Gum on My Shoe

It’s easy to imagine you need to be a mental health expert to support a friend or loved one who lives with a mental health condition. In my experience, learning about a friend’s diagnosis gives me a better appreciation of what they have to deal with, but no online resource, book, or training course can make me fully aware of their situation. I was reminded of this recently on a call with Fran. We were talking about people who seem to routinely — almost willfully — misunderstand how things are for her. She’s normally pretty laid back when people get it wrong, because not everyone has personal experience of her physical and mental health conditions. On this occasion, however, she was frustrated because the people we were discussing knew about her diagnoses. At least one of them owned a copy of our book . I joked that I still get things wrong, despite having been her friend for thirteen years. “That’s true,” she said. “The difference is, you’re only partly clueless.” I m...

As someone who blogs about mental health and supportive friendships, I’m often inspired by what my friends are going through, or my experiences as someone who cares about them. Many of my blog posts begin “This piece was inspired by a recent conversation with ...” In most cases, this occurred within a week or so of my sitting down to begin writing. I don’t necessarily publish straight away, however. I might wait because I already have posts lined up, for example, or hold a piece back for an upcoming awareness day or event. Sometimes, though, I wait because the circumstances I’ve described are still ongoing. This is what I want to write about today. It’s an approach I call Write When You’re in it, Publish When You’re Out. I’ll focus on blogging, but the same considerations apply to sharing in other ways, including posting on social media. Write When You’re in it I’m a firm believer in capturing how you’re feeling while you’re feeling it, or as shortly afterwards as is practical....

TW: Mention of rape and sexual abuse

Vedi Napoli e poi muori. — Goethe It’s not uncommon to encounter bucket lists online. Sometimes it’s a friend adding an item to their list or ticking one off. Other times it’s a meme suggesting things to do or see before we kick the bucket. (To kick the bucket is a colloquial English phrase meaning to die.) The idea was made popular by the 2007 film The Bucket List starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Despite its ubiquity, the idea of writing a list of things to accomplish before I die has never appealed to me. I thought it might be interesting to explore why I feel this way. In doing so I’ll draw on contributions submitted in response to an invitation I posted on social media. I’m grateful to everyone who replied, as well as those who’ve discussed the topic with me in person. You’ve given me plenty to think — and write — about. That Yellowstone Feeling This short video shows a man in his forties standing at the side of the road in front of a sign welcoming visitors t...

Check out our top posts for the past month. Posts are listed by the number of page views they attracted during the month, most popular first. The Box on the Shelf: A Strategy for Handling Difficult Issues and Situations Shhhhhhh! A Friend’s Guide to Secrets It’s Not Enough / Never Enough Six Feet Above: A Conversation With Ellis Ducharme Navigating Mental Health Miles Apart: An Interview with the Co-Founder of Gum on My Shoe I’m Weak and What’s Wrong With That? How to Use a Spreadsheet for Wellness and Self-Care It’s Time to Talk. But What If You Don’t Want To? I Hope We All Make It Lost and Found: Glastonbury 1983 and Other Memories Our most visited pages were: Contact Us Resources Our books About Us News and Appearances Testimonials