think of it — to the motley group of visitors at Professor Tolkien’s grave.


8. Church Gallery, Kirkby Stephen

3-7 Market Street, Kirkby Stephen, Kirkby Stephen, CA17 4QW
www.churchgallery.co.uk

This is the only café on the list outside my local area, but it’s been a regular of mine for years when holidaying in Cumbria. Strictly speaking, it’s less a café than a self-serve area upstairs in the wonderful Church Gallery shop, but it is one of the cosiest places I know.

Over the years I’ve written many postcards and letters there. I worked on the book proposal for “High Tide, Low Tide,” scoured my diaries for content for the chapters covering Fran’s time in Europe in 2013, and agonised over who to include in our acknowledgements page.


9. Caffè Nero, Saint Mary’s Place

4–5 Saint Mary’s Place, Newcastle upon Tyne NE1 7AA
www.caffenero.com

My premier writing venue in recent years, Caffè Nero is located in a former post office building, as I describe in a blog post from 2017.

It’s hard to visualise, but this used to be the City Post Office. I’ve stood in line many times — where these tables are now — for postage stamps, or to send packages off all over the world. It looks so different now! And yet, there is a sense of continuity. I may have to go elsewhere these days for my postal services (as I did this morning, to buy stamps and to mail out a copy of our book) but it is here, a large black coffee to hand (“Would you like the extra shot?” “Yes please!”), that I write my letters, cards, and postcards.

It soon became my favourite place to meet up with friends, and played its own role in the development of High Tide, Low Tide.

Caffè Nero is my social hub these days. The staff have changed over the years but have always been warm, personable, and supportive of my mental health work and our book. If I am meeting someone in town, here is my first choice of venue, and I have made several new friends from amongst the other regulars here.

I had many fascinating conversations with staff and other customers as I worked away at our book week after week. When High Tide, Low Tide was published they graciously allowed me to display my contact cards and leaflets. That degree of support and encouragement meant a lot.

One Saturday I got talking with local poet, writer, and publisher Fred Lewis. Fred told me about Newcastle Literary Salon which met each month at Bar Loco. I performed my first ever book readings there and met a number of exceptional poets and writers. I wrote about my first visit to the Salon for the #BeReal series at HastyWords.

There was poetry, a great short story with a twist, the opening to a new novel which completely blew me away. Some pieces were more to my taste than others but what struck me more than anything else was how everyone was introduced, welcomed, and received with equal warmth and respect: as writers and performers, but most of all as people.

And it struck me this is another aspect of being real: the awareness and acceptance of our common humanity, no matter how different our individual situations and life experiences might be. Two pieces in particular summed this up for me: Angela J. Kennedy’s powerful poem “Women’s Work,” and Jenni Pascoe’s “One Day I Will Die.” I spoke with Jenni at the end of the event. We discovered a mutual love of hats and she told me she’d noticed her poems seemed to resonate with me. She was right. We connected.

You can watch me perform my book readings on our YouTube channel.


10. Costa Coffee, Kingston Park

Belvedere Retail Park, Unit 5, Belvedere Parkway, Newcastle upon Tyne NE3 2PA
Facebook page

I’ve saved the best until last! I started going to Costa Coffee a couple of years ago. It is a ten minute walk from my home, and it soon became my favourite place to sit and write. Before covid struck here in March 2020 I was visiting Costa seven days a week: on my way into work, for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning as prelude to whatever else I had planned for the day, and on Sunday afternoons before doing my supermarket grocery shop.

The staff are wonderful and several have become good friends. I was genuinely devastated when Costa had to close at the start of lockdown, and was one of the very first customers to return when it reopened.

My daily journal, letters and cards to friends, social media posts and blog articles — all have been written at these tables. Appropriately enough, the idea for “Coffee and Scribbles” came to me at Costa, and I’m sitting here now at my favourite table by the window as I draw the article to a close.

 

Wednesday, 1 January 2020

Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2019 - How Did I Get On?

At the start of the year I posted a list of Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2019. I shared an update in August, but how did I get on overall? Let’s take a look!


1. Take Three Well-being Courses

ACHIEVED

I feel I've done pretty well with this one. I began two courses which I've yet to complete: Overcoming Self-Sabotage at DailyOM and OpenLearn's Understanding Autism. I updated my Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) training and took Pluralsight's excellent Introduction to Emotional Intelligence, also Future Learn's Understanding Suicide and Suicide Prevention Strategies in a Global Context.

Best of all I completed the three day Personal Leadership Programme offered by The Living Leader. This was excellent and gave me plenty to think about. The single best aspect of the course was the Vision Statement we were each invited to write: a snapshot of the ideal life we might have if we believed anything were possible. That is something I will be keeping very much in mind as I move into 2020.


2. Bring My Weight Back under 176 Pounds

NOT ACHIEVED

As you can see from the graph my weight remained stubbornly above 180 pounds for most of the year, peaking around 184. I got back on top of things in the final month or two but I’m ending the year higher than I began, a little over 181 pounds. It’s not merely a numbers game for me. I’m fascinated by how my weight is influenced by, and influences, my mood and what else is going on in my life. It will be interesting to see how it varies as I move into a new year with whatever challenges and opportunities that brings.


3. Happy Happy Joy Joy

ACHIEVED — AND THEN SOME!

At the start of this year I wrote:

“I had some really fun times last year which took me out of myself in ways I’ve not been used to. I’m not going to prejudge how many there might be or what they might look like but I’d quite like some more joyful moments, please!”

I’ve more than achieved this one. So much so I hardly know where to start!

I’ve had some fabulous times this year with my “blogging bestie” Aimee Wilson including visits to Newcastle’s Life Science Centre, an Easter fundraiser at the Cats Protection Adoption Centre, day trips to Durham and Morpeth, and an afternoon in Blyth. We were official bloggers at the Hidden Histories: Mining in the North East event in June which was something new for me, and attended North Tyneside’s event for World Mental Health Day. Another highlight I shared with Aimee (okay I invited myself along!) was meeting Jonny Benjamin MBE at a mental health event in Newcastle. That evening was extra special because I got to reconnect with my friend Vikki who I’d not seen in ages.

As far as fun times and joyful moments go it would be hard to beat singing and dancing with Vikki at Stack Newcastle, or the Skype call I had with Fran in May when we met a hedgehog and a (very attentive) cat and found a special place down by the river. I’ve had some wonderful calls with other friends too throughout the year — I’m thinking of you in particular, Jen! The run-up to Christmas brought more opportunities, starting off with Christmas shopping with Aimee in Morpeth (see photo), then the Jingle Bell Walk fundraiser for childhood cancer charity The Chris Lucas Trust. Joining Fran and her friend Diana on Skype while they decorated Fran’s apartment was also wonderful!

All in all it’s been a year filled with warm, fun, and joyful times, and I’m grateful to those who shared them with me. Here’s to many more in 2020!


4. Meet Two Online Friends Face to Face

PARTIALLY ACHIEVED

As I reported in my mid-year update I met up twice this year with my friend Soph who I’d previously only known online.

I’d hoped to hook-up in person with a few more folk but for one reason or another it didn’t happen. Here’s to next year!


5. Have One Caffeine Free Week

NOT ACHIEVED

I never did attempt a week — or even a day — without caffeine! It’s perhaps for the best: according to the keyring Aimee gifted me recently, COFFEE CURES ALL OF YOUR ISSUES!


6. Visit Barter Books, Alnwick

NOT ACHIEVED

Despite my best intentions I didn't make it to Barter Books in Alnwick, nor Keel Row Books in North Shields which was also suggested to me. Another one to carry forward as I’ve only heard good things about both bookshops.

I have been a bit remiss on my reading this year generally. I am half-way through Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, and recently bought Jerold J. Kreisman’s I Hate You — Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality at the suggestion of a friend. I intend to complete both in the new year.


I think that makes two and a half of my “things” accomplished out of six! Not great in percentage terms but looking back it was a brilliant year and the things I did achieve more than made up for those I didn’t.

Did you set yourself any resolutions, objectives, or “things to do” for 2019? If so, how did you get on?

 

Wednesday, 14 August 2019

Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2019: A Midyear Update

This is a midyear update on a post I wrote back in January: Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2019. Let’s see how I’ve been getting on!


1. Take Three Well-being Courses

ONGOING

At the start of the year I enrolled on the Overcoming Self-Sabotage course at DailyOM. I completed the first three lessons (of fourteen) but ground to a halt and haven't managed to get moving again.

I have updated my Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) training, though, and am currently taking OpenLearn's Understanding autism course.

I've also completed Pluralsight's excellent Introduction to Emotional Intelligence. The course recommended the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, which I bought and am working my way through. I'm finding it exciting and challenging — always a great combination!

Speaking of exciting and challenging, I've been offered the opportunity to undertake the three day Personal Leadership Programme by Living Leader later in the year. It will be scary but I've heard only great things about it from friends who have taken it already (mentioning no names, Judith, Lois, and Loveday!) and I figure I'm up for it!


2. Bring My Weight Back under 176 Pounds

NOT YET!

My aim for this year is to bring my weight down and maintain around 173 – 176 lbs. So far it has remained stubbornly between 179 and 182 pounds which is more or less where it was at the start of the year.

There’s nothing wrong with this but I would like to get it down if I can. I know what I need to do: stop having cheese sandwiches at supper time!


3. Happy Happy Joy Joy

GOING REALLY WELL!

At the start of the year I said “I’d quite like some more joyful moments, please!” Seven and half months in, I’m doing pretty well!

I’ve shared some lovely times with Aimee Wilson on our Bloggers’ Days Out, including Newcastle’s Life Science Centre, an Easter fundraiser at the Cats Protection Adoption Centre, and an afternoon in Blyth.

July’s holiday in Ambleside was lovely, in particular evenings spent lakeside in Borrans Park or the beer garden of the Wateredge Inn. My little trek to Stock Ghyll Force waterfall was fun too. Sharing such moments with friends on chat or video calls made for some special memories.

A recent highlight was talking with Jonny Benjamin MBE at the Stranger on the Bridge and Other Stories of Friendship and Support event in Newcastle. Not because he’s “all famous” but because he’s such a lovely guy.

I’ve also realised I can have fun on my own! Last week I stopped at STACK for a drink before going on to a mental health book event. It was a beautiful evening. I was surrounded by folk enjoying the live music and atmosphere. Just for a moment I felt something close to bliss. (I suppose it could have been the Red Stripe!)


4. Meet Two Online Friends Face to Face

ONGOING

I was delighted to meet my friend Soph in January for coffee and a look round Newcastle’s Hancock Museum, and again in March at the Hidden Histories: Mining in the North East event. Strictly speaking we met once years ago at a Time to Change event, but we connected properly and built our friendship online.

I don’t have any other hook-ups planned as yet but there are a couple of possibles, so watch this space!


5. Have One Caffeine Free Week

NOT YET!

I’ve yet to attempt a week without my daily two (occasionally three) cups of coffee, but I still intend to! Family, friends, and colleagues have been warned: apparently I get grumpy if I don’t have my morning dose!


6. Visit Barter Books, Alnwick

NOT YET!

I haven't visited Barter Books in Alnwick yet, nor Keel Row Books in North Shields which was also suggested to me. No reason, apart from having been busy doing other things!


Did you set yourself any resolutions, objectives, or “things to do” for this year? If so, how are getting on with them?

 

Tuesday, 1 January 2019

Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2019

At the start of 2017 and the start of 2018 I listed a number of things I would “quite like to do” during the respective years. I’ve had a lot of fun - and some challenges - with this and I want to continue in the same vein. Here then is my list for 2019. I’ll let you know how I get on!

You can see how I did in previous years here: 2017 | 2018.


1. Take Three Well-being Courses

I took two excellent courses at Newcastle Recovery College Collective (ReCoCo) towards the end of 2018. The first was on self-harm awareness. The second was a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) Awareness workshop. I have worked on – and used – my WRAP plan since taking the workshop, which is a testament to how useful the classes were.

In the coming year I’d like to take three additional well-being / personal development courses, not necessarily at ReCoCo. The health of any friendship is the responsibility of both parties but I have a history of being either “way too much” or “not enough” in my relationships. It’s time I took responsibility for that. With this in mind I recently completed an online course on unhealthy relationships at DailyOM, which I found very useful. I have enrolled for another, Overcoming Self-Sabotage, which will count as my first of the three I would like to do in 2019.


2. Bring My Weight Back under 176 Pounds

At the time of writing, my weight has been stable between 178 and 180 lbs for a couple of months.

This achieved the interim target I set myself for 2018, but I would like to bring my weight down another few pounds and maintain around 173 – 176 lbs.


3. Happy Happy Joy Joy

The first two items on this list are arguably a little on the “worthy” side. This is fine, of course, but not everything needs to have a purpose beyond itself.

I had some really fun times last year which took me out of myself in ways I’ve not been used to. I’m not going to prejudge how many there might be or what they might look like but I’d quite like some more joyful moments, please!


4. Meet Two Online Friends Face to Face

I don’t have anyone – or anywhere – specifically in mind, but it would be fantastic to meet up with folk I have thus far only known online. Watch this space!


5. Have One Caffeine Free Week

During 2018 I reduced my coffee intake from four or five cups a day to two (very occasionally three). I am not planning to stop altogether, but a week’s detox will give me the opportunity to see how addicted or otherwise I actually am to my daily caffeine.

I intend to warn family, friends, and colleagues in advance: there is a rumour I get very grumpy if I don’t have my morning coffee!


6. Visit Barter Books, Alnwick

Barter Books is a second-hand bookshop in the market town of Alnwick, Northumberland, which is thirty-five miles north of where I live in Newcastle. It is one of the largest second-hand bookstores in Europe, and is is located within the town’s Victorian railway station. I have wanted to visit for many years but somehow have never done so.

At the suggestion of a mate of mine I am adding a visit to Keel Row Books in North Shields to my list. Thanks, Karl!