Gum on My Shoe

You see them look, and shake their head. “Why doesn’t she just get out of bed?” That same old question, you always hear, “What’s wrong with you now, my friend, my dear?” That million dollar question, they want to know, It has no answer, how would I not know? It’s hard for those who love you to stick around, Who wants to watch a loved one only frown? We understand that, believe it or not, For neither do we like to see your eyes drop. Our world around us, could be crumbling down, Or nothing bad at all could be going down. Depression has no logic, no rhyme or reason, It simply has to come and go, just like the four seasons. ~ Kim Rachelle Robinson  

The simple answer is that we get to find out what’s really important in our relationship. When friends are used to always being there for each other it's courageous to risk months with no certainty of regular contact, especially when one person lives with mental illness and the relationship is crucial to their stability. That's what happened during the summer of 2013, and let’s be honest, it wasn't easy. We were as careful about planning as time permitted and put such safeguards in place as we could contrive. We made it through what was without doubt the most challenging period in our friendship, and one of the most trying of Fran's life, but there were times when it hurt to be so out of touch and times when I was genuinely concerned for Fran's well-being and safety. There are healthy and unhealthy aspects of any close relationship. The healthy include mutual support and encouragement, having someone to share things with, and simply 'hanging out'. For ...

This first appeared as a guest post on Julie A. Fast's blog , 7 September, 2014. Thanks Julie! Like many of the friends I’ve met on the internet, Marty charmed me with his commitment to helping those with bipolar disorder, especially his friend Fran. I asked him to write about his experiences as a friend of someone who has bipolar disorder and how it has changed his life. ~Julie A. Fast “You’re stuck with me now, Frannie.” “Like gum on my shoe!” People are always interested when I say I’m writing a book called Gum on My Shoe . “What’s it about,” they ask? I say, “It describes my friendship with Fran who lives 3000 miles away. Fran has bipolar disorder. She gets depressed, manic sometimes and is frequently suicidal. Despite the distance, I’m her main support.” I wonder if you can guess some of the responses I get: “Gee that’s rough on you!” “I couldn’t do that!...

When friends are used to always being there for each other, it's courageous to risk months with no certainty of regular contact, especially when the relationship is crucial to the stability of someone with mental illness. Chapter eight, Embracing Joy , covers five weeks in May and June 2013, from the first suggestion that Fran might accompany her parents in Europe for the summer, to the authors meeting face to face in Southampton, England. From chapter outline, Gum on My Shoe: One Step at a Time with My Bipolar Best Friend .

This first appeared as a guest post on Megan Cyrulewski's blog , 29 August, 2014. Many thanks Megan for inviting me to guest on your blog today. My name is Martin Baker — Marty, please — and I'm co-author with Fran Houston of Gum on My Shoe: One Step at a Time with My Bipolar Best Friend (currently seeking an agent). Since Megan invited me I've been pondering a suitable topic for this blog. Several suggested themselves but none felt quite right. Then, a few days ago, I found myself sitting in a coffee bar with a new friend, discussing the nature of friendship and how my relationship to people has changed over the years. My friend seemed to find it of interest (perhaps she was being kind — she seems kind) and I thought others might find it interesting too. Fingers crossed! Years ago, my model of people and relationships looked something like this: My world comprised an Inner Circle of "Special People" (immediate family and close friends, most of who...