All dogs are therapy dogs.
Most are just freelancing.— Unknown
I’m going to be honest. I wasn’t keen on the idea of Fran house and dog sitting. She’d been depressed for a while and from my perspective additional responsibility was the last thing she needed. I knew she’d done it in the past but that was a long time ago. Fran heard me out. She took my concerns on board. She spent the best part of a day thinking it over carefully. And decided to accept her friend’s invitation. This wasn’t a problem for me. It’s how we work. Each of us feels safe enough to be honest about what we think and feel. We ask each other’s advice and offer suggestions when invited, but we make up our own minds about things. I was totally behind her decision, once it had been made. There were only a couple of days to get ready but she’d only be away for a weekend so there wasn’t a lot to prepare.
The big day arrived and Fran moved into her friend’s house. When I joined her on our evening video call she was resting on the couch. It seemed very peaceful. From the window you could see the ocean. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. “Where’s Coffee?” I asked. Fran flipped her camera round. A little face regarded me gravely from across the room. She called out to him but there wasn’t much in the way of response. I tried calling his name. Nothing.
I’m not really an animal person. Unlike Fran, I’ve never owned a dog. This one was undeniably cute, however. A Shih Tzu, Fran informed me. According to The American Kennel Club the breed was developed centuries ago in the palace of the Chinese emperor from Tibetan breeding stock. They’re described as playful, affectionate, and outgoing. (“Where Shih Tzu go, giggles and mischief follow.”)
There wasn’t much sign of this in the first few hours. “He is totally depressed,” Fran messaged me after our call. “I tried to lure him with treats but he’s not interested.” An hour later things hadn’t improved much. “He’s SOOOOO depressed. He won’t eat his lunch. He’s parked under the bench by the door. He’s not even interested in his toys.”
I reassured her that he’d be okay. He had food and water and would eat when he was ready to. “I guess he’s missing his Mom,” I suggested. I had no idea if he was actually depressed (dogs can experience a range of emotional and mental conditions including anxiety and depression) but I had one of those sudden insights that come to me every now and then. “He’s in good hands with you,” I told her. “You understand depression.”
When I next heard from Fran she had good news. “He’s eating! I put his little bed next to him, so he climbed out of his hiding place. I put his food next to the bed and put his toy next to him. After a bit, while still sitting in his bed, he leaned over to eat.” She shared a photo she’d taken of him half in and half out of his bed. “I figured I would treat him like I like to be treated when I’m depressed,” she said. “And now he’s perked up and is outside in the garden!”
On our evening call Fran took me for a walk around the bay. She was tired but relaxed. The next day, she stayed inside, enjoying the chance to spend time with her new friend. They had fun playing together, Fran throwing his ball for him to chase after and retrieve. He climbed onto the couch and snuggled with her, fully living up to his breed’s description. According to the American Kennel Club, “a Shih Tzu’s idea of fun is sitting in your lap acting adorable as you try to watch TV.”
In the days that followed, we talked about how the weekend had been. My reservations had been proved wrong but Fran was grateful for them. They’d helped her weigh up the pros and cons and reach a decision she was happy with, no matter how things worked out. As it was, the weekend away from home had been exactly what she needed. Rather than add to her responsibilities it had provided a break from her usual routine.
Her housemate’s behaviour had concerned her at first, but my reminder that depression was something she understood had invited her to approach him with compassion. He was undoubtedly unsure of her at first, keeping his distance until he felt he could trust her. Fran is much better with new people than I am but social anxiety is something we both live with. Fran’s delight when he emerged from his hiding place and began eating was more than relief. It was something I recognise from my relationship with Fran and other friends. She hadn’t pushed him to “be happy” or to set his doubts and uncertainties aside just so she could feel better. She’d simply been there while he figured things out for himself and learned to feel safe with her. That depth of connection is a beautiful thing.
Thinking about her little friend’s needs also led Fran to self-compassion. She’d been depressed and that was okay. But it wasn’t all depression. She was also physically and mentally exhausted. The weekend gave her the chance to rest. “I have just been napping and eating,” she messaged me on that first day. “No more no less. I didn’t really realize just how tired I was.”
So what were the three things this little dog taught me about depression? The first is that vigilance is important. Being aware of someone’s behaviour — and especially changes in their behaviour — allows us to spot potential issues and difficulties before they become too serious. That applies as much to our human friends as to our animal companions. I’ll continue to flag my concerns to Fran, aware that I won’t always get it right. She does the same for me.
The second is that it’s okay to feel what we feel. Being quiet or cautious around new people, not wanting to take part in what’s going on, or even being clinically depressed, doesn’t make us less than or broken. We are worthy of compassion, care, and consideration regardless of how we’re feeling or what’s going on for us.
My third takeaway is that it’s as important to care for ourselves as it is to care for others. These are not contradictory priorities. Respecting and attending to our needs allows us to better support those we care about, no matter their species.
These lessons weren’t new to me but a refresher is always valuable and teachers don’t come much cuter than this.
Over to You
In this post I’ve shared some of the lessons Fran and I learned from her experience house and dog sitting for her friend. What have animals taught you about mental health, physical health, compassion, or caring? We’d love to hear from you, either in the comments below or via email our contact page.
With thanks to Jeanne and Coffee.
Photo by Karsten Winegeart at Unsplash.
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