Gum on My Shoe

At the end of 2020 I shared one photo and one blog post for each month of a year that nobody could have predicted . Since then, in the UK at least, vaccinations and other measures have enabled certain sectors of society to open up a good deal, but any reprieve has been far from permanent or even, and the much-lauded “new normal” remains frustratingly out of reach. Other parts of the world have fared, and continue to fare, far worse. With the Omicron variant rampant, it’s impossible to say what will happen next. It’s in this context that I’m sharing my personal look back over 2021. January I took a local walk for exercise almost every day during lockdown in 2020, often exploring beside the Ouseburn stream. It’s been months since I’ve been back but this snow scene from January reminds me of a period in my life when it provided much valued me time in uncertain times. I’ve chosen a blog post that acknowledges and celebrates “Team Marty” — the people in my life who help m...

By Brynn McCann December 8, 2021. Dear Marty. It’s late here; 12:42 am. As per usual, I am sleepless. It’s seven forty-two your time. A whole new day in your world and an end to one in mine. You would have been proud of me today. I advocated hard for the right meds to get me to sleep. The thing is, I shouldn’t have to work so hard to get the care I need, on top of living with my illness. South Dakota does a poor job of taking care of it’s mental health clients. Something needs to change. You know, for the last six years, you have been a constant source of light in a dim room I’ve lived in. You’ve accepted me as I am and loved me just as I am. You never judge and you lead by example... and that’s the best way to lead, I think. Your “pathological positivity,” as you call it, is infectious and it always helps me to see what’s good in me, even when I can’t see it myself. I mean, you think I’m pretty even though I’m overweight and I feel like a frump queen. We are kindred s...

Written Tuesday December 7, 2021. Two weeks ago I described how I was inspired by an International Men’s Day presentation to book an appointment with my doctor for the first time in decades. My follow-up appointment for blood and urine tests, and an internal examination, is tomorrow. The idea is to — hopefully — rule out any issues with my prostate and get a better handle on what’s going on. As I prepare to take this next step, I’m acutely aware of the anxiety and uncertainty it’s brought to the fore. I can’t be the only person who feels this way ahead of a medical appointment, so I thought I’d share some of my thoughts and feelings, in the hope they may help others. It’s Out of My Hands I was chatting with my friend Aimee Wilson earlier today and she offered an insight which I found really helpful. I’ll be glad when I’ve got this appointment out of the way tomorrow. Oh yes! Are you getting anxious or….? I’m a bit on edge about it, yeah. Just because I’ve not had an...

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. I'm Having a Good Day: Connection and Conversation Inspired by International Men's Day 2021 Spokesfriends and Insular Groups: What Kind of Support Network Do You Have? How to Write the Best Acknowledgement Page for Your Book The Song Remains the Same: Thoughts on Change and Unchange Supportive Disengagement: How to Be There for Your Friend When They Need Space Men and Mental Health: Resources and Heroes An Open Letter to My Bipolar Best Friend The Constant Gardener: How to Be Someone Your Friends Can Rely On Our Top Posts of the Month (October 2021) Return to Down: How My Baseline Mood Has Slipped from Positive to Low Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Resources About Us Our books News and Appearances Testimonials  

In my last post , I described two calls I attended ahead of this year’s International Men’s Day . They gave me plenty to think about, but another session may end up having a more fundamental and long-lasting impact. On International Men’s Day itself, I dialled in to a presentation on men’s health by Steven Pearson-Brown from ToHealth Ltd . It wasn’t the first such call I’ve attended, but for some reason, this one really struck home; perhaps because it was part of the wider focus on men’s health and wellbeing. I listened attentively as Steven discussed a range of topics including weight, exercise, and healthy eating. I’ve been paying more attention to these of late, having put on most of the weight I’d managed to lose. It’s tough to find yourself almost back where you began seven or eight years ago, doubting you can go through that journey again. Steven’s presentation helped reinforce the message that I’m right not to give up. It was another section of his talk, though, that really ...

How goes it? I’m having a good day. Was on an excellent call this morning about men’s mental health and support groups. Got my MHFA Network call this afternoon too. Great!! That little exchange is from a chat conversation with my friend Brynn last Thursday lunchtime. I’d been pretty low for a few days, which she knew, but when I sent those words I was feeling much better. Being able to say that to my friend was important in itself, because it reminded me there are good days as well as rubbish ones. So what had made the difference? In a word, connection. The morning session I mentioned was organised through the Men’s Network at work, ahead of International Men’s Day (November 19). The call was led by Gary MacDonald, who founded the Mind the Men peer support group in Glasgow, Scotland, in memory of his cousin Grant Macdonald who was lost to suicide in 2018. The group provides men “a safe place to talk about their challenges be listened to and feel supported.” The presenta...

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. – Jane Howard It’s no secret that I take friendship seriously. Just about everything I write, including this blog and the book I co-authored with my best friend Fran, concerns the nature of supportive friendships. In High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder we describe the part I play in Fran’s wider support network, and how it’s important for me to have a network of my own. Until now, though, I’ve scarcely written about supportive networks themselves. At different times, Fran’s network has included close friends, her psychiatrist and doctor, therapists, a care coordinator, and an Independent Support Services worker (homemaker). Mine consists exclusively of trusted friends. Yours might be a combination of family, friends, colleagues, or professionals. I’m focusing on friends in this article, but it’s the connections between the ...

I’ve written in the past about some of the roles I play in the mutually supportive friendship I share with Fran. It’s a topic we describe in detail in our book . I’ve written less about how friendships sometimes move through distinct phases. In this post, I want to discuss one such phase, which I call supportive disengagement. What do I mean by that? Essentially, it means stepping back from the usual give-and-take dynamic you share with your friend, but being there if and when you’re invited in. It means providing encouragement and support when asked but otherwise getting out of your friend’s way so they can navigate whatever’s happening in their lives the best way they can. I’ve written this from the perspective of the supportive friend, but it’s equally relevant if you’re the person needing space. Like any other phase of a friendship, supportive disengagement works best if you’re both aware of what’s happening. What Supportive Disengagement Isn’t It’s natural for friendships...

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. Do One Thing (A Day, a Week, a Month, a Year, Now, for You) for World Mental Health Day How to Write the Best Acknowledgement Page for Your Book Exploring Bipolar Disorder and the Sister Diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder. Is My Friend or Sibling Underdiagnosed? The Constant Gardener: How to Be Someone Your Friends Can Rely On Examine Your Shoulds: Why It's a Word You Shouldn't Use Our Top Posts of the Month (September 2021) Return to Down: How My Baseline Mood Has Slipped from Positive to Low Warehousing Society's Estranged: A Review of Matilda Windsor Is Coming Home, by Anne Goodwin The Song Remains the Same: Thoughts on Change and Unchange Millions Like Me: A Conversation with John Medl Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Resources About Us Our books News and Appearances Testimonials   ...

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. The more things change, the more they remain the same. — Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr In this article I’m going to explore some thoughts concerning change and unchange that I’ve wanted to write about for some time. The Words Remain the Same Although I’ve kept a diary since I was fourteen years old, I rarely look back over what I’ve written. I might flick through my current journal to remind myself how I felt a week or so ago, but once a volume’s filled and put away, it tends to stay closed. The exception was when Fran and I were writing High Tide, Low Tide . I read every diary entry I’d written from our first meeting in May 2011, sourcing material to use in our book. A few weeks ago, though, I decided to read one of my old journals, and chose the A4 day-to-a-page diary for 1984. It was a year of significant change: my first full year in London after graduating from university, a role as best man at the wedding of my two closest friend...

So again, it’s time to examine your “shoulds.” “Shoulds” are so often the assimilated wants of other people and of your culture. — Philippa Perry, The Guardian , October 17, 2021 This article was inspired by a short exchange on social media. I said I’d completed one blog post and was pondering what to write next. A friend replied: “Write about pondering what to write!” It brought a smile, reminding me of the time I was struggling to write, and ended up writing about exactly that . I smiled too, because I’d had to consciously avoid saying “I’m pondering what I should write about next.” That word — should — slips so readily into our sentences, even when we know we should avoid it. Ooops. See what I mean? Perhaps you’re wondering what all the fuss is about. What’s wrong with should ? It’s a word. It is, indeed. It can be used in a variety of ways but they tend to fall into one of two categories. Implying a sense of duty or imperative. (I should have phoned my mother ye...