Dear friend.
I thought to write to you after the chat we had the other day. Remember? The one where you asked me, “Am I lazy?”
I’ll start by saying you’re not alone in asking that question. Many people tell me they feel lazy because they’re not doing as much as they think they should. Mostly that’s because they’re living with depression, or anxiety, or fatigue, or pain, or chronic lack of sleep, or brain fog, or some other condition that makes it tough to navigate the everyday things of life. The things that would otherwise be within their compass. I think maybe you’d agree. I think maybe you’d recognise yourself in that description.
I’ve no comparable experience, so it’s arguable how much I truly understand. I see it, nevertheless. I see what it takes for you to marshal the energy to do things that others — that I — might call easy or obvious. When you can’t, when there’s no spoons left, when making that meal or taking that shower or sending that e-mail or doing that chore is literally beyond you, that’s not being lazy.
Acknowledging that doesn’t make life easier for you, I know. It doesn’t take away your right to feel disappointed in yourself, or angry, or sad, or anything else you might feel about being in this situation. You get to label it any way you wish, including lazy if that makes sense to you. Believe me, though, when I tell you I don’t know a single person I’d call lazy. Including you.
I searched for some positive quotations about laziness to share with you. It wasn’t easy! So many of them were negative, injunctions to combat laziness in all its forms. To stop procrastinating. Get going. Do something! Anne Frank declared that “Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” It’s hard to argue with Anne Frank! I get it. I do. To achieve success of almost any kind requires some degree of effort and action. But success for its own sake isn’t everything, and there are many different kinds of achievement. Pause and rest are also important. Benjamin Franklin said “There will be sleeping enough in the grave.” That’s as maybe, Ben, but I don’t want to wait until I’m dead to get some rest!
Much of the negativity around laziness comes from comparing ourselves with other people. People don’t like seeing others who seem to be doing less than they are. This is ironic, because those most likely to be labelled lazy — people who are unable to find work, or ill, or homeless, or on benefits, or living close to the breadline — are working their asses off just to get through the next day, the next week. What others label laziness is mostly a daily struggle against the odds, with limited resources and the kind of stoic determination many of the advantaged — myself included — would be hard pressed to muster.
Of course, there are some positive connotations. “A lazy summer afternoon” conjures cosy images. Relaxing on the beach, perhaps, or on a lounger in the garden. Reading a book or dozing, sipping tea or something a little stronger. Restfulness. Ease. This is echoed in the phrase dog days. It means a period of stagnation or inactivity, but also “the period between early July and early September when the hot sultry weather of summer usually occurs in the northern hemisphere.”
A meme I saw the other day captures this perfectly. “I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.” This kind of laziness respects our need to recouperate. To recharge our batteries. I have a friend who uses the word in that way, and it’s refreshing. My situation is very different to theirs, but it reminds me that I need rest sometimes too. I’m not very good at being lazy!
I’ll share something which made me smile. Another word for laziness is sloth, which is one of the seven deadly sins in Catholic Christianity. I’m atheist but in that context it means something like an habitual disinclination to exertion. That’s a deadly sin? Wow, right? I found a delightful counter to this by Bollywood actress Kajol Devgan: “I’d love sloth. I wish sloth would come home and visit me once in a while. I don’t consider laziness a sin at all.” What’s funny is that sloths are amongst the cutest, least offensive, most adorable creatures on the planet! I smile paraphrasing Devgan as saying “I’d love a sloth. I wish a sloth would come home and visit me once in a while!” Now that’s something I could get on board with.
I don’t know if this helps at all with your feelings of laziness, and your frustration at not always being able to achieve all you’d like or hope to. Perhaps it’s given you a fresh perspective or two. I’d love to hear your thoughts, next time we meet. Until then, I wish you peace and ease, dog days — and maybe a sloth or two!
Your friend,
Marty
Photo by Sébastien L. at Unsplash.
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