MHAW Q&A With Aimee Wilson of I'm NOT Disordered

I’m grateful to my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson for suggesting this collaboration for Mental Health Awareness Week 2025. We’ve each answered the same ten questions about different aspects of our blogging experience. Aimee’s answers are below. You can find mine on her blog I’m NOT Disordered.

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AIMEE’S ANSWERS

1. How do you handle time management and prioritisation when it comes to content creation?

Time management and prioritising is actually an area that I’m still – yes, even after well over twelve years! – learning how to manage, regulate, and cope with. I do find the need for balance sometimes when I find myself juggling creating multiple pieces of content at the same time and I realise that I need to balance working on the bits I’m enjoying the most as well as keeping an eye on the content which has more of an imminent deadline e.g. where it’s for an Awareness date or an anniversary etc.

2. What impact does blogging have on your mental health, emotional wellbeing, thoughts, and feelings?

Blogging has been truly lifesaving for me due to the number of beneficial impacts it has had on my mental health, my emotional wellbeing, my thoughts, and my feelings! For some time now, I’ve found writing to be a really therapeutic release of a lot of my pent-up thoughts and feelings and blogging has proven to not only encompass that quality, but also the ability to provide me with a safe means of processing difficult experiences.

3. How do you feel about receiving feedback, comments, and input from your readers? How do you handle negative feedback or responses?

When I first started to blog, I did so with the sole focus of the benefits it would have on myself and my loved ones; I paid very little mind/attention to the thought of complete strangers reading my content. So, when I began receiving feedback and comments from those people, I struggled to put it into my consideration in terms of content creation and balancing the thoughts of my posts affecting strangers with the benefits it could have for me own mental health recovery. Fortunately, in all my years of blogging, I’ve only received two negative comments, and I think a huge reason for this, has been that I massively stay clear of controversial topics and angles for content – I do this by typically weighing up the importance of expressing my opinion with the chance of it receiving negative comeback.

4. How much attention do you pay to your blog statistics? What do they mean to you?

A heck of a lot! I once got asked why I care so much about ‘the numbers’ and it was meant as a dig at the time by a very cocky girl whose own blog was more founded, but a lot less popular. I think that she – and any others with this question – forget that each ‘number’ is actually a person! A person who could benefit from my content. A person I have the opportunity to help. And I massively recognise that in this industry, the size of your following/audience, has one of the largest impacts on the opportunities e.g. collaborations and event invitations etc you can be offered as a Blogger or online influencer.

5. Where do you find inspiration, ideas, and motivation?

Literally everywhere! Typically, though, from everyday occurrences and life events. I think these are the most inspirational areas because they are often common ground for a lot of other people too e.g. so many others have had a birthday, or an argument with a professional! Having a quality that readers will appreciate, empathise with, or understand on a deeper level, can really contribute to the popularity and success of a piece of content.

6. What are your favourite moments and achievements in your blogging?

100% giving my speech at the National EMTA Conference for the Royal College of Emergency Medicine in earlier this year (February 2025)! It was the most recovery-defining moment and I’m certain I wouldn’t have been afforded it if I hadn’t made the original connection to the doctor who invited me, through blogging at an event she was hosting years ago.

7. What do you feel about blogging collaborations, guest posts, and events?

Absolutely love them! I honestly feel really honoured to be able to supply a platform for others to use as a bit of a soapbox too! To be able to provide someone with the opportunity to tell their story or to promote their organisation or campaign to literally millions of people across the world, is a very huge privilege. One which not many people can say that they are able to do.

8. How supported do you feel as a blogger? What kind of support do you find most helpful, and why?

In life on a whole, my greatest support has always – and likely will always be – my Mum! She’s the greatest person in my life, but if I were to focus solely on blogging, Martin is 100% my greatest support there. He’s literally the only person in my life who ‘gets it.’ The only person who can actually identify with me and with both the challenges and the wonderful moments I face on a daily basis in my blogging career.

9. If you could give one piece of advice to a budding blogger, what would it be?

Stay creative.

10. How has your blogging changed over the years, and how do you see it changing in the future?

The blogging industry is massively saturated now, when I created I’m NOT Disordered there were no well-known blogs written by a current psychiatric hospital inpatient (as I was then) so I almost immediately – and without a lot of thought or planning – found a niche. These days, it’s so much more difficult to find a footing in the industry and to find a quality that really differentiates you and your content from literally everyone else doing it! I only see that as becoming more and more challenging, but I believe that will attract more interesting, creative, and imaginative people to the industry – which could only be a good thing, really!

 

Are You Okay Talking About This? Trust and Boundaries in Caring Friendships

This blog post was inspired by a recent conversation with my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson. On her blog I’m NOT Disordered Aimee draws on her extensive personal experience. We were discussing some of those experiences when she stopped and told me she had something important to say before she continued. She said sharing what she’s been through in the past — and in some cases still goes through — is incredibly valuable and helpful to her. But she wanted to check that I was okay hearing the details. I told her I was fine, and reassured her I’d let her know if that ever changed. Afterwards, it struck me what an important exchange that had been. It said a great deal about our friendship.

Difficult Topics

That kind of trust isn’t unique to me and Aimee. It’s relevant to a wide range of relationships and situations. It’s particularly valuable where conversations touch on “difficult” topics such as mental illness, trauma, rape, addiction, abuse, self-harm, overdose, loss, death, bereavement, or suicidality.

I put “difficult” in quotes deliberately. These subjects are too often considered taboo. We avoid talking about them at all if we can. Where that’s not possible, we discuss them as briefly as possible, keen to move on to safer topics. Holiday plans. The weather. The mundane happinesses and problems we all experience at one time or another. Life isn’t always mundane, however. Being able to share and discuss the difficult, messy, awkward, and painful aspects of our lives can be profoundly validating. It can also deepen and reinforce our connections with those we love and care about.

It’s worth pointing out that everyone is different. What might not be problematic for one person to hear or talk about may be triggering for someone else.

Am I Really Okay?

I was being honest when I told Aimee I didn’t have any issues with what she was sharing with me. That’s also true of me and Fran, and other friends. If they feel safe sharing with me, I want to hear. That’s the case no matter what they want to tell me, or whether those experiences are historic or current.

It’s worth exploring how I can be okay hearing about what are sometimes very serious, traumatic, even life-threatening experiences and situations. The following is excerpted from High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder.

In the early days of our friendship Fran was manic, wild, and unpredictable. Many people — including some who had known her a long time — were fearful and worried about her behaviour. I was unsure whether my ability to remain calm in her presence was healthy, or a sign that I was ill-equipped to support her effectively. The following is from my diary.

I never know how Fran is doing, not really. She can seem so fragile, so close to the edge, so hurt and hurting . . . and then the next moment we are laughing, or mad at each other. I’m learning not to be scared, not to worry, but instead to care. So many people are scared for her. They can’t deal with her, can’t cope at all. Perhaps I should be like that. Am I a danger to Fran because I am so calm? Perhaps I am being naive. Or perhaps it makes me precisely who she needs.

That final sentence was the turning point in my understanding. Positive, supportive and vigilant care is far healthier for Fran than any amount of fear-based worrying.

This message is captured in our mantra don’t worry about me, care about me. It’s a principle that has informed and guided my caring relationship with Fran and other friends over the years. As valuable as the reminder is, it doesn’t explain how I can be okay with friends sharing the “messy” details of their lives with me. There are two key aspects to this: my lack of equivalent experience and my sense of curiosity.

Lived Experience

I have little or no first-hand experience of mental illness, trauma, or the other “difficult” topics I mentioned earlier. This can be an obstacle to communication. Some people feel safer and more comfortable discussing things with people with similar lived experience. They don’t have to spend time setting the scene, explaining or justifying themselves, because the other person gets it.

There are other reasons someone might turn elsewhere when they’re in need of someone to talk to. I’ve discussed some of these in It’s Time to Talk. But What If You Don’t Want To? I used to feel sad if I wasn’t my friends’ go-to person, but I get it now. What matters is whether my friends have someone or somewhere to turn when they need help, support, or guidance. It doesn’t always have to be me.

Paradoxically, my lack of equivalent experience can be helpful. I’m less likely to assume I know what’s going on for my friend or imagine that what worked for me is relevant to their situation. I’m also less likely to be triggered by the details of what my friend has gone through or is going through at the time.

Curiosity

On more than one occasion I’ve told Aimee and Fran that it’s very educational being their friend. That might sound as though I’m trivialising their experiences, but I’m genuinely interested to learn about their lives and what they’ve gone through. Being curious helps me appreciate their situation and makes me more able to support them effectively. I’ve written about this previously in How to Educate Yourself about Your Friend’s Mental Health Condition.

You might wonder why you’d want to take the time and trouble to learn about your friend’s health condition. What’s in it for you? Fran never asked or expected me to educate myself about her situation, but our friendship has benefited enormously in many ways. Yours can too. [...] Most important of all, you will demonstrate your commitment to your friendship. Your friend is far more than their illness and symptoms, but by taking time to learn what you can, you’re acknowledging the impact they have in your friend’s life.

An important aspect of curiosity is asking the right questions. That’s certainly true of me and Aimee. She once wrote in an open letter to me on her blog, “I love that you ask me questions when I’m struggling because it’s much more helpful than you just sitting there and nodding along, pretending to understand.”

What if I’m Not Okay?

I told Aimee I’d let her know if I was ever not okay with her talking about her experiences. There’s nothing I’d refuse in principle to discuss, but it’s conceivable something might happen that I’d have difficulty with. I once asked her to check in with me before sending me photos or content that could be problematic. Her “Do you want to see?” means a lot. It reminds us both that there are — or could be — boundaries. It hasn’t happened so far but I’d feel able to say “No thank you” or “Not right now” if the situation arose.

The same is true with other friends. “There’s no TMI [too much information] between us!” feels great in a friendship, but there are times when I’ve hit that boundary. That’s not a problem. Quite the opposite. Being aware of your respective boundaries is valuable in any relationship. There have been times when a friend has asked me not to talk about a particular topic because they’ve found it triggering, or because they’ve not had the capacity to handle it there and then. On at least one occasion they told me later they could discuss it now if I still needed to.

Aimee’s Perspective

I invited Aimee to contribute her thoughts on this important topic.

As a survivor of rape and sexual abuse, I’m incredibly aware and cautious of the fact that sharing my story and talking to others about my trauma can be upsetting to a lot of people. I also recognise that it can trigger other survivors to think more about their own memories and to perhaps experience very upsetting and potentially de-stabilising flashbacks of their experiences.

In all honesty, I find these factors difficult because sometimes I find myself feeling a bit jealous and resentful in thinking; “I wish I didn’t know about any of this too!” It’s also challenging because I had an incredibly naive childhood, which meant that the rape and abuse were both shocking and unbelievable. I didn’t have much knowledge about just how wrong it was. It was therefore difficult to realise it was something that I actually needed to report to the Police. The fact that the naivety had such a negative impact has influenced my opinion of how detailed I should be disclosing the rape and abuse in my blog posts and other public content I create and the work that I do.

— Aimee Wilson

I’m grateful to Aimee for her contribution. Check out her blog I’m NOT Disordered.

Over to You

In this post I’ve discussed the importance of honesty and trust when discussing potentially difficult topics with friends. I’ve touched on some of the reasons people might not want to share, and described how I’m able to hear friends share their experiences without finding it triggering or distressing. Finally, I’ve mentioned the importance of respecting each other’s boundaries.

Do you have people you can discuss personal or difficult experiences with? Is it easier for you to share if they’ve had relevant or equivalent experience? What makes you feel safe — or unsafe — with people? Do you find it hard listening to friends or loved ones talk about what they’re going through? How do you deal with that?

Fran and I would love to hear your thoughts, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Photo by Roberto Nickson at Unsplash

 

Q&A with Aimee Wilson, Founder of Shake My Hand, the Media Campaign for Survivors of Rape and Sexual Abuse

TW: Mention of rape and sexual abuse.

What is Shake My Hand?

Shake My Hand is a media campaign I have created with the goal and mission of increasing the number of Survivors of rape and sexual abuse who report their traumatic experiences. Currently, the statistics (courtesy of Rape Crisis England and Wales) show that sadly, five of six women who are raped don’t report it.

In a bid to achieve our goal, Shake My Hand will provide 1:1 peer support sessions with rape and sexual abuse Survivors. This would be with the hope that if a Survivor feels they have someone who truly understands how they’re feeling and what they’re going through, they’ll feel encouraged and reassured to a point where they might then be willing to report their experiences. We will also be offering to facilitate training packages, workshops, and awareness sessions on both rape and sexual abuse and mental health including suicide and self-harm, because we recognise that over 60% of all Survivors of rape and abuse have a mental health problem and over 10% attempt suicide (these statistics are also from Rape Crisis England and Wales).

Other work the Campaign will do is endorsing other organisations, charities, and signing and promoting petitions which are all relevant to our cause.

Where did the idea come from to create the campaign?

Well, I have personal experience of both rape and sexual abuse from when I was fifteen until sixteen and that obviously had a huge impact on my life and — more specifically — on my mental health. Having that experience, I’ve always wanted to do something in my life that helps others going through that same trauma, and I think I’ve tried to do that throughout my blogging career. However, a lot of my blog’s content has been centred around mental health more generally and with simple mentions of what I went through — occasionally, I have published pieces that have focused on advice around abuse; but they’ve been rare.

Then, as my blogging has led to me developing a huge interest and passion in the communications and marketing industry that has led to me gaining employment experience as well as qualifications in the field. Through doing that, for the last few months, I have wanted to do some sort of project that was more formal than a collaboration on my blog or a series of blog posts, but I struggled to find inspiration and actual ideas! Then, a girl I have followed on Twitter for a number of years was on TV discussing the fact that her abuser’s Lawyer treat her so poorly in the cross-examination when she took her abuser to court. It made me think about how many times a rape and/or sexual abuse survivor is asked why it took them “so long” to report their experiences and why everyone’s answer could very justifiably be “because we get treated like this when we do!” This frustration set off the distinct feeling that there must be something I could do about it and so — just like that — Shake My Hand was created!

What has been the most rewarding aspect of Shake My Hand so far?

Just, how much I’m enjoying the entire process of creating it and beginning to run it. So many people refer to me doing these things as “work” and I always say that yes, I suppose it is a bit of a job or a career, but I don’t feel like the things I actually do are “work” in terms of the fact I enjoy them so much. I think “work” has a negative connotation that you’re doing a task or assignment that you don’t really want to do but, for some reason, you’re compelled to do it anyway, and that can make you resentful and frustrated. These are things I definitely don’t experience — and haven’t experienced in creating Shake My Hand! I’ve loved the creative necessities to it too! It’s taken a lot of work on Canva and that’s a real favourite of mine for online creative tools, so I’ve really enjoyed using it so much and the amount I’ve done on it has meant I’ve actually learnt about a lot of functions on it that I haven’t needed to use until now, and I love learning new things!

Do you have a most memorable moment in the creation process?

Yes! Some people might deem it to be a bad element to find the most memorable, but I’ve found a lot of good in it too! So, I was creating — or trying to create! — the Facebook Cover Photo for the Campaign’s Facebook account (which you can visit here) on Canva. Now, if anyone is reading this and has never used Canva, on it, you can actually search for a “template” which is where you type in what you want to design, and Canva creates a blank (or you can choose from already-designed documents and edit them to your own criteria) piece for you that is of the correct sizing by width and height. (You can actually even — if the website doesn’t have a design of the size you require — create a custom size document.)

So, I had the exact correct size for a Facebook Cover Photo and yet when I would look at it once applied to the account, I found that it cropped the design and cut out a lot of details where I’d added the link for the website, the Campaign’s email address, and the taglines for its other social media accounts. I kept moving the text backwards and forwards and up and down and closer to the centre of the graphic so that there was no way it could be missed out! But then it started cropping the other side of the graphic! It took a good hour or so to realise it was because I was creating it on my laptop, but then looking at it on my phone! And I remembered that in creating my blog, you could alter the perspectives from which you were looking at it and that in doing that, it changed the appearance of the design. So, on realising this, I googled the size of a Facebook Cover Photo on an iPhone and used the “custom size” feature on Canva to create the graphic in that size because I believe that people are more likely to look at a website on their phone now rather than a computer or laptop so I’d rather it was the right size for the phone.

I’d had a Carer at my home the entire time this was going on and when I finally sussed it out; I said to her “have I been a drama queen saying this took forever?” And she was like; “no, you’ve been trying loads!” Then, I went to empty the Recycle Bin on my laptop and found I’d made FOURTEEN attempts! So yes, that was pretty memorable; but, like I said there was a good element to it too; and that was that I sussed it out in the end! I accomplished something and learnt something — which, to me, makes a really stressful situation really worthwhile, more memorable, and actually rewarding!

Have you faced any challenges in the creation process?

At first, I thought I’d take this question out because I thought “can anything beat that previous example?!” But then I thought of something else, and it’s not exactly one particular instance or action that was challenging: but more of a collection of them. So, a number of times, when I’ve spoken to people to tell them about the Campaign, I’ve always found myself talking about the fact that it’s definitely a lot more work than I had anticipated. There’s a lot more to it which I hadn’t thought of or considered. This doesn’t mean I regret the decision to create the Campaign, but I do wish I’d perhaps researched the idea more thoroughly first!

What advice would you give to someone thinking about starting a Media Campaign?

Based on that previous answer, my advice for someone would be to research their idea — not just to ensure they’re fully aware of the potential workload; but also, to ensure that their idea is original too! Having an Instagram account for the Campaign, has meant I’ve actually seen a ton of accounts from charities, support groups, well-known individuals, and organisations that are in some sort of support or awareness-raising for individuals who have experienced sexual abuse and rape. So, I think I’ve been incredibly lucky to have stumbled across a seeming gap in the market with Shake My Hand.

How will you balance your personal life and your blogging career with Shake My Hand?

I have no clue! Haha! I think that a lot of it is just going to be a “learn-as-I-go” type of process in that I’ll develop balancing acts with my commitments depending upon experiences with them. I think it’ll also really depend upon my calendar and my day-to-day and weekly schedule. I mean, if I have a ton of meetings one week — I’m also doing a lot of work with HumanKind in their merger with my support service provider, Richmond Fellowship — then other things might have to pass by and receive less focus. Or, if I’ve got a lot of free time and only support sessions, I will be able to dedicate more time to Shake My Hand. At the minute, I don’t want it to overtake, or be prioritised over, working on my blog content; I really want to do all I can to maintain them equally. But, I think it’s going to be something I learn along the way.

How has technology and the digital world played a role in Shake My Hand?

I think the most influential aspects of technology or the digital world there has been on Shake My Hand, have been Canva and social media — particularly Instagram. I think that the two have really had a big impact on the popularity and success of the Campaign in its early days. Canva has impacted the reception the Campaign has received — particularly in partnership and endorsement emails where the Campaign Strategy (designed completely through Canva) has been attached. Then, Instagram has impacted the audience that are hearing about the Campaign first and becoming its first support.

Looking ahead, what are your hopes and dreams for Shake My Hand?

I really hope that Shake My Hand becomes genuinely influential in the realm and industry that I want it to be relevant to. I hope that it helps at least one person and that it secures at least one endorsement from a well-known and personally meaningful organisation.

 

Further Reading

The Shake My Hand Campaign encourages survivors of rape and sexual abuse to report their experiences. For more information and to receive help and support:

Email: shakemyhandcampaign@outlook.com

Website: www.shakemyhandcampaign.com

Facebook: Shake My Hand Campaign

Twitter/X: @shakemyhanduk

Instagram: @shakemyhanduk

 

Writing the Foreword for My Friend's Book

Foreword /ˈfɔːwəːd/
Noun: a short introduction to a book, typically by a person other than the author.

Would you mind writing a foreword for me?

I was happy and proud earlier this year when my friend Aimee Wilson invited me to write the foreword for her new book You’re NOT Disordered: The Ultimate Wellbeing Guide for Bloggers. It was a great honour and responsibility, and something I took very seriously. I remember when Fran and I were looking for someone to write the foreword for our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder. It was important to find someone we trusted, who also had relevant experience and standing. For Aimee to extend me that degree of trust meant a great deal, not least because I knew how important her writing in general — and this book in particular — was to her.

I’d reviewed Aimee’s previous book Everything Disordered: A Practical Guide to Blogging but this was different and I took care to do the very best job I could for my friend. As a blogger myself, I’m very conscious of the pressure and stresses it can involve. Some issues are more obvious than others, some problems are bigger than others, but there’s very little out there to guide you through such predicaments. As far as I’m aware, there isn’t another book on the market addressing blogging from a wellbeing perspective. That’s why You’re NOT Disordered is so important and valuable.

With more than ten years’ experience running a very successful blog, Aimee is ideally qualified to write on this subject. At the time of writing, her blog I’m NOT Disordered tops the Feedspot listing of UK Borderline Personality Disorder blogs. She’s collaborated with numerous charities, companies, and organisations. She’s also appeared on television and radio, and featured in newspaper articles and magazines. She’s drawn on all this experience and more in writing her new guide on wellbeing for fellow bloggers.

Aimee and I met in early 2016 at a volunteer event for UK mental health charity Time to Change. At that time Aimee had been blogging for three years, me a little less. Despite the fact that we both blog in the mental health arena, we approach even the same topics differently, reflecting our personal perspectives and life experience. What we do have in common are the many challenges which anyone who blogs will understand. Blogging can be a lonely pursuit, and it helps enormously to have someone who understands what we’re going through. Aimee’s helped me many times on all kinds of levels. Through her new book, she’s making that experience and wisdom available to others.

Fran and I were very fortunate to have best-selling author and mental health advocate Rachel Kelly write the foreword for our book. I hope Aimee is just as pleased with her choice! I enjoyed the opportunity immensely and wish her every success with You’re NOT Disordered: The Ultimate Wellbeing Guide for Bloggers. I’m certain I’ll use it a lot to help keep me on track.

 

You’re NOT Disordered: The Ultimate Wellbeing Guide for Bloggers is available from Amazon. You can follow Aimee Wilson on her blog I’m NOT Disordered and on Twitter/X (@aimes_wilson).

Photo by Aimee Wilson.

Originally published at I’m NOT Disordered.

 

I Can See Clearly: Celebrating My New Glasses from Grey St. Opticians

Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you’ll be able to see further.
— Thomas Carlyle

A few weeks ago I wrote about my appointment at Grey St. Opticians. I had a brilliant time, was treated fabulously, and left feeling excited about the new glasses I’d chosen. I promised a “frames reveal” post once I’d been back to collect them, so here we go!

Clothes might not seem very relevant but I put a lot of thought into what I wore for my first appointment. I settled on a bold LIFE IS SHORT BLOG MORE t-shirt. It gave me the confidence to be myself, discuss my needs and preferences, and — with expert guidance — choose frames that would suit my character and personality as much as my look. As I wrote in advance, “my new glasses will be a statement of who-I-am-now that I’ll be living with for the next few years.” It was a little less important for my return visit but I still wanted to present well! I chose my beloved Scottish tweed jacket and a new AnnenMayKantereit t-shirt. AMK is a German band that’s been living rent-free in my head for a while now.

I arrived at Grey St. Opticians a few minutes early and was greeted by Fran, who I’d met on my first visit. She said she’d enjoyed the blog post I’d written about that appointment and was interested to hear I was doing another. She also remembered my best friend’s name is Fran. It felt like a good omen! She had my new glasses ready for me. I was quite nervous about trying them, because I’d invested so much focus and energy into them and wanted so much for them to be perfect. I needn’t have worried. From the moment I put them on, I knew they were right. Fran handed me an eye chart on her tablet so I could perform a reading test. I also did a quick test on my phone to assure myself that near focus wasn’t going to be a problem. I spend a lot of time on my phone! Fran then checked to make sure the frames sat straight on my face and weren’t pressing into the bridge of my nose or behind my ears. It’s common for new glasses to sit differently, and was prepared for a little discomfort as they settle into place. We agreed they didn’t need any adjustment, but I know I can go back if necessary.

Grey St. Opticians are very active online. It was one of the reasons I chose them, because they engage so well with their customers and wider public. I was delighted when Fran asked if she could take a photo of me to share on their social media accounts. Needless to say, I said yes! She checked I was happy with the photo and said I was welcome to use it if I wished. Fran also kindly agreed to a joint selfie to mark the occasion.

They’d made me feel so welcome on both visits that I was sad to leave! I took a short walk through Eldon Square shopping mall, then headed to one of my favourite coffee shops, Caffè Nero at St. Mary’s Place.

If you wear glasses you’ll know what it’s like when you get a new pair. Everything appears brighter and sharper. The world is suddenly more exciting and vibrant. Ironically, it’s not always pleasant at first. It’s common to experience headaches and mild disorientation as your eyes adjust to focusing differently. Your brain also has to adapt to seeing more clearly than it has for some time. It feels especially odd with varifocals, because the transition between near focus and far will have changed and is generally more pronounced. This is certainly the case for me. As Nic had advised when he did my eye examination, my distance prescription has increased a little, but my near prescription is significantly stronger. I need to get used to how I tilt my head, to bring whatever I’m looking at into focus. It will become automatic, but it’s something to pay attention to at first, especially when walking or going up and down stairs.

Walking along the street with my focus in the distance was fine, but it was a little disconcerting when I shifted focus from the distance to near to middle and back again. The critical thing is I can focus perfectly at all distances. I’ll soon adapt to adjusting my head and eyes automatically, no matter what I am looking at.

At Caffè Nero I celebrated with a cheese and mushroom toastie, coffee, and chocolate cake. I then unpacked my every day writing kit and settled into some of my regular coffee shop activities. I caught up with my diary, posted a couple of social media updates, and set up my tablet and keyboard to do a little blogging. I also had a video call with Fran (my best friend Fran, that is!) and was happy to hear she loves my new look!

Later in the day I visited another great friend of mine, Aimee Wilson who blogs at I’m NOT Disordered. I asked Aimee to share her first impressions of my glasses. I think it’s fair to say she likes them too!

I was so proud to hear Marty was going to the optician after so long of not having his checkups because I know how important they can be, and I was really chuffed to hear how lovely all the staff were!

I was kind of surprised to see Marty’s new glasses for two reasons. First because I’m obviously so used to seeing him in his old ones! Secondly, the purple tones in them. They’re very obviously a bit different, but in the most lovely way! And I think it’s a true testament to Marty’s confidence and courage to wear something that is unique!

It’s cool to think they kind of sum him up and I genuinely wonder if they’re going to become his “trademark” like me with my red hair!

Her words mean a great deal. Aimee recognises what a big deal it’s been for me to do this, and how important it was to come away with glasses that not only let me to see clearly, but also express something of the person behind the frames.

It’s been a few days now since I collected them, and I couldn’t be happier. As anticipated, I’ve had a couple of mild headaches, and I’ve needed to take more frequent breaks from my screens than I usually do. That’s probably no bad thing in itself. I’ve also experienced some discomfort across the bridge of my nose as the new frames settle into place. If it doesn’t ease up in a few days I know I can pay a return visit to have them adjusted, but I doubt that will prove necessary. Really, the only problem I have is needing to update all my social media profile pictures!

I’m hugely grateful to optometrist Nic, who did such a thorough and professional job with my eye examination and prescription; frames specialist Becks for helping me find the perfect frames when I had little idea what I was looking for; and dispensing optician Fran for bringing the experience to such a successful conclusion. You’re the best!

If you’re looking for an independent optician in the Newcastle area check out Grey St. Opticians on their website, Instagram, or Facebook. I can’t recommend them highly enough.

 

 

All The Currency I See in Martin Through Our Friendship

By his blogging bestie, Aimee Wilson

As soon as Martin told me he was writing a blog post about what a person can “bring” to a friendship; I thought it might be nice to talk about all the reasons why he’s one of my best-friends, my inspiration in so many ways, and genuinely the kindest and most supportive man I know!

Immediately after I first recognised that I was making real progress in my mental health recovery, I felt the need to think about who and what had helped or made it happen. This meant that I’ve grown to really believe in the importance and significance of showing gratitude and appreciation for the people and the things that have really shaped your life in so many different ways. It is that which has encouraged me to tell you all that Martin is actually as lovely in real life as he is on Gum On My Shoe!

The part of my life he is probably the most important for is in everything to do with blogging — and I don’t want that to sound superficial or insignificant — my blog (I’m NOT Disordered) has been absolutely monumental and fundamental in my mental health journey and has gone on to help my career life too; so it’s incredibly important to me that there is someone in my life who truly understands that. Who understands how much thought, time, and effort can go into writing a blog post – and really, into creating content in general!

The reason understanding and empathy goes a long way with me, is because I spent years hallucinating — years being told that I was seeing and hearing things that weren’t real. Things that no one else was experiencing and so, how could they ever really grasp anything about me? How could they ever truly support me when they had no real clue of why I needed to be supported?

So, when blogging began to turn into something really serious and important, I was so worried by the instant notion that there was literally no one in my life who had a blog. It actually left me a little unsure as to whether to continue blogging — and that’s why I thank Martin; for swooping in and providing me with one of the greatest supports I’ve ever experienced.

My gratitude for his entire existence doesn’t just relate to blogging though; over the years since we first met in 2016 I’ve seen him to have so many incredible qualities and skills. He’s massively loyal — once he supports someone then he’s all in. He’s thoughtful and kind — he’ll give me the best and most amazing gifts at Christmasses, birthdays and the odd random time throughout the year and they’re always just what I wanted/needed! He’s funny too — in the way where we both even end up saying the same thing at the same time because I found it funny too! And, most important of ALL of this ... he’s a BIG fan of my local pizza takeaway!

I’d honestly be lost without Martin and I can’t imagine my life without this bestie of mine in it.

About the Author

Aimee Wilson is a mental health blogger who has used her personal experiences to develop a popular online profile. She has guested here at Gum on My Shoe on several occasions. You can follow Aimee on her blog I’m NOT Disordered and on Twitter (@aimes_wilson).

 

The Currency of Friendship

Fran and I were on one of our daily calls when she said something that gave me pause for thought.

“Friendship is my only currency.”

We were discussing friendship in general, and a few issues we were each having with friends at the time. I asked what she meant. Fran explained that she has only her friendship to offer people. She has no car for rides, day trips, or excursions. No spare money to lavish on expensive meals or treats. She has a nice apartment, and a timeshare, but no second homes in exotic locations for friends to visit. Her only coin is herself. Who she is. It was clear she was wondering if it was enough.

I understood, precisely because I do have more to offer than just myself. I have a driving licence which means I can supervise learner drivers. I don’t own a car but I rent sometimes. When I do, I can take friends to appointments, visit them at home or in hospital, or go out for trips. I have money to lend or gift when it’s needed, to treat friends to gifts or meals or drinks out when we meet. My friends don’t expect to be paid for all the time, but I can afford to pay my share and maybe a little more. I have skills and experience I’m happy to put to use to help others. I’m able and willing to make time for friends when they need me. I have coin — literally and figuratively — other than just myself.

But what if I didn’t? Would anyone still want to be my friend? What would I have to offer? Who am I, in fact, without these coins in my pocket? Fran may question if what she has is enough, but she has good friends who want to spend time with her, people she cares about and who love and care about her. She may doubt herself at times but it’s hard to dismiss the evidence that she’s a valuable and valued friend. What about me?

Friendship as Exchange

Whatever their nature, relationships are transactional. You offer something and I offer something in return. The currency might be practical help, money, companionship, a listening ear, shared activities, support of various kinds, space, or simply time spent together. This might seem odd to you, a little mercenary perhaps, or wrong in principle.

Hearing that I was writing this article on the “currency of friendship” my friend Erik Anderson of Maine observed that, for him, “Friendship is priceless, BUT, like money, it has to be earned, and just as easily can be spent and lost.” This is something I’d not considered, but I like Erik’s take on the subject. Another friend, Paul Saunders-Priem, got into the spirit, declaring with characteristic humour, “Buy me coffee and cake and I’ll be friends with anyone for life!”

Joking aside, there’s nothing unusual or unhealthy about the idea of friends coming together to meet each other’s needs. Eleanor Roosevelt asserted that “[u]sefulness, whatever form it may take, is the price we should pay for the air we breathe and the food we eat and the privilege of being alive.” I’ve explored this previously in Please Wait Here Until You Are Useful. It’s natural and healthy, as long as you don’t lose sight of your needs in the process.

The [danger] comes from placing too high a regard on how others see us, and imagining that we’ll only have value to other people if we’re useful to them. “No one will like me just for me,” the voice of insecurity asserts. “But if I’m useful they will like me, and need me.”

I found a great example while I was researching this article. In response to an Instagram post about self-esteem and being “low maintenance,” someone commented, “You don’t believe you can be liked so you settle for being useful.”

What Do I Bring to the Party?

I’ve found myself in this situation at times, doubting what I have to offer beyond the role of resourceful and steadfast friend. “You truly are someone I can rely on in an emergency and at all other times” remains one of the most genuine, heart-felt, and valued tributes I’ve ever received from anyone, but what else is there?

My world seems small in many ways. I tend to live through the lives and experiences of others. I have a few close friends, my work, my writing. Occasional day trips. Vacations once or twice a year. I rarely have much in the way of exciting news to relate — or even boring news! Why would someone stay friends with me if they don’t need or want the other stuff? This isn’t a pity party. These are genuine questions grounded in experience. I’ve had friendships falter, drift, and ultimately end, when what I had to offer — my currency of friendship — was no longer wanted, or was provided elsewhere. That’s okay, but it leaves the fundamental questions unanswered.

What do you do if you feel you have little to offer, or doubt the transactional value — the exchange rate, if you like — of the coins you hold? If you feel able to, ask your friends and loved ones why they want you in their lives. In our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder there are a few examples of me asking Fran what I contributed most to our friendship.

[One time] she gave me the image of an oak tree, standing strong and tall. On other occasions, she has likened me to a rock or anchor, a still point of reference amid the uncertain tides of illness. I act as a buffer between her and the world, and balance her thinking, which tends to be mercurial, dogmatic, and strongly polarised.

I discussed this again with Fran recently, in relation to this blog post. “What’s my currency?” I asked. “What do I bring to the party?” After jokingly (I hope!) saying she couldn’t think of anything, she said talking with me helps her navigate her relationships with other people, which is an area she struggles with at times. She also values my “simple talk” where I share my walks and food and blogging, because they help ground and stabilise her. That meant a lot. It helped me recognise that the very mundanity of my life has value to Fran. It gives her something to hold on to when her life feels changeable and uncertain.

Another close friend, fellow blogger Aimee Wilson, offered to write something about what I bring to our friendship, which I could include in this article. I hoped for a couple of sentences, but she came back with a full blog post, which I’ll publish separately. I’ll highlight a few things here, not to “big myself up” but because it helps me recognise what I bring to the people in my life.

The part of my life [Martin] is probably the most important for is in everything to do with blogging [...] My blog (I’m NOT Disordered) has been absolutely monumental and fundamental in my mental health journey and has gone on to help my career life too; so it’s incredibly important to me that there is someone in my life who truly understands that. [...] He’s massively loyal — once he supports someone then he’s all in. He’s thoughtful and kind [...] He’s funny too — in the way where we both even end up saying the same thing at the same time because I found it funny too! And, most important of ALL of this ... he’s a BIG fan of my local pizza takeaway!

I’ve focused on the things I have to offer, but what do I look for in others? What am I happy to trade for my coins of friendship?

What Currency Do I Value?

It would be nice to have friends with transport who want to take me out places, or with money to treat me extravagantly! But really, those things count for little. What counts is feeling safe to share openly and honestly what I need to, no matter what it might be. I don’t always have a lot to talk about, and my issues often seem mild or modest compared to what my friends are dealing with. When I do want to talk, though, I need to feel my thoughts and feelings will be treated seriously and that I’ll be heard. The confidence that issues that might arise between us will be addressed promptly and directly is also important. Friendships are tempered by misunderstandings, disagreements, and problems that have been navigated successfully.

What Aimee said about me supporting her blogging resonates strongly. It’s part of why her friendship is so important to me. I publish a blog post every week, so whatever I’m writing about is on my mind almost all the time. It’s important that I have people I can share my thoughts and ideas with. It’s no accident that many of my posts are inspired by conversations I’ve had with friends. The contributions I’ve included here from Fran, Aimee, and Erik, are testament to that.

On that note, I’ll close with another of Fran’s insights about the currency of friendship.

“Presence is the most important thing.”

“Presents? Like gifts?”

“No. Presence. Being present.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Over to You

In this post I’ve shared my thoughts and ideas about what I call the currency of friendship. What is your currency with the people in your life? What is their currency with you? Do you feel friendship is or should be transactional? If not, what are your relationships based on? Fran and I would love to hear from you, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Image by rc.xyz NFT gallery at Unsplash.

 

Blogging Besties: A Joint Q&A With Aimee Wilson

Blogging isn’t rocket science. It’s about being yourself and putting what you have into it. (Anonymous)

I’m grateful to my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson for suggesting this collaboration. Over one hundred questions were submitted by readers and social media followers, from which Aimee compiled the twenty we’ve each answered. My answers are below. You can find Aimee’s on her blog I’m NOT Disordered.

We’d like to thank everyone who contributed, whether your question made the final list or not. They brought back a lot of great memories and did what all good questions do; they challenged us and made us think! I can imagine some serving as jumping off points for future articles.

Our blogs were founded a few months apart in 2013. Aimee’s blog I’m NOT Disordered is amongst the most popular for borderline personality disorder (BPD) and in 2022 was top UK blog for BPD at feedspot.com. Her book Everything Disordered: A Practical Guide to Blogging was published in 2021.

Martin’s Answers

1. Do you feel under pressure to keep going with your blog?

Yes, but it’s self-imposed. Fran and I started our blog in August 2013. We posted haphazardly to begin with but after a while I committed to publishing one post a week. With one exception, I’ve kept to that schedule. It’s a struggle sometimes, but the deadline keeps me focused. To be honest, I fear that if I let things slip and didn’t post for a time, I’d be unlikely to pick things up again.

2. Does your blogging ever feel like a job or is it for pleasure?

I get a lot of satisfaction from blogging, but it’s not something I do for pleasure. It’s more like something I need to do. Writing has always been a vital part of my life and has expressed itself in different ways over the years: the diary I’ve kept since I was fourteen, poetry, short stories and articles, the book I wrote with my best friend Fran Houston, and this blog. Writing, including blogging, is part of my self-care toolbox. It helps me explore whatever is going on for me but can also be a useful distraction technique. I don’t quite know who I’d be if I wasn’t writing (but that’s a topic for another post!)

3. How does negative feedback impact what you’re doing? And how do you cope with it?

I’ve had very little negative feedback about my blogging, or anything I’ve done in the mental health space. Family, friends, and colleagues have always been supportive and encouraging.

4. Do you think that you blog the same because of you both being mental health bloggers?

Aimee and I couldn’t be more different when it comes to our blogging! On numerous occasions we’ve attended the same event or blogged on similar topics, but our articles are always written from very different perspectives. I’d say I approach things in a straightforward, documentary way, whereas Aimee often finds unique approaches which draw on her creativity and lived experience. I like to think our styles complement each other well. I’ve certainly learned a lot from her.

5. What’s your favourite memory together?

It’s hard to pick just one! Fond memories include our first day out as friends at Newcastle’s Life Science Centre; our picnic in Aimee’s garden in 2021 after not seeing each other for a year because of covid; and the wonderful spread she put on for me for my birthday this year. My favourite memory though is when we were discussing a blogging idea I’d had, about how people sometimes fake how they’re feeling. At one point I realised I’d lost track of what Aimee was saying. I think she had too because she asked, “Do you know what I mean?” I hesitated. “I thought I did...” You maybe had to be there, but we found it hilarious and remind ourselves of it from time to time!

6. Favourite photo of you both?

It’s even harder to choose a photo than it was to decide on a favourite memory! I shortlisted half a dozen joint selfies (we love joint selfies!) but my favourite is the earliest, taken outside Newcastle Life Science Centre in January 2019.

7. Can either of you ever imagine ending your blog?

There are times when I wonder why I put myself through the weekly routine, or doubt that my blogging serves any real purpose. But then I’ll receive positive feedback from a reader, or something I’m writing about will spark a conversation with a friend, and I know it’s not time to stop. Blogging is also an important aspect of my friendship with Aimee. Writing can be a very lonely pursuit, and we each value having someone in our lives who understands what it takes to blog week after week, especially in the mental health space. I’m not saying we couldn’t still be friends if either of us stopped blogging — but I’d rather not test that out! Joking aside, Aimee is a huge inspiration to me and a big part of why I’m still blogging.

8. Do you think that your content and blog is helping to reduce mental health stigma?

In a modest way, yes. The book I co-authored with Fran (High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder) is on Bipolar UK’s recommended book list, and I’m proud to have been included in a Health Central article profiling people who have changed the public perception of bipolar disorder. I’ve also written for several mental health organisations including Bipolar UK, Mental Health First Aid England, and bp Magazine for Bipolar. As a Mental Health First Aider I’ve helped foster a more open culture around mental health and wellbeing in the workplace.

9. How does it feel to hear positive feedback when your content has resonated with a reader?

It’s the best feeling ever! A general compliment is great, but it means even more if something I’ve written has affected someone directly, or helped them relate to what a friend or loved one is going through so they can support them better. The most recent example happened a few weeks ago. A reader messaged me and Fran to share how deeply our words and experiences had moved her. “I am at a loss for words. I have actually been hit by it very hard — in a good way.” She continued, “As you say, Fran, I am realizing I need to build my life the way I need it and want it. Thank you for the book, for your advocacy. It is too bad there are not more Martys in the world!”

10. How is your own mental health impacted when you’re putting a lot of effort into your work, but people are still slipping through the net and taking their own life? Does it make you feel like you’ve wasted your time?

Hearing that someone has found themself in such extreme pain or distress that suicide or self-harm seemed their only option is very hard, but it doesn’t Invalidate the message of hope and support we do our best to put out there. On the contrary, it reinforces how important it is to share that message, and to be there for those we care about. Every life lost to illness — that’s how I think of suicide — is a tragedy, but there’s only so much any of us can do to keep those we love safe. That’s something I learned early in my friendship with Fran. As I express it in our book, “It is not that I trust Fran never to try and harm herself, or imagine our friendship guarantees her safety. [...] But I trust her not to hide her suicidal feelings from me, and to be honest with me about them. Ultimately, I trust Fran to allow me to help her stay alive.”

11. After writing something intense, how do you wind down? What do you use as self-care?

I mostly feel a sense of release when I’ve finished a blog post, especially when it’s something that seems especially important or that I’ve put a great deal of myself into. I’ll take a day or two to unwind, but my blogging schedule dictates that I’ll soon be focused on the next post. That helps me put things behind me and move forward. I might choose a lighter or less challenging topic if my previous post was particularly intense.

12. What would you like to see happen in the future for mental health services?

Aimee is better placed to answer this one, as I don’t have first-hand experience as a service user. My three main observations, from the outside as it were, are that services are overly focused on crisis intervention rather than prevention and ongoing support; services are often not available at all for those who need them, where and when they need them; and the quality of care and support seems to vary hugely depending on where you live. I’d like to see some attempt to share best practice. I believe service users should also be more involved in shaping the services and support that are provided and rewarded financially for doing so.

13. What are your thoughts on giving someone a diagnosis?

It’s no part of my role as a friend to Fran, Aimee, or anyone else to diagnose them or encourage them to self-diagnose. Diagnosis is a responsibility reserved to doctors, psychiatrists, and other clinical professionals. More generally, I think diagnostic labels such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, depression, or psychosis can be of value, if they help someone access appropriate treatment and support, or better understand what they’re dealing with. Labels can be problematic, though, if they’re used to stigmatise or discriminate against someone, or suggest there’s something wrong with the person themself.

14. Do you think there’s more that can be done for service users to really feel ‘heard’ by clinicians?

This is often the first question I ask when a friend has attended a clinical appointment: Do you feel you were heard? It helps to be as prepared as possible. I help Fran prepare for appointments with her psychiatrist by typing up a summary of her mental, physical, and emotional health, plus anything she specifically wants to ask. Fran sends the notes to her psychiatrist in advance of her appointment.

15. How do you feel that for some people, mental health and mental illness is only really talked about on dedicated awareness dates.

I have friends with mental health issues who find awareness days and events frustrating, dismissive, or unhelpful. I found this strange at first; surely any attempt to bring mental health to the forefront is a good thing? I’ve come to understand some of the issues and frustrations, which include the lack of professional support services and the fact that campaigns tend to avoid some of the most serious mental health conditions such as psychosis and schizophrenia. I nevertheless continue to engage with, and write for, awareness events such as Time to Talk Day (February), World Bipolar Day (March 30), Mental Health Awareness Week (May), World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10), and World Mental Health Day (October 10). Despite their limitations, I believe campaigns can make a real difference. Last year an event I attended for International Men’s Day (November) prompted me to arrange my first doctor’s appointment in three decades, to rule out the possibility of prostate cancer.

16. Do you feel your blogging is supported by the people around you?

I mentioned that family, friends, and colleagues have always supported and encouraged my writing and other mental health work. That remains true, but Aimee is the person most actively engaged with my blogging because she knows what’s involved. We often discuss what we’re working on, or check in with each other for suggestions on approach, content, or illustrations.

17. How did you both meet?

I’m interested to see if Aimee remembers this the same as me! The first conversation I recall was at an outdoor event for Newcastle Mental Health Day in February 2016, though I think we were both at the orientation session for the event the week before. I was volunteering with Time to Change and Aimee was running the social media side of things.

18. What’s your favourite thing about each other?

I have huge respect for Aimee’s courage, determination, and honesty; both in her personal life and in sharing her knowledge and experience to help others. She’s always open to new opportunities and rarely seems to get knocked back and discouraged for long. She has a great sense of humour and is someone I trust to be there for me if I need it. If I had to pick one thing, it would be that she’s not afraid to challenge me if I do or say something unhelpful or that she doesn’t agree with. That’s quite rare and very important to me.

19. What do you think has been your greatest blogging achievement?

It might sound a little trite, but my greatest achievement is knowing my words have helped people, whether in their own lives or in helping them support friends and loved ones. The single most treasured endorsement anyone has ever given me and Fran was about the book, but I like to think it relates to my blogging too: “[This is] a deeply honest and detailed account of two people’s journey as friends, which reminds us that mental illness doesn’t change what friendship is all about: being there for those we love.”

20. Aside from blogging, what’s your favourite thing to do?

I enjoy time spent in good company, whether in person or online (chat or calls) with Aimee, Fran, and other friends around the world. I also enjoy creative journaling and am teaching myself Teeline shorthand.

Over to You

You can read Aimee’s answers to these same questions on her blog I'm NOT Disordered.

We both hope you’ve found these questions and answers interesting, and that they’ve shed a little light on us as people, as friends, and as bloggers. If you have any questions or comments we’d love to hear from you!

 

Photo by Martin Baker, Newcastle Life Science Centre, January 2019

 

On the Same Page: Thoughts Inspired While Journaling with a Friend

Cause lately I don’t even know what page you’re on.

(Taylor Swift. “The Story of Us.”)

I spent a few hours last weekend with my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson. We had a good catch-up (hard to shut either of us up when we get talking!), watched a movie, and ordered takeout. Best of all, we journaled: Aimee in her scrapbook and me in my beloved Passport Traveler’s Notebook.

We’re close friends but we have very different life experiences and approach things from different perspectives. Difference can be divisive. People can become so estranged they’re not only not on the same page, they’re scarcely in the same library! But as we chatted away and decorated our journals it came to me that difference isn’t something to be feared, skirted around, or avoided. Difference can be positive, complementary, and creative.

My notebook pages are far smaller than those in Aimee’s scrapbook, giving me much less real estate in which to work. She sources images and quotations from magazines, which I rarely do. I use ink stamps a good deal. Aimee doesn’t. We also have different aims in terms of what we want to capture and express in our work. On the other hand, we have a lot in common. We each love incorporating photos, stickers, and washi tape into our designs, and share a delight in the creative process itself. Working alongside Aimee as we shared ideas and traded stickers and decorative items felt warm and companionable. We were very much on the same page, even as we worked on our different pages!

Our approaches to blogging are similarly different but complementary. On a few occasions, we’ve attended an event together and each blogged about it afterwards. Our approaches reflect what the occasion represented and evoked for each of us. As an example, here’s my article about a Cats Protection fundraiser we attended, and here’s Aimee’s post inspired by the same event. Neither approach is right or wrong. We told our individual and complementary stories. We were on the same page, even if our blog pages are different.

This came to mind on a call I had with Fran the day after visiting with Aimee. I can’t always relate directly to what Fran she’s going through, especially where it closely involves some aspect of her mental health or lived experience. But on this occasion, I felt very much on the same page as Fran shared what was going on for her at the time. Although different in details, I had equivalent experiences on which to draw and could offer insights and wisdom relevant to her situation. This isn’t exactly a new thing for us. Our books are full of “on the same page” moments. But when it happens it’s no less special for being familiar. There’s a sense of commonality, of closeness, of belonging in the moment, that I find deeply rewarding.

On the same page is a great place to be — as long as you don’t get stuck there. That’s something I’ve learned from keeping a daily diary since I was fourteen years old. Pages are made to be turned. The new spreads I created in my notebook at Aimee’s invite me to record new memories in the days and weeks to come. In time the insert itself will be filled, archived, and replaced. This post, inspired by our time together and the conversation with Fran, will scroll further down our blog’s homepage as each new article is published. Even the books we’ve published invite the possibility of further books to follow, each full of pages! We intend to publish a new volume of No One Is Too Far Away in due course.

Being on the same page is great and feels wonderful. But even better is being in the same story.

 

Book Review: Everything Disordered: A Practical Guide to Blogging, by Aimee Wilson

Aimee Wilson blogs at I’m NOT Disordered and has guested here at Gum on My Shoe on several occasions. I’m delighted to have this opportunity to review her new book Everything Disordered: A Practical Guide to Blogging.

Paperback: 222 pages
ISBN-13: 979-8713490348
Amazon UK | Amazon COM

Audience

This book will be of interest to anyone thinking about starting a blog but it is probably most relevant if you are blogging — or contemplating blogging — in the mental health arena. The majority of examples are drawn from the author’s experience and blog posts in this area.

Trigger Warnings

Everything Disordered includes some very honest descriptions of the author’s lived experience of mental illness, abuse, suicidality, and self-harm. This could be distressing or triggering for readers, but the author opens with a detailed note on content and trigger warnings, which also serves to orient the reader for the rest of the book.

Organisation and Content

The book is organised into seven parts.

1. Should you blog?
2. Choosing a blog name
3. Blog posts
4. Blogmas
5. Collaborations
6. Press and media
7. Top tips for blogging

Each part contains practical suggestions, advice, and guidance drawn from the author’s experience as a highly successful blogger, amply illustrated with examples from her own blog posts. This approach echoes how Fran and I wrote High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder, illustrating our ideas and approaches with excerpts from our conversations to show how we put those ideas into practice. Everything Disordered takes this a stage further by including worksheets which the reader can use to explore the ideas and decisions being discussed. These and the title pages for each major section make for a colourful and engaging design.

It’s worth noting that the book doesn’t discuss the relative merits of different blogging platforms (WordPress, Blogger, Wix etc), software, or technology (computer, laptop, phone, tablet, etc). This is actually a strength, because any such advice would soon become out of date. Instead, the author focuses on the creative processes involved in blogging, which are mostly independent of platform and gadgetry.

Part 1: Should you blog?

The book opens by inviting the reader to explore why they want to start blogging, and whether they have the qualities to succeed. As a blogger myself I found this part really interesting and relevant. I agree with the author that passion is very important; passion both for your chosen subject area and for the practice of writing and maintaining a blog. Other qualities discussed are time, bravery and purpose, having a good support system, and creativity. The section on having a good support system resonated with me. Like the author, I find blogging can be a lonely pursuit and it helps to have people around you who are supportive, but who also acknowledge your autonomy and creative boundaries.

The author covers potential downsides to blogging such as triggering, overwhelm, struggling with boundaries, and receiving unwelcome reactions from others. The reader is encouraged to consider both the positive and negative aspects of blogging, and this section of the book includes the first of several worksheets for the reader to use.

Part 2: Choosing a blog name

Choosing a name for your blog might not seem that big a deal, but once chosen it’s something you are likely to be stuck with. There’s another worksheet to use when exploring ideas. The author describes how the name of your blog may influence how memorable your blog is and how other people perceive you. Also important is whether the name relates to your theme, purpose, and audience. These are relevant questions no matter what your subject area is, and are a good example of the book’s applicability beyond the mental health arena.

Part 3: Blog posts

This part of the book focuses on writing and publishing a blog post. I found the author’s discussion of sources of inspiration interesting because I use similar sources in my own blogging; personal experience, quotations, and media including social media. The author uses these in different ways to me, though, which has given me new ideas for my future writing. The media section, in particular, has led me to rethink my reluctance to blog about controversial current affairs topics. This part of the book closes with some top tips, a prepublication checklist, and some pros and cons about using photos and images, especially personal photos. I’ve written previously about choosing images for your blog posts and it’s interesting to see how another blogger approaches this topic.

Part 4: Blogmas

The book next covers the phenomenon of blogmas. (“Blogmas is where you publish a blog post every single day from December 1st until Christmas.”) The author covers the process in depth, from conceiving, planning, and writing a lengthy series of daily posts, to the benefits and potential drawbacks. There are two worksheets, and examples of the author’s blogmas posts. I’ve not attempted blogmas myself but the ideas are relevant to any series of posts and I’m sure I’ll find them useful. Topics include setting an overall theme for the series, collaboration (covered in more detail in part 5), guest posts, Q&As, and the importance of good time management and preparing material well in advance.

Part 5: Collaborations

Collaboration can be a valuable and rewarding part of blogging and the author shares tips and suggestions, generously illustrated with articles written in collaboration with organisations that include NHS Foundation Trusts, FutureLearn (an online training provider), Cats Protection, and LNER (London North Eastern Railway). Event blogging is covered in a similar manner. This is another section I found really interesting. I have blogged several events but have very limited experience of collaborating with others.

Part 6: Press and media

Working with the press and media is another area where I have very limited experience. The author’s wide experience is clear and there is a great deal for the reader to pick up and learn from.

Part 7: Top tips for blogging

The book closes with top tips for blogging, focusing on three key areas: confidence and self-belief; finding a sense of community, audience, and support; and appreciating that blogging can be a source of ongoing learning, personal development, and change.

Summary

It should be clear that I found Everything Disordered very relevant to me as a blogger in the mental health space. My life experience, writing style, and approach to blogging are very different to the author’s, but I found the book to be a wholly honest and realistic look behind-the-scenes at what it takes to be a successful blogger. I’ve learned a lot and look forward to putting what I’ve learned into practice.

Social media undoubtedly has its dark side. The author does not shy away from this reality but shows that social media in general — and blogging in particular — can be overwhelmingly positive and beneficial. Examples of how blogging has enriched and expanded the author’s life run through the book. One of my favourite quotations highlights the impact her words have had on others.

A little while after the blog post was published, a reader contacted me to tell me that after reading the post she had finally reported the abuse she’d experienced years before. [...] For the first time, I really realised that my words — my experiences, could have such a huge and important impact on readers.

— Everything Disordered, page 62

This is expressed perfectly in the foreword, written by Debbie Henderson, Director of Communications and Corporate Affairs at Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust:

I would encourage anyone considering setting up a blog to read this book, not only as a practical guide, but as a true insight into the difference a well-run blog can make, not just to the author, but potentially to many other lives.

I will close with a shorter version of this review which I will post on Amazon.

A fascinating read, packed with advice and tips for the budding blogger

This fascinating and informative book is packed with behind-the-scenes insights, practical advice, and suggestions from Aimee Wilson who runs a highly successful blog called “I’m NOT Disordered.” The book is essential reading if you blog, or are thinking of blogging, in the mental health arena but the wide range of topics and ideas make it relevant no matter what you blog about.

The book covers whether blogging is right for you, choosing a name for your blog, writing and publishing posts, collaborating with individuals and organisations, event blogging, and working with the press and media. There is also a chapter on blogmas (publishing one blog post every day from December 1 until Christmas) which would be helpful when planning any series of blog posts. There are loads of tips and examples from the author's blog, and colourful worksheets you can use to explore the ideas yourself.

Highly recommended.

Everything Disordered: A Practical Guide to Blogging by Aimee Wilson is available in print from Amazon and other sellers. (Amazon UK | Amazon COM)

You can follow the author Aimee Wilson on her blog I’m NOT Disordered and on Twitter (@aimes_wilson).

 

Mental Health for All in an Uncertain World

Organised by the World Foundation for Mental Health (WFMH) and observed each year on October 10, World Mental Health Day (WMHD) is an opportunity to raise awareness of mental health issues and to mobilize efforts in support of mental health. This year’s theme is “Mental Health for All: Greater Investment — Greater Access.” In the words of WFMH president Dr Ingrid Daniels:

Mental health is a human right — it’s time that mental health is available for all. Quality, accessible primary health care is the foundation for universal health coverage and is urgently required as the world grapples with the current health emergency. We, therefore, need to make mental health a reality for all — for everyone, everywhere.

You can read Dr Daniels’ full statement and find further resources including a downloadable information pack on the WFMH website. A joint release on WMHD 2020 by the World Health Organization, United for Global Mental Health and the WFMH is here.

Individuals and organisations will mark WMHD in their own way. Here in the UK, mental health charity Mind’s Do one thing campaign invites us to take one small step towards fostering a more inclusive and open attitude to mental health:

Making positive change can seem so hard, especially during uncertain times. And sometimes, it can be hard to know where to start. Whether you want to take the first steps towards getting some help or learn more about helping those around you. [...] Whether it’s going for a walk, learning a new skill or doing something creative, taking the first steps to[wards] getting support for yourself, or reaching out to someone else; take the opportunity to do one thing this World Mental Health Day.

This blog post is my “one thing.” As I write I’m thinking about what mental health means to me, my role in the workplace and beyond it, the impact coronavirus has had on me and those I care about, and what the future might hold for us all. Two words characterise it all for me: uncertainty and change.

Whatever our individual situations it’s fair to say very few of us were prepared for the impact of coronavirus. Our lives have, quite simply, been turned inside out, and there is little certainty about what lies ahead. I’m fortunate that my job in the IT sector has not been at risk and I’ve been able to work from home. It’s not been easy but compared to the many whose lives have been severely impacted — including some of my closest friends — I have been lucky. No, that is incorrect. I have been and remain privileged, to enjoy a degree of relative security.

Nevertheless, lockdown and the ongoing restrictions have affected me more deeply than I imagined they would. I’ve had far more voice and video calls than before lockdown but I sorely miss meeting friends in person. I’ve only managed to meet one of my local friends, once, since the start of lockdown in March. I missed my local coffee shop desperately when it closed for lockdown. That might seem ridiculous but it was very much part of the fabric of my life. I used to visit seven days a week and count several of the staff as friends. I’ve spent two lockdown vacations at home instead of going away, and am about to begin a third.

More fundamentally, I’ve struggled with working from home, especially when it became clear things are unlikely to return to how they were before the pandemic. I became more stressed and anxious than I remember being in many years. As restrictions eased, I’ve returned to the office three days a week. This has helped my mental health enormously but there’s no guarantee I can continue doing so indefinitely. Like everything else, it is contingent on events beyond my control — beyond any semblance of control at all.

An unforeseen change was announced at work last week. It has nothing to do with the pandemic but it will affect everyone in the company. I found it interesting how colleagues responded to the news. Some, myself included, approached it as something which may bring positive change and opportunity. Others reacted with dismay, as though the future holds nothing but distress, disruption, and harm. It’s not that one response is right and the other wrong. For each of us, reality will probably lie somewhere between those two extremes. It was nevertheless a lesson in how our response to unforeseen events can affect how we — and those around us — feel and behave.

I’m writing this at a table in the coffee shop I mentioned earlier. I’ve just been chatting with my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson of I’m NOT Disordered.

Hi Marty. What are you up to?

Hello! I’m working on a blog post for WMHD.

I am too.

I’d be very surprised if you weren’t!

Lol good point!

I’m going to mention last year’s WMHD event in Cullercoats that I went to with you. Who could have imagined so much would change in a year?

I know. It’s a little bit scary

It is, yes.

Organised by Launchpad North Tyneside, the Cullercoats event was “planned and developed by a dedicated group of volunteers made up of service users, survivors, carers, workers and people with a general interest in mental health.” I attended with Aimee and members of LEAPS (Listening Ear & Positive Support) which she chairs. There was a full programme but the highlight of the day was Aimee’s talk. As I wrote in my blog of the event:

Almost the entire room was quiet and focused as she shared her lived experience, the success of her blog I’m NOT Disordered, the benefits and pitfalls of social media, and how all of us can play a role in supporting those we care about.

That day meant a lot to me. For months I’d faced doubt and uncertainty about my role at work and beyond. I found it hard to remain positive, as friends who helped me through those times can attest. The event, and Aimee’s talk in particular, renewed my focus. For the first time in a long time, I felt I had a place and a voice amongst people working for change in the mental health arena.

I’m fortunate to work for a company that is committed to building a compassionate, diverse, and inclusive culture. I co-lead the mental health and wellbeing working group and contribute to the company’s broader diversity, inclusion, and wellbeing initiatives. As I wrote in February for Time to Talk Day, “my involvement in the mental health and wellbeing working group has become the single most rewarding aspect of my job, eclipsing the technical role in personal significance.” With support and engagement from the very top of our organisation, we responded creatively and passionately to the challenges lockdown brought to our company and colleagues. I’m proud to have played a part.

This might all seem a long way from WMHD’s aim of “[making] mental health a reality for all — for everyone, everywhere.” It’s true that workplace initiatives of the kind we’ve championed are no substitute for professional mental health and support services. That said, I believe that encouraging a more open, inclusive, and caring culture takes us in the right direction. This is more important than ever with so many of us working from home, connected by phone and video calls but lacking the social dimension we’re used to in the workplace.

It is not only in the workplace, of course, that the impact of coronavirus is felt. Individually and as societies and nations, we are only beginning to grasp the long-term consequences for our mental health and wellbeing. We all have a role to play in mitigating the dangers, in supporting each other, in caring for each other. The challenges can seem overwhelming but we each bring our lived experience, talents, and gifts, to the game.

My nine-year transatlantic friendship with Fran has taught me a great deal about relationships that never or rarely include meeting face-to-face. I believe this has stood me in good stead handling lockdown and the ongoing restrictions that prevent me from meeting my local friends, family, and colleagues in person. I miss face-to-face contact but I know that connection and caring are not measured by how many times we get together in person.

I’ll close with Fran’s message of challenge and hope from the epilogue to our book:

It may not be easy but you can help someone make a life worth living. Maybe even save a life. One little bit by one little bit. A smile, a wink, a hello, a listening ear, a helping hand, a friendship all work together to interrupt the grasp of illness. Be open and honest, with your friend and others you meet. Judge not, for misunderstandings abound. Acceptance, understanding, and kindness can pave another way. Let’s.

Caring is one thing we can all do. You. Me. Everyone. And not just once a year on World Mental Health Day, but every day.

 

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash