Gum on My Shoe

I was asked by Martin to contribute to his blog regarding my experiences with ME/CFS. This was right after an extremely poor night’s sleep, but luckily my mood is not tied to my sleep so I was very polite in accepting! How to explain it... Firstly, a couple of things about me. My name is Michael and I am 24 years of age, currently living at home. This past year has seen the beginnings of my ME, and it is a considerable struggle living with it. I would never have called myself healthy. I have lived with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome for those who don’t know) for most of my adult life; since I went to university anyway. But after several months of crippling fatigue I finally got a diagnosis, a tentative one anyway. As to my experiences, the best way to describe ME, for me at any rate, is the crippling, almost toxic fatigue. It does not go away with rest (for example, I had 12 hours of sleep one night, and woke up just as wiped out as I had been the day earlier). It...

i am always amused when friends say wow you are out all the time doing lots of fun stuff.. truth is, the happy face on the outside doesn't always tell the pain, fatigue and torment on the inside.. photos posted from delightful places don't tell the story of what it costs to be there.. having three chronic, invisible mental and physical illnesses is a full time job requiring much effort and care.. i rest a lot.. i meditate a lot.. i regularly flatline.. i work harder now than i ever did as an engineer.. time with friends, time with music, art, theatre, just time out.. is part of my wellness regime, as well as just something i like to do, as everyone does.. but it takes a lot to get there.. my bucket needs to be full or nearly full or i'll run into trouble.. self care, connections, and enjoyment are critical components of my staying alive.. only a few see the whole story.. i try to present well to the world, so others need not suffer my travails or worry about me.. ...

It’s two years since Fran first suggested we write a book about my experiences as the friend of someone living with illness. Writing a book isn’t something to be taken on lightly or casually, but I didn’t anticipate just how much would be involved with the book itself (research, study, writing, editing, and all the work we’ve done in the quest to find a literary agent) or how much the journey would challenge and enrich me. I’ve taken courses I would never have thought of taking if it wasn't for Gum on My Shoe , including the excellent Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) and ASIST workshops. I’ve expanded my awareness and involvement in the online mental health community developing our social media presence. Most importantly of all, I’ve met some wonderful people. Last night, Fran and I met up with a dear friend we’ve each known online since 2011 but had never previously met face to face. It was great to all hang out together: to laugh a...

You see them look, and shake their head. “Why doesn’t she just get out of bed?” That same old question, you always hear, “What’s wrong with you now, my friend, my dear?” That million dollar question, they want to know, It has no answer, how would I not know? It’s hard for those who love you to stick around, Who wants to watch a loved one only frown? We understand that, believe it or not, For neither do we like to see your eyes drop. Our world around us, could be crumbling down, Or nothing bad at all could be going down. Depression has no logic, no rhyme or reason, It simply has to come and go, just like the four seasons. ~ Kim Rachelle Robinson  

The simple answer is that we get to find out what’s really important in our relationship. When friends are used to always being there for each other it's courageous to risk months with no certainty of regular contact, especially when one person lives with mental illness and the relationship is crucial to their stability. That's what happened during the summer of 2013, and let’s be honest, it wasn't easy. We were as careful about planning as time permitted and put such safeguards in place as we could contrive. We made it through what was without doubt the most challenging period in our friendship, and one of the most trying of Fran's life, but there were times when it hurt to be so out of touch and times when I was genuinely concerned for Fran's well-being and safety. There are healthy and unhealthy aspects of any close relationship. The healthy include mutual support and encouragement, having someone to share things with, and simply 'hanging out'. For ...

This first appeared as a guest post on Julie A. Fast's blog , 7 September, 2014. Thanks Julie! Like many of the friends I’ve met on the internet, Marty charmed me with his commitment to helping those with bipolar disorder, especially his friend Fran. I asked him to write about his experiences as a friend of someone who has bipolar disorder and how it has changed his life. ~Julie A. Fast “You’re stuck with me now, Frannie.” “Like gum on my shoe!” People are always interested when I say I’m writing a book called Gum on My Shoe . “What’s it about,” they ask? I say, “It describes my friendship with Fran who lives 3000 miles away. Fran has bipolar disorder. She gets depressed, manic sometimes and is frequently suicidal. Despite the distance, I’m her main support.” I wonder if you can guess some of the responses I get: “Gee that’s rough on you!” “I couldn’t do that!...

When friends are used to always being there for each other, it's courageous to risk months with no certainty of regular contact, especially when the relationship is crucial to the stability of someone with mental illness. Chapter eight, Embracing Joy , covers five weeks in May and June 2013, from the first suggestion that Fran might accompany her parents in Europe for the summer, to the authors meeting face to face in Southampton, England. From chapter outline, Gum on My Shoe: One Step at a Time with My Bipolar Best Friend .