Gum on My Shoe

By Janet Coburn December is National Family Caregivers Month, so it seemed like a good time to talk about caregiving. In my view, there are three kinds of caregiving: giving care, receiving care and self-care. Caregiving Caregiving is not an easy task, no matter whether you’re a family member or a professional. With an uncommunicative person such as one with depression, it practically takes telepathy. At times it seems impossible to know what kind of care is needed. A hug? Encouragement? Alone time? Help with chores? A listening ear? My husband, who is my principal caregiver, does all those things for me. One thing about caregiving that I learned from my parents is that caregivers need recognition, too. My mother took care of my father all through the years of the illness that killed him. He wasn’t mentally ill, but his physical needs were many. Once my mother came to me and asked if she was doing a good job of caring for him. Of course, I reassured her. The thing is, objective...

And sometimes it happens that you are friends and then You are not friends, And friendship has passed. And whole days are lost and among them A fountain empties itself. — Brian Patten, “Sometimes It Happens” Fran and I talk a lot about friendship. We post about it on social media. We blog about it here. We wrote a book based on our experience as transatlantic best friends. We believe friendships are healthiest and most resilient where there’s a commitment to honest and open communication. That’s not to say, of course, that honesty and openness guarantee a friendship will last forever. Things change, and that’s as true of friendship as anything else. Fran and I have weathered more than a few storms over the years. I’d say we’re stronger for it. But not all change is navigable and not all friendships endure. That’s something I’ve not written about before, although it’s a topic I’ve wanted to explore for a long time. The starting point for this article was a conversation with ...

  I am known, inside and out. I do not feel the need to hide parts of myself away for fear of scaring you. I listen, unafraid of the places you take me. We express love, wonder, anger, jealousy, envy, frustration, freely. We laugh and cry. Real laughter. Real tears. I tell you my how-it-is even when I know it is different from yours. I listen to your how-it-is, holding it gently in the space between us. We dance in the differences, the gaps where the magic happens.   ~mb   This post was originally shared on social media , November 25, 2011. Photo by Leslie Jones on Unsplash.  

I’m just waiting on a friend. — Mick Jagger / Keith Richards. “Waiting on a Friend.” Pretty much every voice or video call that Fran and I share begins with me messaging her “rwya” — our shorthand for “ready when you are.” It’s become so much a part of our friendship that I rarely stop to think about it. Except today I did as I was waiting for Fran to call. I thought it might be interesting to explore what that little acronym means for us, in the hope others might find it useful. I can’t remember exactly when we came up with “rwya” but it was early in our friendship when transatlantic calls were still a novelty for us. In those days, Fran was going through a protracted episode of mania. She wanted and needed frequent and often immediate contact. I loved spending time with my new friend and was happy to accommodate her need for connection, but we needed to figure out how best to do that. I consider it a kindness and mark of respect if someone messages me before calling to check if...

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. 10 Ways to Spend Quality Time with Your Friend That Don’t Involve Talking about Mental Health Our Top Posts of the Month (October 2022) Exploring Bipolar Disorder and the Sister Diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder. Is My Friend or Sibling Underdiagnosed? Our Top Posts of the Month (September 2022) I Am Not Afraid: Three Messages of Hope for Caring Friends Being a Man: Exploring My Gender Identity for International Men’s Day 40 Mental Health Blog Topics From the Caring Friend’s Perspective How to Write the Best Acknowledgement Page for Your Book Our Top Posts of the Month (August 2022) Our Top Posts of the Month (July 2022) Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Resources About Us Our books News and Appearances Testimonials   Photo by Martin Baker.