Wednesday 27 January 2021

Team Marty (Because No One Can Be Everything for Everyone)

Find your tribe. Love them hard.

When you’re in a close mutually supportive friendship like Fran and I are, it’s tempting to feel your friend should be there for you all the time. It’s unhealthy, though, to pile expectations onto the other person like that. It can stoke resentment on their part and disappointment on yours when, inevitably, they are unable to meet those expectations. Fran and I were talking about this the other day. She told me she’s happy I have other people in my life because meeting all my needs would be too much for her. It started me thinking about those other friendships and how grateful I am for them.

I won’t embarrass anyone by naming them but these are my people. My tribe. Team Marty. I couldn’t be who I am, do what I do, without them. There’s no significance in the order I’ve written about them or how many words I’ve used. I’ve separated some roles out, so there are more sections than there are people. No role, and no friend, is more important to me than the rest.

The friend I turn to first when I’m struggling or unsure because she gets it. Who says “I know what you mean,” and usually does. Who shares her experience and values mine. The friend who is honest about her fears and doubts, mix-ups and mistakes, and hears mine without judging me.

The friend who understands my passion for writing, because it’s hers too. Who bounces ideas around with me and shares the ups and downs of the creative process. Who celebrates my successes. Who inspires me to think bigger and bolder, and not limit my ambition.

The friend I feel at home with no matter where we are or how we’re connecting.

The friend who keeps me honest and calls me out on my shit when I need someone to do that. Who respects my abandonment issues without indulging them.

The friend who lets me in close.

The friend who reminds me there’s a rhythm to connection. That sometimes I’m not the person she needs and that’s OK, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong.

The friend who shares the delight of simple things; coffee shops and bars, music and laughter and honest conversation.

The friend who trusts me to be there.

The friend I check in with first thing. Who kept me company on my commute (when commuting was a thing) and still does through the workday. Who shares her love of art and music, and hopes and fears and plans and dreams. Who gently asks if there’s anything I need.

The friend who makes me laugh despite the state of the world. Who asks how I am and won’t let me get away with “I’m OK” without asking again just to be sure. Who is there for me even though most of my problems pale in comparison to hers. Who trusts me with her darkness and knows the questions to ask.

Do you have a tribe, a team, people you go to and who come to you? Take a moment to appreciate them, their role in your life, and your role in theirs.


Photo by Daan Stevens on Unsplash

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