Disassociation Episode Inbound

By Emma Jane McDade

Disassociation episode inbound. I thought I was just tired recently.

It’s scary when you start to feel distant from your own thoughts and senses.

Trying to desperately shake out of that seemingly empty day dream you disappear into.

I have to constantly stroke something or tap something, to try and keep in reality. No matter how hard I try, the sensation changes to it feeling like I am touching a different surface, no longer my own self. A different self.

To feel your vision is not your own anymore, like you have taken a step back and are watching through someone else’s eyes.

You can see what this body can see but can no longer feel or smell what it can. You no longer have the emotions or humanity it encased.

Until the vision just stops, the lights turn off.

The most terrifying part, “waking up” minutes or hours later, not knowing how you got to where you are. Where even are you? What time is it?

 

Image by Irene Giunta at Unsplash.