Saturday, 21 May 2016

I Was Going to Write Today

I was going to write today but I didn’t have my special pen with me.

I was going to write today but my favourite table at the café was taken.

I was going to write today but I was interrupted by my friend messaging me.

I was going to write today but I was busy searching online for the perfect journal to write in because these things are important to a writer.

I was going to write today but I wasn’t sure anyone would be interested in what I had to say.

I was going to write today but I was scared I would upset someone.

I was going to write today but I was scared I wouldn’t upset anyone.

I was going to write today but the moment wasn’t right.

I was going to write today but my idea seemed too trivial to bother with.

I was going to write today but my idea seemed too huge to get my head and words around.

I was going to write today but—whatever.

I was going to write today but I had to go get groceries.

I was going to write today but I couldn’t find my brave.

I was going to write today but there’s always tomorrow, right?

I was going to write today but I didn’t bring my laptop with me.

I was going to write today but they’ll hate it.

I was going to write today but they’ll hate me.

I was going to write today but I’m scared to discover who I am.

I was going to write today but I’m scared to discover there’s nothing there.

I was going to write today but it’s getting late.

And in the meantime the world goes on. And other people write. And they are not necessarily “inspired.” And they probably don’t have the right pen or the perfect notebook. Maybe they found the back of an envelope to scribble on when their laptop crashed so they didn’t lose what was bursting to get out. And maybe the cat just spewed up or the baby did. Or they feel sick today or depressed or despair of ever making a difference or even getting through another day fuck even another hour but you know what they dare anyway they dare to care and write and scream sigh vomit breathe craft something from the guts of them because sometimes that’s all you have and all you can offer to the world and sometimes it is enough you are enough YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I was going to write today. Maybe I did.

 

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