There's a Bagel in Your Future! Little Treats for Busy Days

TW: Mention of food and eating disorders

Life is better with cream cheese and a bagel.

— Unknown

This blog post was inspired by a video call with Fran while I was on one of my lunchtime walks. Three thousand miles and five timezones away, Fran was heading to the gym after which she had a few errands to run. She’d earlier mentioned stopping at Mister Bagel (“We Bake ’Em Best!”) on her way home so as we ended our call I jokingly reminded her, “There’s a bagel in your future!”

It struck me as a fun reminder that no matter what chores and responsibilities lie ahead there can be room for treats. I knew the treat Fran had in mind. An everything bagel with cream cheese. For those unfamiliar with this delicacy an everything bagel is baked with a mix of toppings that generally include garlic flakes, onion flakes, and poppy and sesame seeds. They’re available in the UK under the New York Bakery label. I dare say they’re nothing like the freshly baked delights at Mister Bagel but they’re pretty good.

Bagel connoisseur or not you might be wondering why I decided to write about them. This year I’ve written about chips (fries, for my American friends) and chocolates (candies). Rest assured, I’ve no plans to turn this into a food blog. There’s something that connects these pieces, however. In When the Chips Are Down I described how much I was looking forward to a tray of chips on my day out at the coast, and my disappointment when that didn’t happen. First Munchie / Last Rolo focused on the role of chocolate as a token of friendship and affection.

The content warning at the top of this post is an acknowledgement that using food as a reward can be problematic or triggering. This is particularly true for anyone with a complex or difficult relationship with food or looking to manage their weight. For more than a decade Fran and I have accompanied each other on our respective journeys towards a healthier relationship with our weight, eating, and body image. These things are not easy and we take the challenges — our own and those of others — seriously. Fran recalls how “One time I went and Mister Bagel was closed. I was devastated. It messed up my whole day!” There’s an echo there of my frustration at the coast.

It didn’t look like I was going to get any chips. It was a disappointment, for sure. More than I’d have imagined. Maybe I’d tied my hopes too tightly to the idea that at some point I’d be sitting on a bench with a tray of chips. Maybe a chip butty. With salt and vinegar and a dash of brown sauce. I could practically taste it. I took a few more photos of the bay and began walking back the way I’d come. I couldn’t think of anything else — or better — to do. What did “better” mean, anyway?

The disappointment was the more acute because these are things we reserve as an occasional treat. I’m very rarely at the coast. The image I’d entertained of sitting on a bench eating my chips recalled specific memories of doing so in the past. It was similar for Fran. “I don’t go out of my way to go for a bagel,” she told me. “I attach it to other errands like going to the bank [as a treat].” She also halves the bagels and eats them over two days, “because of my food issues.” On a lighter note, she added, “The reason I choose the everything bagel is because I’m indecisive. This way I don’t have to choose what kind to have.” This makes sense to me. The Mister Bagel website lists a bewildering array of bagel types, spreads, and toppings.

Fran isn’t alone in paying attention to the nature and frequency of her rewards. My friend Robyn agrees that treating oneself with food “is a bad habit as it can lead to bad relationships with foodstuffs. [I] can be very prone to binge eating and emotional eating so using food as a treat [...] often ends up bleeding into those things instead.” She nevertheless recognises the value of rewarding oneself in small but meaningful ways. After visiting her doctor for an annual review and bloodwork, she planned a trip to a coffee shop to sit and journal “with a couple of large hot drinks to treat self for letting vampires at her.” She added that people ask her why she doesn’t give up drinking coffee as she “is T1D and an insomniac etc.” She noted, however, that she “wouldn’t do stuffs if it wasn’t for little motivations along the way.”

Those little motivations are what this post is about. They don’t have to involve food, caffeine, or any other specific ingredient. What matters is leaving space for small delights, no matter what else we’re going through. I do like my tray of chips when I’m at the coast but I rarely use food as a reward or encouragement. My motivations include finding space and time to journal, to catch up with friends, to work on my blogging, or to watch disaster documentaries.

Whatever works for us it’s important to maintain a sense of balance. Aside from other negative effects, if we rely too much on treats they can become a habit, a distraction, and a means of escape from the reality of our lives. Overindulgence also cheapens the nature of the reward. A tray of chips is special for me precisely because it’s a rarity. It wouldn’t be the same if I sat there eating chips every week of the year. Likewise, Fran’s everything bagel is an occasional reward for navigating the ups and downs of her life. The Mister Bagel website confidently declares “We know you will be back soon.” I’m sure she will, but not too soon.

Over to You

What bagel, literal or otherwise, do you have in your future? How do you treat and reward yourself in ways that are healthy for you? Fran and I would love to hear your thoughts, either in the comments below or via our contact page.

 

Photo by Patrick Perkins at Unsplash.