Gum on My Shoe

This post was inspired by a conversation with Fran a few weeks ago. I forget what we were discussing, but I realised I was struggling a little to follow what she was telling me. Fran hates being interrupted because it breaks her train of thought, so I did my best to figure things out without asking for clarification. On this occasion I guessed right, and our conversation continued unimpeded. Afterwards, I joked with her how it’s often like that when we’re talking. She’ll give me a few snippets of information without making clear how they relate or how she feels about them. “It’s like you give me two or three pieces from a 2,000 piece jigsaw and expect me to figure out what the picture is!” She laughed. “But you do it so well!” It got me thinking about how we put things together more generally, and about seeing — or discovering — the bigger picture. When I was growing up in Liverpool, one branch of my mother’s family was heavily into jigsaw puzzles. It wasn’t uncommon to visit a...

I don’t think people understand how important your coffee mug is. It literally is the thing you hold that starts your whole day. — Elyse Salpeter The above quotation is excepted from a recent post on Threads with permission of the author. The full thread is worth checking out, not least for the photos of coffee mugs posted by its readers. As an inveterate coffee drinker, it made me smile, and reminded me of a passage I've seen many times online. You may think that you are completely insignificant in this world. But someone drinks coffee every morning from their favorite cup that you gave them. Someone heard a song on the radio that reminded them of you. Someone read the book you recommended, and plunged headfirst into it. Someone remembered your joke and smiled, returning home from work in the evening. Someone loves themself a little more, because you gave them a compliment. Never think that you have no influence whatsoever. Your trace, which you leave behind with even a...

We cannot help everyone. No matter how loving and patient and compassionate we might be, it isn’t going to work with everyone. That isn’t a failing in us, or in them, it’s just how it is. This has been hard for me to accept: that I can support and help Fran in all the ways I do, and connect meaningfully with others in different ways, yet fail utterly with others, including people I care about very much. Sometimes we need to accept that we cannot be there for everybody. Sometimes we need to recognise the limits of “be who you are, do what you can.” I do not personally feel there is any shame in this. I don’t know how and why it works for me and Fran. It is certainly not because of anything special in me. It is simply how it is.   Photo by Toa Heftiba at Unsplash.  

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. It’s Not Enough / Never Enough The Box on the Shelf: A Strategy for Handling Difficult Issues and Situations Shhhhhhh! A Friend’s Guide to Secrets One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy: Encounters With the Absurd Man It’s Time to Talk. But What If You Don’t Want To? Thank You Anyway: The Gift of Ingratitude How Do I Feel Now? Living with Alexithymia I’m Weak and What’s Wrong With That? Six Qualities and Twelve Men I Admire: Positive Thoughts for International Men’s Day Togetherness Apart: Walking on the Beach With Friends Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Our books Resources About Us News and Appearances Testimonials   Photo by Martin Baker.  

I cherish the boat we built together. It keeps me afloat when the waves of grief come rolling in. — Dances with Dan: Embracing Grief National Grief Awareness Week is dedicated to raising awareness about grief, offering support to those grieving, and building understanding around the grieving process. It recognises that grief is a natural response to loss and works to break down the stigma that often surrounds what is a deeply personal journey. It’s an opportunity to foster compassion, encourage open conversations, and create a more supportive environment for everyone affected by loss. The theme for Grief Awareness Week 2024 (December 2 – 8) is Shine a Light. The light I’d like to shine is that there’s no wrong way to grieve. It’s important to remember this, because it’s easy to fall into thinking we’re doing it wrong, too much, or not enough. Part of the problem is we’re taught there are right ways of grieving, without acknowledging that these may not work for everyone....