Dear friends.
This letter is written to the readers of this blog, especially those of you with lived experience other than my own. Chronic mental or physical health conditions. Disability. Trauma. Abuse. Rape. Self-harm. Suicidality. Debilitating fatigue, pain, or insomnia. These are things I’ve never known and cannot pretend to speak to or understand. Such awareness as I have is second-hand, shared by those willing to open their lives and selves to me. Friends. Family. Colleagues. Strangers. I will always be grateful for the trust implied by such deep sharing.
We write best about what we know personally. With respect to this blog, that’s my experience as a supportive friend to Fran and others. Fran and I wrote our book High Tide Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder on exactly that premise. It’s a perspective that’s valuable and arguably under-represented. Last year I was invited to write about being there for a friend who has survived rape and abuse. It turned out to be one of the strongest pieces I’ve written in recent years. Another article I’m proud of was inspired by a friend asking if I was okay hearing the details of her past experiences.
This blog was founded in 2013 as a space for me and Fran to share our thoughts and experience about mental health and supportive friendships. Over the years I’ve widened the scope to include content based more on my life, interests, and experiences. That’s valid when I’m discussing men’s mental health, gender identity, health checks for potentially serious conditions such as prostate cancer, or the challenges of end of life planning. But I do wonder if I’m indulging my own interests too much, diluting our core message in the process.
I’m thinking of pieces that explore my doubts and struggles, many of which seem mundane or even trivial compared to the challenges many of my friends — many of you — live with. This was brought home to me recently. I was chatting with Aimee Wilson, one of my closest friends and a fellow blogger. Her award-winning blog I’m NOT Disordered draws extensively on Aimee’s lived experience. I mentioned my idea for a blog post about the day I’d just spent at the coast and how my hopes of eating chips by the sea had been thwarted by circumstance. That same day Aimee had shared a social media post to mark eighteen years since she reported her experience of abuse and rape. “This content,” she wrote, “provides thoughts and advice for loved ones of survivors, survivors themselves, and professionals, as well as a QR code [for information about training programmes], all the reasons I’ve made it, and contact info for help and support.” She closed with the hope that people might find it useful.
I could not have been more proud of my friend, but my plan to write about my day at the coast felt suddenly trivial and silly. Sharing my experience of low-grade anxiety and depression is one thing. I struggle far less with my mental health than others but anxiety and low mood are part of my reality. Likewise my experience of alexithymia. I’ve also written extensively about the process and challenges of blogging. All this seems valid for me to explore and of potential relevance to other people who may find themselves in similar situations. But my disappointment because I didn’t get any chips on a day out? Aimee reassured me the idea was imaginative and creative but I was less than convinced. I completed the post nonetheless, so you can make up your own mind about it. (It’s not all about chips. There are some model yachts too.)
Perhaps I’m worrying unnecessarily. Not every piece needs to be cutting-edge, serious, deep, or societally significant. Maybe it’s okay to let the world know such things occupy my thoughts at times and engage my imagination. In recent months, we’ve shared posts about making a difference in the world; a short story of mine from 2001; a post about being aware of our friends’ needs; two open letters to Fran, one written for World Bipolar Day; a short poem about ducks; the post I mentioned earlier about checking if people are okay talking about difficult topics; a look at what makes us feel powerful; and the impact of daylight saving time on long-distance friendships.
Looking through this list of topics, I’m somewhat reassured, but what do you think? Are articles such as these of interest and relevance to you? What would you like to see more — or less — of? Are there any specific topics you’d like me to write about or focus on? I’m aware that we’ve not had any guest posts in a while, so that’s definitely something for Fran and I to consider. As always, we’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions, either in the comments below or via our contact page.
Thank you.
Marty
Photo by S L at Unsplash.
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