I finally was able to relax into the warmth that is Greece. I spent seven hours on sun-beds. Three at one bay and four at another. This is not normal for me. I’m not a beach person.
— Fran Houston
Sometimes, being a supportive friend means sitting with them through their darkest moments. And sometimes, it means sitting with them on a beach helping them relax. This blog post was inspired by a recent conversation with Fran on the Greek island of Poros. She was visiting a dear friend of ours, Laurel Seaborn, who is a captain and instructor on a women’s sailing programme based in Athens. You can read about Laurel’s amazing journey in this article for American Sailing.
Over the fourteen years we’ve been friends I’ve been Fran’s virtual travel buddy on a number of trips within the US and abroad. In 2018 she spent a month in Ajijic in Mexico. It was the longest she’d been away from home since the three months she spent touring Europe with her parents in 2013. The challenges of the 2013 trip are described in our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder. You can read about our adventures in Mexico here on our blog (part one | part two | part three | part four | part five) and in No One Is Too Far Away: Notes from a Transatlantic Friendship. Fran took her copy of No One Is Too Far Away to Greece, both as something to read while she was away and to remind herself how she spent her time during those weeks in Ajijic.
I hadn’t intended writing about her trip to Greece, but that day on the beach when Fran finally managed to relax struck me as worth exploring. That might sound odd. What’s difficult about relaxing on a beach in the Mediterranean? Weren’t there any more serious issues or problems to blog about? What about the preparation for the trip? The journey itself? There were challenges of that kind and I’ve written about those aspects of traveling before. But relaxation isn’t a given when you live with chronic mental and physical illness.
When you travel you bring yourself with you. Your body with its health issues. Your mind with its hangups and tendencies to overthink and catastrophise. The people in your life with their needs and demands, no matter that you’d stress even more if you were completely out of touch and didn’t know what was happening with them. Poros is picture postcard beautiful — some of the sunsets Fran shared with me took my breath away — but the most idyllic setting is no guarantee you can let go of your concerns and truly relax. Achieving that release, even for an afternoon, is noteworthy.
Fran had several days to herself while Laurel led a sailing class. For the first couple of days Fran seemed on edge. She was determined to visit some of the places on her “Things to Do While I’m in Greece” list but never quite managed to relax into the experience of being away. I must add that I’m in awe of Fran for exploring Poros and the nearby islands as extensively as she did. If I’d been there on my own I’d have spent my days in the first coffee bar I found — which is how I spend most of my free time when I’m at home! Fran explored on foot and took taxis and boats as though she’d lived there her entire life, although I know how scary she finds navigating unfamiliar places on her own.
On the second Thursday of her trip she messaged me quite early in the morning (8 am my time, 10 am in Greece). She was still at the apartment. I was in the office, an hour into my working day. The chat conversations that follow took place throughout that day. They’re reproduced here with only minor edits for clarity.
Fran: Slow morning.
Martin: I’m on my second coffee.
F: I haven’t had any yet.
M: Any gentle plans for today?
F: I’m having a hard time getting going. I’m going to Russian Bay. It’s cooler today. 72F with wind. Not sure what to pack.
M: Take your jacket, to keep the breeze out.
Fran had bought the jacket for this trip. It was light enough to pack easily into a bag or pocket, but substantial enough to keep out the wind.
F: My French braid came out shitty. Sigh. But I’m not doing it over. I think I’ve packed too much but I really don’t know what to bring so I packed my larger backpack. I’m dragging my feet today.
M: You’re still moving. And you have pretty feet!
It was clear Fran wasn’t feeling great, but she was determined to get out and explore.
F: Waiting for the taxi. I feel like I did on Tuesday. It’s cloudy and windy and cooler. I’m in a bad mood.
M: Right now, maybe, yeah. Don’t hang on to it too tightly. It will pass. Feel it. Claim it. Love it. Let it go.
On Tuesday she’d found it hard to focus on herself while also caring for the needs of others back in the US. I knew better than tell her to ignore or reject how she was feeling. Instead, I referenced one of our most commonly used mantras. As we describe in High Tide, Low Tide “It can be challenging to handle powerful emotions, especially when they seem to come out of nowhere. Rather than allowing our emotions free rein, or trying to deny them, we find it helps to accept what we feel, take whatever meaning we can from the experience, and then release our attachment to it so we can move on.” Fran didn’t acknowledge my suggestion but the next time I heard from her she was at the Russian Bay Beach Bar. From the photo she sent me, it looked deserted. Even a little severe.
F: It’s empty, and windy. I can walk to Love Bay. It’s kinda cold.
M: Looks like you have the place to yourself.
F: I need coffee.
M: Welcome to my world! Hope the coffee is good.
F: The coffee is good. Chairs are hard and uncomfortable.
I believed her about the weather and the chairs, but she was still seeing things through jaded eyes. She seemed keen to move on.
F: It’s a 13 minute walk to Love Bay. Taxi driver said 5 mins. I wish I had brought my Tylenol. Have a bit of a headache.
I decided to shift the conversation a little. I wasn’t feeling too great myself.
M: My tummy is easier than yesterday but still uncomfortable. I have the day off work tomorrow but I’ll not go into town. I’ll stay close to home.
Fran sent me a short audio clip of the waves breaking on the shore.
M: Wind and waves! Thank you!
F: No swimming for me! I will stay here a bit longer but will then go to Love Bay.
She sounded unsure whether to stay or go. It was something I recognise in myself. I tend to be restless when I’m on vacation. I’ll stop somewhere for a drink or something to eat, then look to move on to the next place on my list for the day.
F: Just had a wind gust with sand. May be time to go? I just started relaxing. Sigh. I’m such a poo-poo-er. It’s actually not too bad here.
M: Stay a little longer then?
F: Yeah. I’m in no rush. The only things I need to get home for are eating with [my friend] and my sunset dip.
M: If you are able to relax here, make the most of it.
It was the first indication Fran might be prepared to slow things down. A little while after, she sent me a photo of the view along the beach.
F: I’m so glad you’re here with me!
M: Forever and always.
F: I’ll stay here until 2 pm. When did I get here?
M: About two hours ago.
The next time I heard from Fran she was at Love Bay. She sent a photo of the bay and one of the drinks menu.
F: I will have a cappuccino, banana milkshake, ham cheese tomato sandwich, and some sort of drink. A Love Bay drink: rum, malibu, frangelico, banana, vanilla ice cream. 10 Euros.
M: Looks great.
F: I like Love Bay better than Russian Bay. It is less desolate. And at Love Bay they wait on you!
M: Haha well you’ve seen both now!
F: The chairs are much better quality too and there are pillows.
Another photo, looking up at the tree that shaded her beach chair.
F: When I look up, this is what I see. I like that I am under a tree.
M: This is our place now!
F: I think she brought me a margarita instead of what I ordered. Sigh.
M: If you tell the waitress you might get the margarita for free!
A photo of Fran’s drink on the table, with the water in the distance.
F: I don’t think I’ll cause a fuss about the drink.
M: It’s a beautiful location. I could write blogs there very happily.
F: I don’t suppose you’ll write a blog about our trip?
M: I hadn’t planned to. I’ll publish yours if you write one!
Fran sent me a short video of a boat on the water. People swimming. The waves lapped on the shore no great distance in front of her chair.
F: I think I’ll leave around 5 pm.
M: You’ve felt more able to relax here?
F: Well, both places have their perks but I like this one better. I’ve been on a sun-bed since 11.30 am! That’s a record. I’m not a beach bum.
M: Me neither!
Fran was finally letting go of her frustrations and low mood.
F: It’s kinda funny. I don’t want to leave. I’m waiting for my friend to get back to me about tonight. Not sure if I will have my sunset dip. It depends on when she wants to get together.
M: It’s nice that you have that feeling. Earlier this week you said you kept feeling you needed to be always moving on to the next place or thing.
F: Yes! I’m not in a rush to leave here. Maybe I’ll wait until she responds because then I’ll have a better idea of what my night will be like. If she doesn’t call I’ll leave between 5.40 and 6.10.
M: What’s the journey back like from here?
F: Taxi. 10 Euros for about ten minute ride.
Her friend messaged to say she couldn’t meet up that evening. I thought Fran might be disappointed but she wasn’t. It meant she had the rest of the day to herself. She sent me a link to the website of the Colona restaurant.
M: That looks amazing.
F: I will do my sunset dip. Then eat at Colona. Then hang out on the veranda. Then bed. Tomorrow I’ll put out the trash. Coffee from Colona. Hang out on the deck. Do some Athens research. Noon swim. Shower. Braid my hair. Welcome Laurel home!
M: You’ve made this day your own, Fran. I’m proud of you.
The next day, Fran moved gently through her various activities. It was late by the time Laurel returned, exhausted from her days on the water with her class. The following morning, I had a video call with them both on the veranda of Laurel’s apartment with its incredible view across the roofs of the town to the blue waters of the Mediterranean Sea. It was great to see Laurel again, to hear about her sailing trip, and to talk about the things Fran had done while she was away. I mentioned the blog I was writing about Fran relaxing on the beach. Laurel offered the wisdom that “You don’t have to do. You just have to be.” That is so valuable and true, but as I’ve shared here, not always as easy to achieve as it is to say.
I’m grateful to Laurel for the opportunity to visit her (virtual traveling is still traveling!) and look forward to Fran and I both returning in the future.
Over to You
Do you find it easy to switch off when you are on vacation, or do you discover you’ve brought your cares and stresses away with you? What tips do you have to help yourself relax, at home or away? Where do you feel most at ease? Fran and I would love to hear from you, either in the comments below or via our contact page.
If you fancy the idea of sailing in the Aegean, check out the Women’s Sailing Program for details.
Photo by Fran Houston, Poros, Greece.
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