Gum on My Shoe

I don’t do New Year Resolutions, but in recent years I’ve shared “things I’d quite like to do” in the twelve months ahead. (If you’d like to see what they were you can do so here: 2017 | 2018 | 2019 . You can read how I got on here: 2017 | 2018 | 2019 .) I decided to try something different for 2020. Instead of sharing a list of things I’d like to do at the start of the year, I drew up a personal shortlist of predictions. Needless to say, I didn’t see the pandemic coming! Rather than explore my wayward predictions, I’d like to share my personal experience of a year that defied foretelling. For each month I’ve chosen one photo, and one article Fran and I shared that month on our blog. I hope you’ll enjoy them as much as I did bringing them together. January To get things rolling, I’ve chosen this photo of The Commissioner’s Quay Inn in Blyth. I was there at the start of the year with fellow blogger Aimee Wilson. We met twice more in January; once to mark her b...

Help when you can. Be there when you can. Encourage when you can. A truly happy life comes from giving more than you take . That anonymous quotation came up in my social media feed the other day. On the surface, it’s a straightforward encouragement to help people because it’s good for us to do so. There are three separate elements to it, though, each of which deserves exploring. Offer what people need Offer when you can Enjoy the rewards Let’s take a look at them in a little more detail. Offer What People Need The quotation doesn’t simply say help people, it suggests offering practical help, offering our presence, and offering encouragement. The point is there are different ways to support people, and it’s important to match what we offer with what will help them best. I’m reminded of a maxim of Fran’s that I find really helpful: Give people what they need. Not what you need to give them. It’s easy to skip the first part and leap in with whatever assistance we think is ...

I was searching for a blog topic recently and my son Mike suggested writing about my ideal Christmas. It was a good idea and I love this time of year, but I wasn’t sure how to approach it. My ideal Christmas has always been the last one I spent or the next one to come. In the end I decided to explore what I’ve enjoyed about Christmas in the past and how I’m feeling about this one, which is so different because of covid-19. I hope you enjoy sharing the journey with me. Childhood Memories My childhood memories of Christmas come to me as a series of disconnected snapshots or vignettes. Hunting for the presents my parents had hidden away. Finding them in the suitcases stored underneath their bed. Denshi board electronics set and Spirograph. The wooden gifts my father made for me over the years: the castle my son inherited, the music box, and the fishing tackle box I wrote about decades later. Standing outside Liverpool’s registry office on Christmas Eve in a blizzard at my cousi...

By Kate Adermann Depression is a common mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness, loneliness, and a general loss of interest. This mental health condition may affect how a person thinks, feels, and behaves, as well as causing a variety of physical and emotional issues. With that being said, dealing with depression is extremely difficult, especially when you are trying to keep it together for your friends and family. But, what happens when people invalidate your depression? Unfortunately, it’s all too common for outside individuals to be unable to understand the true nature of another person’s depression. You may have been told, “ You’re too sensitive ,” or, “You are just overreacting, get over it!” Hearing statements like these while attempting to cope with the symptoms of your depression only adds to the loneliness and sadness that you already deal with. When people invalidate your depression, it is referred to as psychological invalidation. This behavior is act...

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. How to Write the Best Acknowledgement Page for Your Book I'm Proud of You: Four Words That Mean So Much How To Understand People and Be Understood An Open Letter to My Bipolar Best Friend How to Gently and Kindly Talk with a Friend About Difficult Bipolar Symptoms VRITRA: A Short Film on Mental Health Our Top Posts of the Month (October 2020) How to Be Honest without Losing Your Friends How Do You Put Up With Me? Is Being "Too Sensitive" a Bad Thing? Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Resources News and Appearances About Us Our books Testimonials  

If it’s true that a picture paints a thousand words , the thousand or so words you’ve written for your latest blog post deserve the very best picture you can find. But it’s not always easy! Do you struggle to find that perfect image to accompany your lovingly crafted words? Do you ever wonder if it’s okay to use that photo you found on the Internet? Read on. What Kind of Image Are You Looking For? It’s worth spending a few minutes thinking about what kind of image you’re looking for. Are you after a banner image to go across the head of your post, or one (or more than one) placed within the body of the post itself? What aspect ratio do you need? Square? Landscape? Portrait? Some image library sites let you search on aspect ratio which can help you find the right image quicker. Bear in mind that you can crop an image yourself to whatever shape or size you need. Is the blog post one of a series? If so, are you looking for an image that matches others in the series? Do you hav...

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. (Seneca) Someone once told me we have no right to expect others to understand us. She was adamant about that. Angry, almost, that anyone could imagine otherwise. The most we can expect, she said, was to be heard. I was reminded of this recently when a close friend said it felt like I didn't know her at all. I got to thinking about what it means to know someone or be known by them. To Know or to Understand? What exactly do we mean by knowing or understanding one another? Is there a difference between knowing someone and understanding them? Ephrat Livni drew a distinction in his article It’s better to understand something than to know it : “Knowing” and “understanding” are related concepts, but they’re not the same. Each is a distinct mental state involving cognitive grasp: Knowing is static, referring to discrete facts, while understanding is active, describing the ability to analyz...

This article was inspired by a conversation with fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson . We discussed how valuable it is to feel proud of our achievements and each other’s, and how sometimes we hesitate to say we are proud of someone in case it comes across as insincere or patronising. For me, telling someone you’re proud of them implies a degree of closeness and connection. An expression of pride means far more to me if the person has been there through my struggles, doubts and uncertainties. Their expression of pride acknowledges their role in what led to this moment without in any way claiming it for themselves. Aimee expressed this perfectly in a social media post which I quoted when discussing how to celebrate success . After almost every blog post, Martin is there telling me how much they meant to him. After every achievement, he is there telling me how proud he is. Well, now it’s my turn! I’m a very proud bestie after all of his recent achievements at work! Fran an...

By Sachit Grover Now available on Amazon Prime, VRITRA is a short film on mental health. The film stars Sachit Grover, Ankit Prasad, Maya Patel, Bhumika Jain, Arushi Pahuja, and Snuggles. It is directed by Nipa Shah. In Hindu mythology, Vritra was a dragon who blocked the rivers and caused a drought. Lord Shiva killed him with a bolt and released the waters. In the context of our lives, Vritra represents the mental dragons that grip us — self-doubt, anxiety, sadness, etc. and our friends and family collectively represent Lord Shiva to enable us to be released from our dragons. This was my first ever short film and I was extremely nervous while filming this. I wanted to have a powerful performance, but I also wanted the performance to be very realistic. Finding this balance was a little difficult. To prepare filming, I had to talk to close friends and family who were dealing with mental health issues. After chatting with a few people, it became easier to get in character....

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. How to Write the Best Acknowledgement Page for Your Book Mental Health for All in an Uncertain World Faking Fine: Why We Fib about How We Are Six Things I'd Quite Like to Do in 2017 Ever Wonder Why Our Blog Is Called Gum on My Shoe? Our Top Posts of the Month (September 2020) The Hidden Cost of Unreliability Let It Out! How to Vent Powerful Emotions Safely Learning to Manage My Bipolar Disorder An Open Letter to My Bipolar Best Friend Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Resources About Us Our books News and Appearances Testimonials   Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash.  

Two of my greatest passions are coffee and writing. I thought it would be fun to share a selection of cafés and coffee shops with particular links to my work. Over the years, my writing has moved through several phases. For ten years (1996 through 2005) I ran Middle-earth Reunion (“The alternative Tolkien Society”). I designed and maintained the group’s website, and published our quarterly journal and newsletter. I wrote articles and short stories which explored the consequences of asserting Tolkien’s role as translator of authentic Middle-earth texts. You can find many of these writings on the Middle-earth Reunion website. My next major focus was High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder co-written with Fran Houston between 2012 and 2016. My blogging career began with the launch of Gum on My Shoe in 2013. I’ve written for many other blogs and organisations , including bp Magazine (Bipolar Hope), Mental Health First Aid England, I’m NOT Disordered, Bipo...