Gum on My Shoe

Dear friends. This letter is written to the readers of this blog, especially those of you with lived experience other than my own. Chronic mental or physical health conditions. Disability. Trauma. Abuse. Rape. Self-harm. Suicidality. Debilitating fatigue, pain, or insomnia. These are things I’ve never known and cannot pretend to speak to or understand. Such awareness as I have is second-hand, shared by those willing to open their lives and selves to me. Friends. Family. Colleagues. Strangers. I will always be grateful for the trust implied by such deep sharing. We write best about what we know personally. With respect to this blog, that’s my experience as a supportive friend to Fran and others. Fran and I wrote our book High Tide Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder on exactly that premise. It’s a perspective that’s valuable and arguably under-represented. Last year I was invited to write about being there for a friend who has survived rape and abuse . It tu...

I am, at heart, a tiresome nag complacently positive that there is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise. — Gore Vidal People don’t always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them. — Unknown A friend will give you good advice — and stand by you when you ignore it. — Pamela Dugdale This post was inspired by a conversation with my friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson. Aimee described an article she was writing on the topic of advice, and it got me thinking. I’ve discussed giving and taking advice previously, in such posts as A Few Thoughts on Taking My Own Advice and How to Give Mental Health Help and Advice to People You Don’t Know . It’s a broad topic, though, and there are many aspects I’ve not covered before. In this post I’ll explore a few more, focusing on the following five questions. What does giving advice mean to you? How good (or bad...

Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just said, I used to. — Unknown This post was inspired by my friend Louise who sent me a short video from a day trip to Mallorca. After showing me the blue sky, sandy beach, and palm trees Louise focused on a magazine open beside her. “I’ve just been reading this article,” she said. “I thought you’d find it interesting.” The article was Why don’t we treat friendship breakups as seriously as romantic ones? by Michelle Elman. According to the magazine, the author “has had her fair share of heartbreak but when her best friend of eight years ghosted her, she felt a new, confusing kind of loss.” Louise was right. Friendships, especially mutually supportive ones, are important to both of us. We’ve been firm friends since we met online in 2019. Coincidentally, her trip to Mallorca fell on the fourth anniversary of us meeting in person for the first time. That morning I’d shared social media memories ...

Noun best and fairest ( plural best and fairests ) ( Australia, sports, rugby, Australian rules football ) an award given to a player deemed to have been the best performer in a game or over a season. See also: MVP [Most Valued Player], man or woman of the match I recently learned of the Australian sporting term best and fairest. It’s used to recognise the best player on a team, often reflecting both their skill and sportsmanship. More generally, it describes a player who is exceptional in some way or has made a significant impact. It struck me as an accolade deserving of wider use, specifically in the context of being a best and fairest friend. In this post I’ll explore what being a best and fairest friend means in a friendship where one person lives with a mental health condition. I’ll focus on bipolar disorder, but the principle isn’t limited to any particular diagnosis or label. Most of the examples will be drawn from my fourteen year connection with my best friend Fran w...

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. The Box on the Shelf: A Strategy for Handling Difficult Issues and Situations Shhhhhhh! A Friend’s Guide to Secrets Twelve Songs That Remind Me What Caring Is All About It’s Time to Talk. But What If You Don’t Want To? One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy: Encounters With the Absurd Man Thank You Anyway: The Gift of Ingratitude How Sad the Song: An Atheist Ponders His Mortality It’s Not Enough / Never Enough I’m on My Way: Thoughts Inspired by Ed Sheeran’s “Castle on the Hill” How Sharing Quiet Moments Can Deepen Your Friendship Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Our books About Us News and Appearances Resources Testimonials   Photo of Etal Castle, Northumberland by Martin Baker.