A Companion Not a Rulebook: Thoughts Inspired by Cheryl Stott's "Living with Bipolar and Other Mood Disorders"

You don’t need to do this perfectly. You just need to keep choosing yourself often enough that life remains liveable. That’s the work. And you’re already doing it.

— Cheryl Stott

I recently shared my thoughts inspired by William Styron’s “Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness.” Since then I’ve been reading a very different yet no less engaging book on mental health. Living with Bipolar and other mood disorders by Cheryl Stott was published in paperback on January 26 this year. This review is based on the Kindle edition which came out a few days later. I was immediately drawn to the clean presentation of the text. There’s little to get in the way of the content itself. This is in keeping with the author’s aim to help people newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder understand what their diagnosis means — and what it doesn’t mean.

Living with Bipolar is not a clinical manual and it’s not a Memoir. It’s the conversation many people never get when they are diagnosed. This Extended Edition is written for anyone with bipolar who has been handed a label and left to figure out the rest on their own. It speaks in plain English about what bipolar can look like day to day, beyond stereotypes and tick-box symptoms.

This isn’t a long or heavy read (my Kindle app estimates a reading time of just under three hours) but there’s a wealth of material in its 112 pages. It’s not necessarily intended to be read in one go, as the author makes explicit in the Introduction.

You do not need to read this book in order. You do not need to understand everything at once. This page is here so you don’t have to decide where to start when your brain already feels overloaded.

This Quick Start section continues with a series of pointers, such as “If trauma, long-term stress, or feeling unsafe has shaped your life, start with: Chapter Two.” This is a brilliant navigation aid and emphasises that the book is intended to accompany the reader on what will be a life-long journey. (There’s confirmation of this tucked away towards the end of the book. “This book is not a rulebook. It’s a companion.”) No matter what you’re going through there will be something relevant to your situation, whether that’s feeling overwhelmed and frightened (chapters one and four); living with feelings of shame, secrecy, or self-criticism (chapter seven); or grieving the life you thought you’d have (chapter nine). The advice and suggestions feel like the wisdom of a trusted and experienced friend. The Introduction closes with the recommendation to “Read what feels most relevant right now. You can always come back to the rest later.” There are echoes here of the approach Fran and I took in our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder.

The content is divided into thirteen chapters: What bipolar really is; Why your bipolar doesn’t look like anyone else’s; Learning your early warning signs; How to respond without making things worse; Day-to-day regulation; Alcohol, drugs, and bipolar; Shame, secrecy, and the double burden; When things go off track; Grief, identity, and letting go of old expectations; What stability actually means; When the spark fades; Living with bipolar over time; and Bipolar, hormones, and the ground that suddenly shifts.

Many of these topics will be familiar if you live with bipolar disorder or know and care for someone who does. Each chapter contains reminders, advice, and the lived experience of someone who’s been there and wants to share what they’ve learned along the way. The book’s subtitle makes this plain: “I wish someone had sat me down and told me this at diagnosis.”

It wasn’t immediately clear to me but Living with Bipolar actually includes two titles. The main work comprises approximately two thirds of the book. It’s followed by Practical Grounding for Living With a Mood Disorder. The latter covers topics such as sleep, eating and mood, mental resets, responding promptly to shifts in mood, and self-care when energy is low. The fourteenth and final chapter — If This Were Your Best Friend (Learning to offer yourself the kindness you give others) — resonates strongly for me, given my role as Fran’s best friend. My support has helped Fran understand the level of attention and care she deserves, especially at times when she doubts herself worthy of love. This finds an echo in the author’s reminder.

If nothing else, remember this: You deserve the same tone you offer the people you love. Even on days when you don’t feel lovable.

The book concludes with a series of short sections or chapters. A Steady Place to Land reminds the reader that you don’t have to have everything figured out. “This isn’t light reading in the skim-and-forget sense. It asks you to notice yourself. And noticing, properly, takes energy.” I smiled at One Last Thing because it’s far from the last thing in the book. This is fitting, though. One thing I’ve learned with Fran is that nothing related to bipolar disorder is ever “final.” Highs and lows come around time and again, as do good days and rough days and all the days in between. As the author states, “learning to live with a mood disorder is not about becoming someone else. It’s about staying in your own life, with a little more kindness and a lot less fear.”

Returning to This on an Ordinary Day reminds the reader that while many mental health books focus on times when things are going wrong, “a lot of living with a mood disorder happens on ordinary days.” Coming Back After a Break reiterates that the book is intended to be picked up now and again. “Nothing in here expires. You are not meant to memorise it. You’re meant to recognise yourself in it when you need to.” A Quiet Ending brings the book to a close with a message I would have offered Fran many times if I’d had the words.

You don’t need to do this perfectly. You just need to keep choosing yourself often enough that life remains liveable. That’s the work. And you’re already doing it.

I recommend Living with Bipolar both to its intended audience — those newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder — and to people like me who want to understand more of what our friends and loved ones are dealing with on a daily basis.

About the Author

You can follow Cheryl Stott on Facebook (Cheryl PT) and Instagram (her_evolution_uk).

Her books Living with Bipolar and other mood disorders and Rise Again: A Life With Bipolar, Breakdown, and Becoming Whole are available on Amazon.

 

Photo by Micheile Henderson at Unsplash.