The magic is inside you ... there ain’t no crystal ball!
— Dolly Parton
Wednesday May 6, 2026
Dear Fran.
Today is our fifteenth anniversary as friends. Fifteen is a big number. Not as big as 5,479 which is the number of days we’ve been friends but big nonetheless. Remember in the beginning when I insisted on marking each succeeding month of our friendship? I’ve always had a tendency to overdo things. To be too much. You’ve done well to put up with me! I couldn’t have known we’d still be friends all these years later but from the moment we met your presence in my life was something I wanted to celebrate. That hasn’t changed, though I don’t say it so often.
Fifteenth anniversaries are traditionally marked with crystal. Apparently it symbolises the “clear, sparkling, and transparent nature” of the relationship as well as its beauty, strength, and durability whilst simultaneously reminding both parties “to handle their lasting bond with care, as crystal is fragile.” So much of that is relevant to us.
Our friendship has always been characterised by openness and honesty. We share just about everything. Our worries and hopes, highlights and disappointments. Whatever’s on our minds or in our hearts at the time. We know what delights and what scares us. What brings us joy and what keeps us awake at night. Our histories and our plans. Little if anything is out of bounds. “No TMI,” as they say. Then there are the things we say. “No sorries.” “Don’t worry about me. Care about me.” These aren’t just cute phrases we came up with. They’re the foundation of a friendship that’s stood the test of time and weathered more than a few storms.
That reminds me of a line from the movie A Few Good Men. Do you know it? The line’s spoken by Colonel Jessup, played by Jack Nicholson. “We use words like honor, code, loyalty,” he says. “We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something.” Jessup is an incredibly flawed character. But aren’t we all? It was easy for me to put you on a pedestal in our early days. You seemed more vibrant, more wise, more alive than anyone I’d ever met. It took a while for me to recognise that much of the allure was attributable to mania. “No pedestals” was your way of reminding me that we’re strongest when we’re standing side by side, feet planted firmly on the same ground.
I’m smiling as I write that. Because of course there’s only been one occasion when we were literally side by side, feet planted firmly on the same ground. The ground in question being the cruise terminal in Southampton when I met you from RMS Queen Mary 2. May 9, 2013. A few hours in each other’s company before your summer in Europe.
Being three thousand miles and five time zones apart makes some things harder but it’s never got in our way. No one is too far away to be cared for or to care. More words but not mere words. They’re our message of hope to everyone who cares for a friend like we care for each other. Technology helps us bridge the physical distance. We meet three times a day on screen. On glass.
And suddenly I’m thinking of a crystal ball. The kind fortune tellers use. If such things were real would I want to look? Would you? I don’t think so. We’re both in our mid-sixties. We spend time on end of life planning and legacy. How things might play out for us in the coming years. But I wouldn’t want to know in advance. Walking life’s path with you by my side is more important than the destination or knowing what will happen along the way. Be who you are. Do what you can. Embrace the journey. So maybe not that kind of crystal ball. There are others.
I know fantasy fiction isn’t your thing but in The Lord of the Rings there are seven crystal balls or “seeing stones” called palantiri. They allow people to see distant events, communicate telepathically with others, and see into the past. They’re perilous to use but they’re not a bad analogy for the Internet and how we use it to keep in touch.
But our friendship is more than the technology. More than the apps and devices that enable us to to share our lives. More than the millions of words we’ve exchanged by text and e-mail and chat. The thousands of hours of voice and video calls. The book we wrote together. Our blog. I wrote an open letter to you in 2016 to mark our first five years as friends. Another five years later. When I began this letter for our fifteenth anniversary I did what I often do when starting a new blog post. I looked for a relevant quotation. Searching “quotes about crystal” brought me to Dolly Parton and I knew I could stop looking.
Fifty years of our lives had passed before our paths crossed. I will always be grateful to our mutual friend who unknowingly enabled us to meet that evening in May 2011. Neither of us could have known how important that moment would prove to be nor to what it might lead. There ain’t no crystal ball. What kept us going, what makes everything work, what enabled and enables all the rest is nothing external. It’s the magic inside.
Marty
Photo by Mario Losereit at Unsplash.
Comments
Post a Comment