Don't Forget What Time to Talk Day Is All About

TW: Mention of suicidality and self-harm

When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.

— Fred Rogers

Falling this year on February 5 Time to Talk Day focuses on creating supportive communities by having conversations with family, friends, and colleagues about mental health. For last year’s Time to Talk Day I shared seven practical tips for supporting friends and loved ones. This year, I’m offering ten “don’t forgets” that remind me what Time to Talk Day is all about. Each links to a relevant post here at Gum on My Shoe providing further ideas and information.

1. Don’t forget to check in with yourself as well as other people

As the saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” We’re better able to help others if we pay attention to our needs too. This is an important reminder for me as I tend to prioritise other people’s needs above my own. Self-care means different things to different people. We’ve collected a range of suggestions in Because You’re Worth it! A Curated List of Self-care Posts.

2. Don’t forget that talking about things is a strength not a weakness

Opening up to other people takes courage. There can be many reasons why we don’t share what we’re going through. I discussed some of these in It’s Time to Talk. But What If You Don’t Want To? Being aware of why someone might find talking difficult helps us understand other people as well as ourselves.

3. Don’t forget that your feelings are valid even if you find them hard to explain

You don’t need the right words for your emotions to matter. This is another useful reminder for me because I find it very difficult to describe, explain, or even label how I’m feeling. This is more common than you might think. I’ve explored some of the difficulties in How Do I Feel? Exploring Alexithymia and Emotional Blindness and How Do I Feel Now? Living with Alexithymia.

4. Don’t forget to listen instead of leaping in to fix things

It’s not easy to hear someone talk about how difficult things are for them, especially when it’s someone we know well or care deeply about. There’s a strong temptation to try and fix things straight away but unless they’ve explicitly asked you to help find a solution, it can be profoundly unhelpful. I still struggle with this at times, but often the most supportive thing you can do is simply be present and hear them. You may be the only person willing to do that. I’ve written about this in How to Be There for a Friend When No One Else Is.

5. Don’t forget that silence can be a sign your friend needs help and support

When a friend, colleague, or loved one pulls back from us or goes quiet it may be worth gently reaching out to them. That said, it’s important to respect that not everyone needs our help or is ready to open up. In Faking Fine I looked at why we all fib to each other sometimes. Elsewhere I explored why our friends and loved ones may hide the truth about their mental health. I’m not good at opening up, even to people I know and trust. It means a lot when someone notices I’ve gone quiet and treats me with care. I expressed my gratitude to two such friends in Thank You for Being There When I Don’t Want to Talk (and When I Do).

6. Don’t forget to ask “How are you, really?”

It’s easy for people to brush off a “How are you?” with a “Fine, thanks” or “I’m okay, how are you?” If you’re in any way unsure, consider pausing a moment and asking the question again. That second enquiry lets them know you’re interested in them and not just asking as a social nicety. It invites a more honest and meaningful conversation. I’ve explored this further in How Are You, Really? Eight Things I’ve Learned About Suicidality and Self-Harm.

7. Don’t forget that little conversations can make a big difference

The idea of talking to someone about their mental health or yours can feel overwhelming. This reminder reassures us that support doesn’t have to be heavy or deep. As I describe in 10 Ways to Spend Quality Time with Your Friend That Don’t Involve Talking about Mental Health it’s just as important to spend time together that isn’t focused on whatever you might be going through at the time.

8. Don’t forget to rest

Rest isn’t a reward for achieving some goal or success. Neither is it something to invoke only when stress or exhaustion have brought us to our knees. Rest means different things to different people but it’s vital to our mental and physical well-being. This is something I tend to forget, as I explore in Do You Ever Just Do Nothing?

9. Don’t forget you don’t have to go through it alone

Our needs vary from time to time. Depending what’s happening in our lives we may need practical help, advice, companionship, or just someone to hear us in the moment. This one reminds us that support can come in many different forms so look to friends, family, support organisations, or professionals. In a crisis situation reach out to a help line or emergency services. A number of crisis and help lines are listed on our resources page. I’ve written about different types of support networks in Spokesfriends and Insular Groups: What Kind of Support Network Do You Have? and acknowledged my own support network in Team Marty (Because No One Can Be Everything for Everyone).

10. Don’t forget that every day is Time to Talk Day

Whenever there’s a mental health awareness day, week, or month you’ll find people with lived experience making the point that their problems don’t disappear once focus shifts to the next awareness event. I couldn’t agree more. Consider this a reminder that mental health matters every day because the challenges of living with mental ill health don’t take days off. I’ve written about this previously in Do One Thing (A Day, a Week, a Month, a Year, Now, for You) for World Mental Health Day.

 

Photo by Kelly Sikkema at Unsplash.