Are My Blog Posts Relevant to You? An Open Letter to My Readers

Dear friends.

This letter is written to the readers of this blog, especially those of you with lived experience other than my own. Chronic mental or physical health conditions. Disability. Trauma. Abuse. Rape. Self-harm. Suicidality. Debilitating fatigue, pain, or insomnia. These are things I’ve never known and cannot pretend to speak to or understand. Such awareness as I have is second-hand, shared by those willing to open their lives and selves to me. Friends. Family. Colleagues. Strangers. I will always be grateful for the trust implied by such deep sharing.

We write best about what we know personally. With respect to this blog, that’s my experience as a supportive friend to Fran and others. Fran and I wrote our book High Tide Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder on exactly that premise. It’s a perspective that’s valuable and arguably under-represented. Last year I was invited to write about being there for a friend who has survived rape and abuse. It turned out to be one of the strongest pieces I’ve written in recent years. Another article I’m proud of was inspired by a friend asking if I was okay hearing the details of her past experiences.

This blog was founded in 2013 as a space for me and Fran to share our thoughts and experience about mental health and supportive friendships. Over the years I’ve widened the scope to include content based more on my life, interests, and experiences. That’s valid when I’m discussing men’s mental health, gender identity, health checks for potentially serious conditions such as prostate cancer, or the challenges of end of life planning. But I do wonder if I’m indulging my own interests too much, diluting our core message in the process.

I’m thinking of pieces that explore my doubts and struggles, many of which seem mundane or even trivial compared to the challenges many of my friends — many of you — live with. This was brought home to me recently. I was chatting with Aimee Wilson, one of my closest friends and a fellow blogger. Her award-winning blog I’m NOT Disordered draws extensively on Aimee’s lived experience. I mentioned my idea for a blog post about the day I’d just spent at the coast and how my hopes of eating chips by the sea had been thwarted by circumstance. That same day Aimee had shared a social media post to mark eighteen years since she reported her experience of abuse and rape. “This content,” she wrote, “provides thoughts and advice for loved ones of survivors, survivors themselves, and professionals, as well as a QR code [for information about training programmes], all the reasons I’ve made it, and contact info for help and support.” She closed with the hope that people might find it useful.

I could not have been more proud of my friend, but my plan to write about my day at the coast felt suddenly trivial and silly. Sharing my experience of low-grade anxiety and depression is one thing. I struggle far less with my mental health than others but anxiety and low mood are part of my reality. Likewise my experience of alexithymia. I’ve also written extensively about the process and challenges of blogging. All this seems valid for me to explore and of potential relevance to other people who may find themselves in similar situations. But my disappointment because I didn’t get any chips on a day out? Aimee reassured me the idea was imaginative and creative but I was less than convinced. I completed the post nonetheless, so you can make up your own mind about it. (It’s not all about chips. There are some model yachts too.)

Perhaps I’m worrying unnecessarily. Not every piece needs to be cutting-edge, serious, deep, or societally significant. Maybe it’s okay to let the world know such things occupy my thoughts at times and engage my imagination. In recent months, we’ve shared posts about making a difference in the world; a short story of mine from 2001; a post about being aware of our friends’ needs; two open letters to Fran, one written for World Bipolar Day; a short poem about ducks; the post I mentioned earlier about checking if people are okay talking about difficult topics; a look at what makes us feel powerful; and the impact of daylight saving time on long-distance friendships.

Looking through this list of topics, I’m somewhat reassured, but what do you think? Are articles such as these of interest and relevance to you? What would you like to see more — or less — of? Are there any specific topics you’d like me to write about or focus on? I’m aware that we’ve not had any guest posts in a while, so that’s definitely something for Fran and I to consider. As always, we’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

Thank you.

Marty

 

Photo by S L at Unsplash.

 

Write When You're in it, Publish When You're Out. A Guide to Blogging About Mental and Physical Illness

As someone who blogs about mental health and supportive friendships, I’m often inspired by what my friends are going through, or my experiences as someone who cares about them. Many of my blog posts begin “This piece was inspired by a recent conversation with ...” In most cases, this occurred within a week or so of my sitting down to begin writing. I don’t necessarily publish straight away, however. I might wait because I already have posts lined up, for example, or hold a piece back for an upcoming awareness day or event. Sometimes, though, I wait because the circumstances I’ve described are still ongoing. This is what I want to write about today. It’s an approach I call Write When You’re in it, Publish When You’re Out. I’ll focus on blogging, but the same considerations apply to sharing in other ways, including posting on social media.

Write When You’re in it

I’m a firm believer in capturing how you’re feeling while you’re feeling it, or as shortly afterwards as is practical. I’ve kept a journal for almost fifty years, so the idea of documenting things as they happen comes naturally to me. My diaries are personal, though. I’m talking here about capturing feelings, thoughts, and events with the intention of using them in your writing. You can edit, rephrase, and reframe at leisure, but you can’t go back to that place once you’ve moved on.

• Write about insomnia when you’re unable to sleep.
• Write about fatigue when you’re fatigued.
• Write about pain while you are in the middle of it.
• Write about mania, depression, anxiety, and psychosis while you’re experiencing those states.
• Write about overwhelm while you’re feeling overwhelmed.
• Write about your thoughts and feelings about what your friend or loved one is going through, while you’re experiencing them.

How you capture things is up to you. Use any and all approaches you’re comfortable with. Here are a few which work for me.

Write things down, on paper or electronically. I use Google Keep, with the shortcut on the homescreen of my phone so I can access it easily.

Photos are a quick way to capture what’s hapening.

Record details of your conversations with friends, family, and professionals. If it was a chat conversation, screenshot or copy and paste snippets into your notes. If it was in person, jot down your impressions as soon afterwards as possible.

Date your notes as you go. This makes it easier to organise them and relate them to what was happening around you at the time.

Save links to websites, articles, and social media posts that resonate with how you’re feeling. Don’t rely on your memory. Weeks or even days afterwards, it will be difficult if not impossible to locate that article you read or that meme you saw which expressed just what you were going through.

Don’t worry about the quality of your writing at this stage. You can refine it later.

Short paragraphs or bullet points will be easier to work with later, but use whatever approach works for you. One exception to the “short is good” maxim is if your writing style varies depending on how you’re feeling. As we discuss in our book, Fran’s writing during episodes of mania is very different to how she expresses herself when depressed or stable.

As for actually writing the piece, some situations might allow you the impetus, focus, and energy to get your notes and ideas in order. Mania or other high energy states might facilitate the creative process. Others, including episodes of depression, anxiety, extreme fatigue, or overwhelm might make it difficult to compose your article. In that case, set your notes aside and return to them later.

Publish When You’re Out

Whenever you write your blog post, I recommend leaving the final editing and proofreading until you’re on the other side of what’s been happening. A little space and time can give you a fresh perspective. This applies both to your article itself and your options for publication. You might decide not to publish at all, or that the time’s not right to do so. I’ve done this myself on a few occasions, and for various reasons. I described some of these in When Blogging Is Hard and What to Do About It.

If your writing style is influenced by your emotional state or symptoms, you might want to revise what you’ve written once your situation is more stable. More generally, the piece might benefit from a broader perspective. Take time to do some research, discuss the topic with friends, or invite other people to contribute their ideas and experiences.

Consider the reaction your blog post might attract. Sharing can be powerful and liberating, but it can be scary too. It’s not only negative reactions you need to consider. A highly successful or popular post might generate a flood of comments, messages, or other approaches from your readers. Positive feedback is very welcome, but you might find the clamour overwhelming if you’re still navigating things yourself.

Maybe it’s not your situation you’ve written about, but that of a friend or loved one. Assuming they gave permission at the time, it’s respectful to confirm that’s still the case once they’re on the other side. This has happened to me. After double-checking with the person concerned, it became clear we had a difference in perspective concerning what had happened. I decided not to publish rather than rewrite my account to meet their requirements.

Waiting might not always be realistic, especially if the condition you’re writing about is long-term, or likely to reoccur at any time. I still recommend allowing a little time to elapse before making the post public. This allows you the opportunity to review what you’ve written, how you’ve presented it, and whether it still feels appropriate to publish.

Over to You

In this post I’ve discussed my approach to blogging about mental and physical health. I’ve described techniques for capturing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences while you’re in the middle of whatever you’ve chosen to write about, as well as reasons for waiting until you’re out of that situation before publishing.

To what extent do you agree or disagree? Have you shared your physical or mental health online and regretted doing so? Do you wish you’d waited until you were feeling better before going public? Is there a case for sharing in real time, rather than waiting until later? Fran and I would love to hear from you, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Photo by Timothy L Brock at Unsplash.

 

The Blogger's Toolkit: Ten Websites I Keep Close to Hand

I’ve written previously about my blogging workflow. In this post I’m sharing ten websites I use pretty much all the time. They’re bookmarked on all my devices, so wherever I’m working I can reach them in no more than a couple of clicks. A few offer paid options but you can use all of them for free.

1. Capitalise Titles and Headings

I’m a stickler for consistency. Capitalize My Title makes it easy to apply a consistent style to blog post titles, headings, and sub-headings. Simply paste or type your title or heading and it will automatically capitalise and convert it. You can select Title Case (according to different style guides such as AP, APA, Chicago, MLA, BB, AMA), sentence case, UPPERCASE, lowercase, and more.

2. Italics or Quotes?

Can’t remember whether to use italics, quotation marks, or neither for the titles of books, movies, songs, poems, newspapers, and other media? Capitalize My Title has a quick reference table covering the key style guides.

3. Optimise Your Blog Post Titles

An effective title can make all the difference when it comes to engaging your readers. Coschedule offers a range of tools and suggestions to improve the title for your latest blog post.

4. Punctuation

If you can’t remember where to use a semicolon, or if you suspect you’re overusing commas (I’m guilty of this one!) keep The Punctuation Guide close to hand. It’s a great quick reference guide for basic punctuation. It also offers notes on style guides, the differences between British and American styles, and top tips for good punctuation.

5. Chicago Manual of Style

The Chicago Manual of Style (CMOS) is one of several well-respected style guides. The full guide is behind a paywall (at the time of writing, an individual subscription is $44 for one year) but I considered it good value when Fran and I were working on our first book. There’s a 30-day free trial if you want to try it out or just need access for a specific project. There’s a lot of very useful information available for free, including an extensive Q&A section.

6. Unsplash

I’ve written before about how to choose the perfect image for your blog posts. Unsplash is the first place I visit for images and inspiration. All their images are free to download and use for both commercial and non-commercial purposes. Check the Unsplash licence page for full details.

7. Awareness Days Calendar

Blogging in the mental health space as I do, it’s important to keep an eye on upcoming awareness days and events. The calendar I refer to most often is the listing of mental health awareness days at Mental Health UK. For a broader perspective, Awareness Days is searchable by country (UK, US, International) and category.

8. Quotations

Looking for that perfect quotation to illustrate your blog post? Brainy Quote is a free searchable database of quotations organised by theme and author.

9. HTML and CSS Guide

I restrict myself to a small number of HTML and CSS tags and attributes in my blog posts. If I want to try something different or can’t recall the syntax to achieve the results I’m after, I turn to W3 Schools. This free resource has tons of reference material and tutorials covering HTML, CSS, Javascript, SQL, Python, and more.

10. Dead Link Checker

There are few things more annoying than encountering a dead link on your website. Dead Link Checker offers free checks of the first 2,000 links on any website.

 

Image by Ian Dooley at Unsplash.