Gum on My Shoe

Wednesday December 28, 2016 I wake at 6:45 a.m., half an hour before my alarm goes off. I am always glad when that happens, I enjoy that “Ahhh good, don’t have to get up just yet!” feeling! I check my phone for any messages; snooze a little longer. I turn the alarm off with one minute to go. Rise, wash, dress, and am out of the house by 7:35. As I walk to the Metro station, I message Fran good morning for when she wakes later, and send a photo of the tree and path just outside our court. This is a new tradition, started a couple of months ago when the leaves on that tree were first turning towards autumn. It’s a nice way of sharing how the weather is here in Newcastle without getting all meteorological. By the time I’ve reached the Metro station, I’ve sent good morning messages to two other friends, and a meds reminder to one. Not everyone would appreciate a daily reminder to take their medication, and I would never assume to do so without an invitation. It is a measure of trust ...

It’s surprising to find myself in the spirit of celebration. I am rarely one for special days. Often I am depressed and grumpy, a grinch, and having to fake cheeriness for others. A few years ago I began to look for little bits that light me up and dwell on them. There is so much excess and extravagance that can be overwhelming. My little bit grew every year. This year my table was graced with a garland, not one but two nutcrackers marched into my world, and an amaryllis bloomed magnificently by my window. These bits help me feel less alone. Next year a snow globe will sail on in. I never allowed myself to enjoy these frivolities before. But now I know how to cultivate a bit of joy and share it with dear friends of course. Fran  

The following is excerpted from High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder , by Martin Baker and Fran Houston (Nordland Publishing, 2016). Why Do You Do It? People are sometimes surprised how much time Fran and I spend together, and the degree of support I provide. One friend commented, “Realistically, who’s got the time and energy to unfalteringly provide that level of care and dedication to someone outside your immediate family?” It is a valid question, but misses the point a little. Not everyone with mental illness wants or needs the kind of caregiving relationship that works for us. What they almost certainly do want and need are friends they can rely on. Why is that so important? We all need support and companionship, but people living with mental illness often find friends are in short supply. Changes in mood, energy, and behaviour can strain relationships and leave people isolated precisely when they need help the most. Be the friend who doesn’t wa...

Many persons affected by bipolar disorder turn to the use and abuse of substances. This is a catch-all term for anything with psychoactive properties, whether it be alcohol, street drugs, over-the-counter and prescription drugs, caffeine, or nicotine. Often substance use is done in an attempt to self-medicate, where one tries to manage the highs and lows with the use of non-prescribed substances. This can easily slip into the abuse category, if one is not careful. Once a person has started down the slippery slope of substance abuse, it is easy to get lost in the recesses on one’s mind. Psychological dependency is much more prevalent than physical dependence. When someone has established a pattern of behavior, it is often difficult to break. As one of my literary heroes, Wm. S. Burroughs, has said, “once a junkie, always a junkie.” Relapse is a really grave problem for any person diagnosed with bipolar disorder, especially for those dually diagnosed as “chemically dependent.” I have d...

The following is excerpted from High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder , by Martin Baker and Fran Houston (Nordland Publishing, 2016). I’m Never Giving up on You In late November, Fran took a short trip with a friend to the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. They left on Thanksgiving Day, and Fran thanked me for making such a difference in her life. We both had tears in our eyes. I reprised my “angel in the car” role by helping them navigate to their hotel. I had just come off the computer when Fran messaged me “HELP!” because they were getting close to Kripalu and weren’t sure of the route. So I turned the PC back on, found and messaged her the directions, and then went to bed! The workshop was challenging, but Fran connected well with the people she met. I wrote in my diary, “She’s found some real insights on this trip. It is so good to see how much she is growing.” It was a brief respite. Within days of returning th...

The following is excerpted from High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder , by Martin Baker and Fran Houston (Nordland Publishing, 2016). Three Thousand Miles. Three Hundred Minutes. According to one online calculator, Fran’s home on the north-east coast of the United States lies just over 3,050 miles (4,910 km) from mine in the north-east of England. For most of the year, we are five time zones (300 minutes) apart, so that when it is nine o’clock in the morning for Fran it is two o’clock in the afternoon for me. The time difference reduces to four hours for two weeks in spring, and one week in autumn, because our countries switch between normal time and daylight saving time on different dates. The UK enters daylight saving time (British Summer Time, BST) at one o’clock in the morning on the last Sunday in March, and returns to normal time (Greenwich Mean Time, GMT) at one o’clock in the morning on the last Sunday in October. The US enters daylight s...

Sunday, November 6, 2016 / 1-5 pm EST BLUE / 650A Congress St, Portland, Maine / www.portcityblue.com Join transatlantic best friends Martin Baker and Fran Houston for an afternoon of music, readings and fun, to celebrate their new book, “High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder,” and raise funds for Maine-based mental health nonprofit Family Hope ( www.familyhopeme.org ). “We thank all our friends who have come together to make our book, our event, and our way of looking at mental health a different way of being in the world.” (Martin & Fran) Martin Baker (via Skype from the UK) & Fran Houston Donna Betts, Executive Director, Family Hope Phil Divinsky, Master of Ceremonies Sherrie Phair, singer extraordinaire Kate Beever ( www.mainemusicandhealth.com/staff ) Jason Spooner with Adam Fredrick on bass ( www.jasonspooner.com/band.asp ) About the book We all want to be there for our friends, but when your friend lives with mental illness it can be h...

Last week I was honoured to participate as a speaker in the annual “It Takes A Community” forum organised by Maine Behavioral Healthcare. This year’s theme was social media and mental health. It is a topic close to my heart. My best friend Fran Houston and I live 3,000 miles apart, and have recently published a book sharing our experience using social medial and the internet to grow a strong, mutually supportive friendship between, in Fran’s words, a “well one” and an “ill one.” Amongst other topics, the panel discussed people using social media to share their lived experience, whether as part of their personal response to illness, to help others living with similar conditions, or to participate in the wider movement challenging mental health stigma and discrimination. Many, Fran included, share openly. Others are quite frankly too busy getting through one day to the next. Many have learned the hard way what it costs to raise their heads above the parapet. Or maybe they feel it is ...

Writing a book—a book like ours at least—isn’t about the book itself. Not really. It’s about connections. I have my copy of High Tide, Low Tide beside me this morning as I sit at my favourite table at Caffé Nero, and thus far I’ve had two conversations sparked by it. Neither conversation resulted in a sale, but each resulted in an opening of heart between me and the other person. And it’s not just since the book has been published, although that certainly helps. Throughout its four year journey from inception to realisation, our book has brought me and Fran into contact—into connection—with folk we simply would not otherwise have met. Some call it networking. Some call it platform building. It is both these things, and much more. It is what happens when you find your feet on the right road (what Spock described to Kirk as one’s “first, best destiny”) and open yourself to what the journey may bring. I have learned a few things. Not everyone you meet is supportive. Most are. Not ev...

Join us both and a host of friends on Saturday October 1 for the Official Launch Party for our new book, High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . We hope you are as excited as we are! The Facebook event will run between 1pm and 5pm Eastern Time (6pm through 10pm in the UK) on Saturday October 1. Stay tuned to the event for specific details and times as they emerge! We could not have brought our book into the world without the encouragement, support and love of you all. Please accept this invitation as a small token of our thanks and appreciation. High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder is published by Nordland Publishing and is available now at Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk . Marty & Fran  

Fran shares her excitement as she opens her copy of our book, High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder .  

You can muddle along for years. Literally. Sometimes you manage to crawl out of the pocket of darkness and feel what you imagine must be happiness. But it tends not to be sustainable. Circumstances happen. Situations. Set backs. Knock backs. A large mallet to hammer you back into the ground for daring to pop your head up. How dare you! You miserable no good at anything wretch! The world often seems like a place I’d rather not be anymore. It’s a struggle to remain—much harder. The rules aren’t fair, for one thing. And this thing people call ‘caring’, ‘love’ ... what 53 years has taught me is that lip service has come to have more value than active demonstration in a language the person affected can translate into meaning. And people are scared. They’re scared of depression in others. How do you bring a person up from rock bottom without somehow feeling responsible for the aftercare, which means time—which is precious. And weighs heavy. But the worst part of depression is the isolati...

The long wait is over! We are proud to reveal the awesome cover for our book, High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . We hope you are as excited as we are! High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder will be published by Nordland Publishing , October 2016. Marty & Fran  

Join us both and a host of friends on Sunday August 28 as we reveal the book cover and blurb for our book, High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder . We hope you are as excited as we are! The Facebook event will run between 9am and 7pm Eastern Time (2pm through midnight in the UK) on Sunday August 28. Stay tuned to the event for specific details and times as they emerge! We could not have brought our book into the world without the encouragement, support and love of you all. Please accept this invitation as a small token of our thanks and appreciation. High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder will be published by Nordland Publishing , October 2016 (date to be confirmed). Marty & Fran  

Fran and I are proud to announce that our book, “HIGH TIDE. LOW TIDE: THE CARING FRIEND'S GUIDE TO BIPOLAR DISORDER” will be published by Nordland Publishing . Watch this space for further announcements! We’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for your interest, love, and support. It is nothing short of the truth to say we would not — could not — do this without each and every one of you. Follow us here on our our blog and on our other social media channels as we take this next stage in our journey together. “No one is too far away to be cared for, or to care.”  

You have no clue what it’s like.. to be raped as your entrance into womanhood to shove food in your mouth followed by fingers, emptying all but that one thing that won’t budge to run into the arms of a cult for stability to suffer and beg with stifled tears at the foot of your husband to graduate with honors against all odds to succeed in a profession stacked against you for being a woman to fall into the vice grip of a pit bull illness tossed about like a rag doll to gain then lose each and every thing and not just things to crawl back.. once more.. to lose it all over again because no one understands You have no clue what it’s like.. to have a hand and heart held out to you across an ocean steadily and calmly pulling me to shore, to higher ground.. my best friend.. You have no clue.. I do Fran  

I did something remarkable yesterday. I laid down on a bed of tall grass, in a graveyard. I gazed up at the sun sparkling through the trees. I closed my eyes. When my time comes I won’t be resting in the earth. I will be riding on the waves of the sea with my beloved Bo, a golden, an angel. Friends may carve a stone or have a memorial. I only care that there is joy. I only care that there is kindness. I only care that there is freedom, the meaning of my name and my aspiration. Fran  

Stressing, striving, and straining never got me anywhere but sick. I was totally committed to my goals and achieving them at all costs. And I did. I was very successful as an electrical engineer, loved my work. I had the car, the house, the mate, the life. However, I had no balance, no boundaries, which basically translates into no wisdom. Inevitably, coupled with sickness, I lost it all. After many years of thrashing and grieving, beauty appeared. I found that tiny bit inside that was true. I listened to that and it grew. The same philosophy of striving can be applied to healing. Getting fixed, getting normal, getting free of whatever ails you. At all costs. There are a lot of people who are not shy to tell you what to do. I listened and clung to every word until I hit the wall with no money and no cure and was once again only left with that tiny little bit. This time I accepted my illnesses, even embracing them. I now saw them as teachers who were merely showing me how to care for...

I’ve never been one to cut myself off from my “normal” life when I am on vacation. I know people who turn off their mobile phones and put their emails and social media on hold when they are away. It’s not a matter of right or wrong, but that’s never worked for me. Connection is important to me and I’d feel I was denying myself something enriching and valuable if I were to turn my back on it all. As I like to say, I don’t take vacations away from my friends—I take them with me! I’ve always loved photography, and with my smartphone and a decent internet connection (a prime consideration when I am looking for new holiday destinations and accommodation) I can share my experiences more or less in real time, instead of having to wait until I return home to process and post my photos. It’s also important to me that I keep in touch with friends, especially those reciprocal relationships which benefit both parties and which have established regular, often daily or near daily, rhythms....

Always Unstable: Bipolar and Hospitalisation: A Memoir is a book that was a long time in the making, 26 years in fact. I started to write it after my second hospitalization within a year. I felt like I had a lot to share, a lot to own up to, and a story to tell that maybe others might find interesting or helpful. I was already running a blog but I wanted to do something more. I had a bigger story to tell, one that couldn’t be contained within a blog post and one that I didn’t want to draw out over a series. The main focus of my book is my five hospitalisations over the last ten or eleven years. Psychiatric hospitalisations. Although I probably don’t need to clarify that. The first one was when I was 15, I had tried to kill myself, unsuccessfully much to my dismay. The second one didn’t come until ten years later, it was soon after I was told that I had Bipolar Disorder. I was hospitalised for a Bipolar mixed episode. Next was the mania and the eating disorder, then the electroconv...

This article has also been published at The Good Men Project . It inspired an exploration of weakness and emotional vulnerability which you can read here . Dear Dad I’m sitting here on a Sunday afternoon in my rocking chair, watching the tennis on television. How many afternoons did you spend like this, watching sport from your armchair? Tennis from Wimbledon, snooker, football on a Saturday. The classified football results became a familiar and comforting litany, though I never understood them. This is how I remember you. In your chair watching television. Benevolent but, like the football results, a mystery to me. What do I know of you; of my father, the man? What were your dreams? Your fears? Your doubts? What did you long for? What did you hate? I don’t think you were deliberately closed to me, but I never asked, and I can’t recall you venturing to share. I know you didn’t share Mum’s religiosity. Her churchgoing. Her faith. I recall one conversation between you. You te...

Three years ago this week, Fran was on board the RMS Queen Mary 2 , en route from New York to Hamburg via Southampton. It was the start of a three month European tour that we knew would seriously challenge her mental and physical health—and our friendship. I tracked the ship’s position and on board webcam several times a day. With each hour that passed, my best friend was closing the three thousand miles that had separated us since we first met online two years before. We were excited at the prospect of meeting face to face in Southampton, but we had never been as out of touch as we were through this week of the crossing. On board internet was prohibitively expensive, so our usual instant messaging, voice, and video calls were out of the question. We had arranged that I would send Fran a single text message each morning and evening, so she did not feel alone and isolated from the outside world, but it was too costly for her to reply. The week at sea was a lesson in trust and a pow...

My friend Victor was someone you didn’t notice. He was quiet and kept to himself. He always seemed pensive and focused. When I caught his eye his face would light up with warm bright eyes and wide smile. It was remarkable. Always kind, gentle, thoughtful, caring. When I was with him it felt like I was on a mountaintop, or some other place magical. One of the most extraordinary humans I’ve ever known.. Brilliant artist.. I wrote those words to a friend before I visited him. She said, Tell him Fran, Tell him.. So I did.. I sat at his feet. He had me move closer. The sea air breezed in. The warmth of the sun couldn’t help itself. It snuck in also. We talked of everything and nothing, just happy to be together. I planned to make him some thick, tasty, nourishing soup. I told him when he gets well, I would love to be his driver to go visit his mum. After an hour I asked if he needed some time before his reiki treatment. We agreed. We kissed. They said he only had 3 days to live. He li...

I don’t have a mental illness…at least not a diagnosed one. But that’s not to say mental illness hasn’t affected my life. My best friend was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I saw first-hand the difficulties that came with the diagnosis. You might assume that these difficulties were from her internal struggle, trying to cope with the illness. And part of that is true…years after her diagnosis, she still struggles to stay balanced. As hard as that has been, the struggle to get help seemed even greater. It took a long time for my friend Mary (I’m not using her real name) to get help. I knew her long before she started taking medication for bipolar disorder; she was in denial for years. She didn’t have too many close friends, as she was very moody. Some days, she would be full of life and spontaneous, eager to try new things and take on the world. Other days, she would cancel our plans out of the blue. Some of the time, she would give me a fake explanation. “I have to take Max to the...

When I have to look at a person and say, “I’m bipolar”, they get a bemused expression on their face as if they’re waiting for the punchline. That’s all there is to it, and believe me, this is not a joke my friend. I can’t think of many more things as infuriating as someone using a mental illness as an insult. You’re going to hear, “Oh my God! Don’t be so bipolar!” much more than you’re going to get, “Wow, do you have to act so diabetic all the time?” The truth is that many people are bipolar and have done horrible things. Things like theft, murder, even rape. That does not mean that all of us are capable of such unspeakable acts. Hollywood doesn’t help matters at all. Have you ever been using one of the movie streaming services and caught a glimpse of a film that might be interesting? Sure, many people have. How many times have you clicked on the description of that film and discovered that the lead in the story is a horribly insane person, and you guessed it . . . bipolar. What...

At the end of April I realized May would be Mental Health Month. I looked forward to seeing loving energy and attention being brought to those of us who struggle. Inside, my heart leapt. It wanted to contribute. It dawned on me that I could use my words and be vulnerable about things I deal with. I hesitated a bit because frankly that is scary and I would have to be brave. Here are all 31 of my posts gathered in one place. You can click the title of each one to see where I posted it originally on Facebook, and the comments it generated. Fran   Here’s my bit ‪#‎mentalhealthmonth‬ may 1 may is mental health awareness month.. more mind full more heart full less hurt full be.. ‪#‎endthestigma Here’s my bit ‪#‎mentalhealthmonth‬ may 2 Not sure how many of you have noticed, but I have not been posting much lately. When I am not strong I have few words and little faith. I withdraw because I feel no one cares about those more vulnerable. I work hard to stay strong but am ...