Thanks, I'm Cured! The Big Red Button and What (Not) to Say When Your Friends Need Help

Want a one size fits all solution to your mental health problems? You’re cured with The Button!

This article was inspired by a brilliant spoof mental health infomercial by VLDL (Viva La Dirt League). Before reading any further, I suggest you check it out. If you don’t laugh at some point this post probably won’t interest you. If you squirm a little, you’re in good company.

I don’t want to spoil the surprise if you decide to watch it later, but the basic idea is they’re selling a handy gadget — a big red button — to help when someone is struggling and comes to you for support. Why inconvenience yourself figuring out the right thing to say when a press of the button will generate exactly what your friend or loved one needs to hear? Needless to say, the button’s suggestions are hopelessly inadequate, inappropriate, or just plain daft.

Have you tried being more positive?

It could always be worse.

Happiness is a choice.

Have you tried chamomile tea?

It’s all just in your head.

Other people have it much worse than you

It’s a hilarious metaphor for not thinking, for saying whatever comes to mind, for brushing off our loved ones’ needs with a trite remark or useless suggestion that makes us feel better but doesn’t help them at all. It’s also excruciating, because at one time or another we’ve all done it. We’ve all said something dumb, unhelpful, dismissive, or unkind. We’d never say anything quite as bad as these cringe-worthy examples, of course. Except I have, and you probably have too.

No matter how aware we imagine ourselves to be, no matter how much we’ve been through ourselves and how many times we’ve been there for others, no matter how many courses we’ve taken or books we’ve read or (ahem) written, we’re still going to mess up. And that’s okay. The purpose of the video isn’t to make us afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing something that seemed good at the time but was ultimately unhelpful. It’s there to make us laugh, to give us pause, and remind us we can do better.

Some things are never going to be useful or appropriate, but none of us is perfect and we can’t always know what someone needs. The right thing to say to one person might be the wrong thing for someone else, or even for the same person under different circumstances. Messing up is okay, as long as we’re open to being told and prepared to learn from the experience. That’s something I’ve learned over the years with Fran and other friends. They’re not afraid to tell me if I’m not paying attention, if I get it wrong, or overstep the mark. I’ve written about some examples of this in the past in such posts as How to Be Honest without Losing Your Friends and Letting go.

There’s another serious point being made in the video, which is that sometimes we’re genuinely unable to respond to our friends and loved ones in the ways they need in the moment. This might be for any number of reasons. We may not have the physical or emotional resources to help. We may have conflicting priorities and commitments. Ultimately, it’s our responsibility to manage our boundaries and to respect the boundaries of others. Being a good friend doesn’t mean dropping everything else, every time, at a moment’s notice. It does, however, mean treating our friends with care and respect, and being honest with them about what we can and can’t do for them. I’ve explored some of this previously in How to Be There for a Friend When No One Else Is.

The video also shines a light on the role of artificial intelligence in mental health support. The big red button is funny because its suggestions are ridiculous, but what if they weren’t? What if there was a big red button that got it right almost every time? There are a number of AI therapy apps on the market right now that offer emotional and mental health support. I’ve not tried any and can’t attest to their usefulness, but some people find them helpful and they’re likely to improve over time. Those I’ve read about are geared towards seeking help for yourself, but I wonder how long it will be before we have a big red button app on our phone to help us decide what to say to our friends and loved ones when they’re struggling? Out of interest, I asked ChatGPT the following question. The scenario is taken from the video.

Me: My friend just told me “I’ve just been really overwhelmed lately and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” How should I respond?

ChatGPT: It sounds like your friend is going through a tough time. You could respond with empathy, acknowledging their feelings and offering your support. For example, “I’m here for you. Would you like to talk about what’s been overwhelming you?”

I’ll leave it to you to decide if that’s an improvement on the big red button, which suggested, “You should probably just exercise more.” I know you’d never say that to anyone, but what would you say?

When I first saw the video I thought it was hilarious but wasn’t sure how other people would respond. After all, humour is a very personal thing. Would they laugh or feel it was making fun of people living with mental health issues, their carers and loved ones? Before sharing it on social media I sent it privately to a few friends I knew would tell me if it was off-colour in any way. I needn’t have worried. Without exception they thought it was brilliant. It’s clear that others agree. The video has attracted over a million views on YouTube and hundreds of appreciative comments in the two years since it was posted.

Over to You

What do you think? If you’ve not watched it yet, here’s the link again. Have you ever said any of these things, or had them said to you? Maybe you feel a couple of them are okay under certain circumstances. If so, which ones? Which could you never imagine saying, no matter what the situation? How would you feel if someone you reached out to responded like that? Would you call them out them on it? What if there was a big red button app that got it right almost every time. Would you use it? Does AI have a role in helping us respond appropriately to someone in distress? Fran and I would love to hear what you think, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Image by kjpargeter on Freepik.

 

Exploring the Depths of Mental Health: Who Are You, Alone, Yourself, and Nameless?

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is a hot topic these days, so I thought I’d check it out. I downloaded an app called AI Chat and began giving it writing prompts. After a few interesting but fairly generic results, I decided to request something more specific. I chose a quotation from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien which I’d been working with in another context. Here is the writing prompt, exactly as I presented it to AI Chat.

Write a 1200 word blog post relating to mental health, inspired by the JRR Tolkien quotation “Tell me, who are you alone, yourself and nameless?” Include a title for the blog post optimised for SEO.

I haven’t edited the resulting article in any way.

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Exploring the Depths of Mental Health: Who Are You, Alone, Yourself, and Nameless?

J.R.R. Tolkien, the beloved author of The Lord of the Rings, once asked the question: “Who are you, alone, yourself, and nameless?” This introspective query, while seemingly simple, is imbued with profound depth and complexity. In fact, it is a fundamental question that touches upon the very essence of human existence — our identity.

For many of us, mental health challenges can exacerbate this question of identity, further complicating the already murky waters of self-discovery. Whether it is anxiety or depression, bipolar disorder, or any other condition, one thing is certain — mental health issues have the power to disrupt, distort, and even dismantle our sense of self.

As someone who has experienced mental health challenges, it can be tempting to define ourselves solely through the lens of our illness. We may assume that our diagnosis is the sum total of who we are, rather than recognizing it as just one aspect of our multifaceted identity.

The truth is that our experiences, emotions, and thoughts — both negative and positive — are all valid components of our identity. To truly understand who we are, we must examine the totality of our being, including our mental health.

Mental Health and Identity

Our identity is the sum total of our experiences, beliefs, values, and attributes that make us unique. However, for individuals struggling with mental health challenges, their identity can become overwhelmingly wrapped up in their illness.

In some cases, people may feel as though their mental health struggles define them — that they are only seen as their diagnosis, rather than as a complex, multifaceted human being. This sense of identity loss can be distressing, and can even worsen symptoms of mental illness.

It can be difficult to reconcile our mental health with our sense of self, but it is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling life. We must recognize that our struggles with mental health do not define us; they are just one piece of our identity.

Additionally, we must acknowledge that mental health is not static — it can and will change throughout our lives. This means that our identity, too, is a fluid concept that can evolve over time.

By embracing the complexity of our identity, including our mental health challenges, we can move towards a greater understanding of who we are as individuals. We can also find support and compassion within our communities, knowing that we are not alone in our struggles.

Mental Health and Stigma

Unfortunately, mental health challenges are often accompanied by stigma and discrimination. This can make it difficult for individuals to seek the help they need, and it can also make it challenging to form a positive sense of self.

Stigma can lead to feelings of shame and isolation, further exacerbating existing mental health challenges. It can also perpetuate the myth that mental health struggles are a personal failing, rather than a condition that requires care and support.

To combat stigma, it is important to educate ourselves and those around us about mental health. By challenging stereotypes and misinformation, we can work towards a more compassionate and understanding society.

We must also acknowledge that mental health struggles are a common experience — one that can affect anyone, regardless of their background or circumstances. By recognizing our shared humanity, we can cultivate a sense of connection and community, rather than isolation and division.

Mental Health and Self-care

Self-care is an essential aspect of maintaining good mental health. It involves taking intentional steps to prioritize our physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

Self-care looks different for everyone — it may involve practicing yoga or meditation, getting enough sleep, seeking therapy, or engaging in creative pursuits. Whatever form it takes, self-care is an important tool for cultivating a positive sense of self and managing mental health challenges.

It is important to remember that self-care is not a selfish act. Taking care of our own well-being allows us to show up as our best selves for our loved ones and communities.

If you are struggling to prioritize self-care in your life, start small. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and seek support from loved ones or mental health professionals as needed.

Moving Forward

The journey towards understanding ourselves and our mental health is ongoing, but it is one that is worth taking. By examining the depth and complexity of our identity, we can move towards a greater sense of self-understanding and compassion.

Remember, your mental health struggles are just one aspect of your multifaceted identity. By embracing the totality of who you are, you can work towards a positive sense of self and a fulfilling, meaningful life.

As J.R.R. Tolkien once said, “Not all who wander are lost.” In the same way, our journey towards understanding ourselves and our mental health may involve wandering — but it is not a lost cause. By asking the question “Who am I, alone, myself, and nameless?” and embracing the complexity of our identity, we can move towards a more positive and hopeful future.

 

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Over to You

I chose this writing prompt because I was interested to see how the app would handle questions of identity and authenticity. I was frankly blown away at what came back. I’m interested to know what other people think of this piece in particular, and the idea of AI content in general. Incidentally, I ran the article through the AI detector at GP Zero, which accurately determined it was “likely to be written entirely by AI.”

What do you think? Is the article of interest? If I hadn’t told you, would you have suspected it was generated by an AI process rather than written by a human writer? What difference, if any, does knowing that make to you? Fran and I would love to hear your thoughts on this, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Image by Andy Kelly at Unsplash.