Gum on My Shoe

Call me irresponsible Call me unreliable Throw in undependable too (James Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn. “Call Me Irresponsible.”) At some point, we’ve all had issues with unreliability. The friend who always turns up late. Workmen or deliveries that fail to show when they’re supposed to. Appointments cancelled at the last minute. Friends who expect us to be there for them but rarely return the favour. These are annoying but we understand life gets in the way sometimes, and we acknowledge we’re not always as reliable as we’d care to admit. Dealing with repeated or chronic unreliability is a different matter. If unresolved it can lead to anger, stress, anxiety, and other health issues. So let’s take a closer look at the hidden cost of unreliability, including the impact our own unreliability can have on others. What Is Unreliability? Dictionary.com defines reliability as things “that may be relied on or trusted; dependable in achievement, accuracy, honesty, etc.” Unreliability ...

I’m on my way Driving at 90 down those country lanes. Singing to “Tiny Dancer” And I miss the way you make me feel, and it’s real We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill (Benjamin Levin and Ed Sheeran. “Castle on the Hill.”) I’m no music aficionado but if I really like a song I’ll play it over and over, to the point where I have the lyrics committed to memory. If I ever find myself at a karaoke with a few pints inside me and a friend at my side there are a few numbers I’d have a go at. “ Let it Go ” (from Frozen), “ Take Me Home ” (Jess Glynne), “ Fairytale of New York ” (The Pogues), “ Stay Stay Stay ” (Taylor Swift) — and Ed Sheeran’s “ Castle on the Hill .” I found Sheeran via a video of Canadian singer-songwriter Shawn Mendes performing “Treat You Better” at Capital FM’s Summertime Ball. The song meant a lot to me but in this recording Mendes opened with lines I didn’t recognise. A quick search revealed they were from “Castle on the Hill” by Ed Sheeran. ...

No place for beginners or sensitive hearts When sentiment is left to chance. (Sade Adu and Raymond St. John. “Smooth Operator.”) Have you ever wondered if you’re too sensitive or need to be more thick-skinned? Have others said it to you? The question came up recently in three separate conversations with friends and I’d like to explore it in some detail because it feels important. I’m wary of labels like “too sensitive” or “too thin-skinned” because they imply there’s some universal scale of sensitivity and you’re outside the acceptable range. There may be some truth in that but careless use of such labels fosters stigma, including self-stigma when we use them about ourselves. That said, my friends used words like these to describe what they’re going through. Setting my reservations aside, what did they mean? What Does “Too Sensitive” Look and Feel like? In their different ways my friends were expressing the belief that they respond to things in unhealthy ways, or to an unh...

For #WorldSuicidePreventionDay we’ve compiled a selection of relevant articles we’ve shared over the past few years. Thanks to our friend and fellow mental health blogger Aimee Wilson of I’m NOT Disordered for the inspiration for this post, and much more. How to Take Care of Yourself When Your Friend is Suicidal Being in a relationship with someone who talks about wanting to die can be stressful and draining, so remember to pay as close attention to your well-being as to your friend’s. [ Read more ] 17 Online Suicide Awareness Courses and Podcasts This article presents a selection of online suicide awareness courses and podcasts for anyone who wants to learn about this challenging subject that is a lived reality for many. No course or podcast can make you an expert overnight. You will, however, be better equipped to help someone who may be considering suicide and be in need of support. Many of these resources also address wider issues including stigma and the importance of o...

Fran and I have a “no sorries” rule, which means that we don’t apologise to each other for things we do or say. There are times when we need to talk about things we know will be difficult for the other to hear, and we trust each other to handle what comes up. This might seem strange. We are brought up believing we should apologise when we’ve done something which – deliberately or not – has upset or harmed another person. An apology, “Sorry I hurt you”, is how people generally acknowledge the damage they’ve caused and seek to set things straight. Refusing to do so might appear counterintuitive and disrespectful, as though we are refusing to take responsibility. In fact, the opposite is true. It’s far too easy to say “sorry” and expect the other person to move on, or demand an apology as though that will wipe the slate clean. Don’t get me wrong, “sorry” has been known to escape our lips, although the other person tends to respond with a “no sorries” reminder and a smile, recognising ...

Let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore. (Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez. “Let It Go.”) In a previous article I discussed three kinds of conversation you might encounter in a mutually caring relationship. I call these “My Turn, Your Turn,” “It Will Be Your Turn in a Minute,” and “I Need to Talk Right Now.” Each has its place but the third is arguably the most critical — and perilous — because we’re at our most vulnerable when we allow ourselves to share powerful emotions. There are times when we want and need to just let the words flow, to “dump” (although I hate that expression), to express whatever it is we are feeling or thinking without being interrupted, questioned, or judged. In this article I want to explore how to let the words flow — to vent — as safely and productively as possible. Who, How, When, and Where It goes without saying that it’s best to vent to someone you trust; someone who can hold space without judging you or...

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. Painting, Photography and Positive Mental Health “You’re shaking!” — When Marty Met Frannie How to Write the Best Acknowledgement Page for Your Book Three Things I've Learned About Mental Health Medication Julie A. Fast on Kanye West, Bipolar Disorder, and Relationships Bipolar and Saying No: Why I Can’t Always Do Fun Things with You Waiting for Fran: A Few Thoughts on Expectation and Boundaries Bipolar Stability, Keeping It Silly and Moving Forward during the Coronavirus Pandemic Black Garbage Bags (withdrawn at the request of the author) Exploring Bipolar Disorder and the Sister Diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder. Is My Friend or Sibling Underdiagnosed? Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Resources Our books About Us News and Appearances Testimonials