Gum on My Shoe

By Cassidy Webb In recovery I see a lot of people go in and out. Unfortunately, not everyone makes it back. I’ve lost a lot of friends to addiction and I’ve watched even more of them struggle with their mental health. I’ve watched mental illness take over the minds of good people to the point where it drives them back to the needle or the bar. When it’s somebody close to me, I just want to shake them. I want to shake the misery, the despair, and the fear right out of them. I want them to get well. I want them to get the help that they deserve. However, I can’t do that. I’m not that powerful. Growing up I was told to sit quietly and look pretty. Sharing my emotions was frowned upon, and when I did, I felt judged. I felt like the outcast whom nobody understood. I became a master at shoving my emotions down until they became too much to bear. I would then break down in major depressive episodes. As a teenager, I found solace in drugs and alcohol. I didn’t have to feel anything except...

Not even my closest friends know all this stuff! 1. What’s in a Name? My middle name is Keith. I’ve never liked it much. 2. Schoolboy Crush I had a major crush on my human biology teacher in Sixth Form. Her name was Helen and she was a huge inspiration to me, work-wise and creatively. As “Eleanor” she inspired some of my early poetry . 3. Cuddly Toys When I lived in London I made cuddly toys. The budgerigars and white rats were very popular. My favourite was Pemberton the bear who kept a dear friend of mine company for many years. After my friend died Pemberton returned home to live with me. 4. Nail-biting I still bite my nails. 5. Wombling Free The first concert I ever went to was The Wombles in Liverpool, 1978. 6. Pedal to the Metal The first and only car I’ve owned was a mustard yellow Toyota Corolla, not unlike this one except mine had a CND sticker on the side. It cost £500 second hand. Two years later after spending a small fortune on the thing I got £30 f...

This is a midyear update on a post I wrote back in January: Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2019 . Let’s see how I’ve been getting on! 1. Take Three Well-being Courses ONGOING At the start of the year I enrolled on the Overcoming Self-Sabotage course at DailyOM. I completed the first three lessons (of fourteen) but ground to a halt and haven't managed to get moving again. I have updated my Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) training, though, and am currently taking OpenLearn's Understanding autism course. I've also completed Pluralsight's excellent Introduction to Emotional Intelligence . The course recommended the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, which I bought and am working my way through. I'm finding it exciting and challenging — always a great combination! Speaking of exciting and challenging, I've been offered the opportunity to undertake the three day Personal Leadership Programme by Living Leader later in the year. It w...

Photo: Vikki Beat In the latest of our Bloggers’ Days Out, fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson and I attended Stranger on the Bridge and Other Stories of Friendship and Support at George Street Social in Newcastle. George Street Social is an alcohol-free bar and café run by the Road to Recovery Trust which offers hope and support to people in recovery from addiction problems. We were among the first to arrive and were greeted warmly by Lucy Nichol who I first met last year at the launch of her book A Series of Unfortunate Stereotypes . Lucy is a trustee and marketing and communications lead for the Road to Recovery Trust, and chaired the event. Photo: Martin Baker The first to speak was Paula Cowie who is also a Road to Recovery trustee. Paula shared her lived experience and how important the Trust and George Street Social are to the local community. Matthew Smith from the If U Care Share Foundation went next. He spoke with great honesty and openness about his old...

By Tracy Leppla Suicide is a very touchy subject with me. Why? Because I have attempted suicide four times in the past. Obviously I didn’t succeed or I wouldn’t be here today sharing my story. I remember what it was like back then. How I felt. The darkness completely took over. I felt completely lost. Everything seemed like it was caving in and there was no way out. I had no desire to live anymore. I just wanted the pain to stop and I thought that was the only solution. At the time of my suicide attempts I did not understand my PTSD, my anxiety or my panic attacks. I was angry about everything. I hated everything and everyone. I was tired of being bullied at school. After being beat up for the fourth time at school I decided I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I started fighting back. My fighting turned from survival mode to wanting to win mode. I wanted to show all those bullies not to mess with me and it worked. But it didn’t take the anger and pain away. I was at home alone o...

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. Weepy, Angry, Catatonic: Three Kinds of Depression and How You Can Help "If You've Never Been Depressed or Manic, How Can You Know What It's Like?" Our Top Posts of the Month (June 2019) Four Things It's Hard for a Mental Health Ally to Hear (And Why It's Important to Listen) For the Win! Celebrate Your Successes in Your Own Way Vital But Often Overlooked Self-Care Practices to Focus on Today Don't Be a Jerk: How to Respond Responsibly on Social Media An Open Letter to My Bipolar Best Friend The Law of Attraction Complex Simplicity: The Art of Being Honest Our most visited pages were: News and Appearances Contact Us Our books About Us Resources Testimonials